Lil Getaway

Dear Diary,

Well its kinda strange lately, talking to B on the phone, there just not much talking, well I can relay stories and all…

Anyone else experience this?

Its like we even just sit there on the phone. Im thinking he wants to go and he says no, and he just enjoys me being there.

So I rattle on about my day.

He just talks about how tired he is, how he hates his job and about video games and how he murdered all these people on his game.

Having finished my book, its like we spent so much time doing that. Now we just sit there, I guess I just miss the intimate talking, the kids we were doing when we were going through all the garbage, now things have settled down, so his softness isnt as much as it was before.

Granted he still calls, he emails. He left a cute message a few days ago that said “Hello, I hear a sexy lady lives at this number and I was hoping she might want to talk to me” on my voice mail.

I know he loves me.

I just really like to talk, to talk about Us, whats inside my heart, dreaming, all that type of stuff. Its like its just awkward now….

I mentioned to him that we should have a getaway last night. That things were kinda weird the last time we tried to plan one. He wanted to go to Catalina, found a place, and all that stuff, and I said to him last night.. “I know things were weird then and that didnt work out..” And he interrupted me reminding me of why I didnt want to go was because I was getting my hair done and didnt want to go near the ocean cause it would ruin it and It took me months to get an appt if I tried to reschedule, blah blah blah.

And it just make me feel like a retard.

But looking back, yes I said that, but things were all weird between us, I dont even think we were back together then and I said it was a bit overwhelming.

I told him “Stop when he went on about my reasons, he said “Im just giving you a hard time” but then he says nothing more about such things…

Ugh, its just the silence I guess, we both do this to one another, and when there is no feedback in return, we think the other person isnt interested.

Well, Im kinda burned out talking to sister for the time being, she called last night and we talked a little, she told me about her new truck.

She called me at work this AM asking why I wasnt on my AIM messenger. I cant be on that at work all the time, just if things are slow.

I talk to her several times a day, and I need a break now and then.

I love her, dont get me wrong… I just need to pull back a bit, I cant be there ALL the time.

I talked to both kids teachers today and will go in as school is ending and leave work early to pick up there homework for the week.

I didnt know there is no school Fri or Mon. So the teachers said that also gives me an extra day with them monday (Im HOPING) they are well and can go back next week.

We shall see.

Its just all of us are gonna be going batty by then. My kids were off track for 4 weeks from school, my mom was babysitting them part of that time. Now they go back, now are out again, mom is helping me out again, kids are back together all the time….

Now a longer weekend also…

And its my Easter, so it will be 2 weeks till they see their Dad.

Man when my free weekend comes, I HAVE TO GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I so badly need to get my hair colored again, but that wont be till next month or when my refund comes in. I also want to go and get a facial again, maybe a massage? Oooo, do a couples massage? B and I have talked about doing that.

Id really like to go visit San Diego again too. I liked the little area we stayed in last time(Diff hotel though) but all the little restaraunts right there were great, in walking distance, we could drink and just walk back…. it was a nice time, and we had choices of so many types of restaraunts right there.

I know there are so many other things to see in San Diego also that we didnt do yet..

Well thats it for now