Miss my Baby

Dear Diary,

Evening.

Well with the time change kids are not tired of course. Little one is playing in his room across from my office and its almost 10pm.

I have spent the bulk of the evening pulling out as much as I can and finishing up what I can for the DA packet. All the papers I need to make copies of tomm to include in it. Its about ready to go!

I had to run by Western Union on my way home from work, a girl bought something on ebay and wired me the money. I never had a payment that way before nor have I used Western Union so that was an experience..

Ran by the post office, then home so mom could go home after all day with chicken pox kiddies.

The kids feel BETTER today. They were playing, and arguing and hyper…. they have been all evening, their spirits are both up. Good sign, and some of the pox are starting to scab.

My boss cut out a Dilbert cartoon of a lady at work with a speckled child next to her and the boss says “What is that thing?” And she said “its my son, they school wouldnt let him go today” and the mom says “Traylor, go say hello to the pointy haired man” and the speckled child goes and bites the boss mans hand thus giving him what he had… it was just really cute and I thought it was kinda sweet the boss cut it out for me and stuck it in my mail slot.

Okay, so today, I miss B.

It sucks, hes going to his Grandmas for Easter, I will have the kids, I wont be able to see him, kids will be with me 2 weeks in a row since this is my Easter with them. So I wont have a break from them until April 16th… which may be the next time I see my boyfriend, WAAAAAAAAAA

I dont know how eager he will be to come over either, like when is the place all germ free and all even when they are better?

Dont need a 28 yr old man catching it.

Anyways, Im just sad, I want to hold him.

My middle sis and her family is coming out here for Easter, my big sister said she just might come out now too.

So B and I will be separate on this holiday, how interesting eh?

We were for Christmas since we were broken up.

And we were Thanksgiving since he was a dick and thats the big clencher of why I broke up.

Then we spent New Years together at a wonderful overnighter at an Aquarium with the kids, where he kissed me at midnight as the kids ran around screeching horns like maniacs with the other kids as we looked out at the Queen Mary across the water and the fireworks in the sky…. sigghhhh

We need some special time together dammit. THATS IT!

Thats what needs to happen, we need a romantic weekend getaway when this is all over… yep. Things arent going badly, but we need something NICE.

Ill talk to him about that tonight or tomm.

I guess when you cant see one another, that just sucks, when you just cant. Cause it could mean him getting terribly sick.

So big sister bought a brand new Toyota today! She was driving the same car for 11 yrs and the dealer only gave her $200 for the trade in. It had so much wrong with it. Her husbands brother came over to check on her and they went out to dinner in her new truck. She said to me “Sissy,I bought it on my own, all on my own for myself” and shes all happy.

She said that the bro in law said “What does all your family think of husband?” She said “They all liked him,they are all in shock like everyone else, they just think hes gone Looney”

He told my sister not to worry that things are going to be okay,, and he told her “Cmon we gotta get this business going to make you some money to pay for that new truck of yours!”

Im not as talkative today,,, I miss B,

I mean Im not as talkative to my sister and everyone, Im talkative in my diary of course… just letting it all out…

Ahhh I miss my baby……

My sister keeps saying “Boy arent we women dumb?” Saying how shes all put herself last. Never getting nice things for herself, doing for everyone else, her husband had the nice truck and toys, girls had nice things, Her bro in law said tonight “You should have bought yourself a new vechile long ago, Id have been embarrassed driving that thing”

And it just reminds me also of my marriage to my Ex.

Always struggling, always trying to get a step further…

Through all of his jobs, the quitting or firing and believing in him and his version of what happened and thinking his jobs wronged him… Only to find out later on down the line he was a liar.
I found most of this out when we separated, then it all came to me clearly what was going on. But I was naive and a stay home Mom who was in such a tight bubble. Why wouldnt a person believe their spouse?

And my sister revolved her life around raising kids that werent her own, which is a noble thing, but she neglected herself a lot also..

She has made many changes for HER also during all of this..

I stood in there all those years and thought it was my role.

My ex working and then doing church work at the expense of his family. And I remember being angry about the lack of time the kids and I had him.

How the church would say “Your home is your first ministry” but my ex never got that part I guess….

I pulled out some CDs from my closet the other day. I have a bunch of Christian ones,, and I pulled out Keith Green,,,, woaaaa its been awhile… WOOOOO long while…

Keith Green, a christian artist who died in a plane crash…

I remember the first time I heard him at my girlfriends house I would cringe as I couldnt stand it, it sounded so hokey, he was sorta hippie like.

But the lyrics are great, and later on I grew to love the music in my own time… and I forgot about my CD.

I used to listen to CHristian music only for several years. My favorite band was Newsboys.

I liked Michael W. Smith and David Meece. I saw David Meece in concert once, it was beautifuld.. ooooh phone, its my babe, be backkk