Response to Comment

In Response to Marcella’s comment…. Hey by the way! I looked at your diary and you havent updated it in forever! Whats going on with you and the baby!??? I want an update okay? How are you doing?????

I do agree, B was hurting me, I was hurting myself staying and I HAD TO BREAKUP with him.

I do NOT doubt doing that one bit.

It was the right thing to do. And I know it, and B has even said it was.

So I dont want anyone thinking that I regret or take back my feelings on that. I dont think what has occurred in his life would have were we still “Together”

I do not know how much time I need to watch him to feel okay.

I do believe his change is real.

But it doesnt make my feelings I once had for him repaired and feel safe and close and know that all is well.

And really the only thing is time.

Time, seeing what transpires, seeing how im feeling down the road, how hes feeling, then we shall see. I dont know the outcome just yet.

I have counseling after work today, I will be discussing what had gone on, I know my hour session will fly by,,, sigh, Hope I can gain some good tools to sift through some of this.

The urge to see gym guy.

I dont know what to do with it.

I know hes bad news in many regards. I know hes not what I need in a relationship. I know even if Im honest and up front with him about what I want, he has other ideas and doesnt totally listen.

And I just want to feel his chest, smell him, be pressed up against him again. Funny eh? As the sexual component wasnt totally there but the attraction is still there. Sighhh, I hate to admit it, but he looked so damn good laying there on the floor on his back doing sit ups, he rested as I said hello and I was looking down at him, and ughhhhhhhh, I feel so bad, I still want to hold him.