Husbands & Marriage

Dear Diary,

I forgot to write, about the night I went to Barnes and Noble to meet my girlfriend and her kids visiting from out of town. She wasnt there yet when we arrived, so the kids went to look at books, and I went to grab “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” and continue where I left off. I got to the aisle and her new book was stocked “Woman Power” Right there on the floor in the aisle was a woman sitting there reading what looked like a Dr. Laura book, she looked up at me as I walked over, it always feels funny picking up Dr. Laura’s books, since a lot of people dont like her, or the titles on them are so big and blunt.

So I said to the woman “Which one are you reading?” and she says the new one “Woman Power” I said “Yes, I havent started that one, but these have been some good books.” She responds “Yes they are, I agree with her that the womans movement has gone too far. This last year I almost lost my marriage. Thanks to her books and Dr. Phils, we are still together. Im in my 50s, these are supposed to be our Golden Years, I want romance and passion.”

She tells me how after she left she and her husband had a date night, going out for a margarita and Line Dancing, that she and her husband going dancing now.

She was a good looking woman, dressed stylish, funny how people are aging so well now, or getting plastic surgery! But you get the idea, the clothes, the attitude, etc.

Anyways, she then says “I also just picked up this book” and its a hot pink little book with a funky pic on the front, the title was something like “The Bad Girls Guide to Sex” or something like that.

I laughed, and she said “Yes, Im reading the chapter on “Breathing” that there is a way to breathe that gets him turned on?”

It was like talking to my Mom or something, but she was just the cool older woman who still had it going on. Dr. Laura would love to hear that. She often reads things or stories like this on her program.

My Mom dropped off oldest on Sunday, and we sat out back talking. B came out while we were out there and said hello and that he was going to the store to get things to make the Soup. My mom inquired how he was going to make it.

Something you notice with Dear Ole Mom. She interrogates, well, I dont know how to say it, but shes critical in her viewpoints. So B is commenting how hes going to make it, sauteeing onions and garlic, and putting in ham and bacon, my mom starts to tell him to add beef or chicken broth, potatoes and carrots, she kinda just zones out when he talks of sauteeing things. My parents dont like garlic, they dont do spicey food. Which I love, and B loves. So growing up I was never served that stuff, so even when I was married to my ex I got all into a domestic mode once to cook dinner for Dads bday which I NEVER Do. I made a lemon with garlic chicken, and then get told my parents dont like Garlic. Sighhhhh, I didnt know, until then. So its hard to even go out to eat with them unless you go where they want. They are very traditional steak and potatoes people.

Its like when B got up on the roof and looked at the Swamp cooler and we unclogged the lines, my mom has always tended to it. B said it looks like I need a new belt, it looks bad, and the tension on it isnt good. So I had no idea if there is a size, a place to buy them so I asked mom later on as she has done this for years on their apartments. She said “Oh you dont need a belt! Thats not a problem” and waves her arm. I tell B later, hes all ??? No Vicky you do.

And I have noticed now when I start up the cooler it has a delay and its probably the tension on the belt Im gathering. Who knows, what do I know? Its just my Mom is right, and Ive always looked to her, shes the person who assists me, where my ex husband has failed. So its just interesting I guess, Im the baby, Mom and I are close, mom is most involved in my life then any of my siblings.

I just was noticing her negative attitude I guess, or its more her critical nature, how it doesnt matter what I share, she can put a spin on it to criticize.

I looked at B, and felt very loving, as I sat with mom and he walks out to inform us hes going to run to the store to get stuff to cook dinner, I mean how sweet is that? He leans down and is petting the dog and talking to him all cute. And I just look at him, I could have just kissed him, and thinking how Im not that way very much around mom with a partner, even when I was with my ex all those years.

So I dont know how to approach this, I mean Ive talked to a few people, that if B moves in, that there is a deadline on us living together, so we dont turn into that. If we cant both fully commit then why be together? Like have a period of 6 mos or something. I mean I guess we are trying this out, but trying it out for what? To what end?

So I guess I want to feel when I am ready to say Yes to B, that I make it known the marriage thing….

Any feedback thoughts?