My Weekend with Him

Dear Diary,

Morning. 🙂

Kids are off school today, so Gma is watching them and I went to work.

So hmmm where did I leave off in my Diary?

Well Valentines Day I believe. I was a little mopey in the eve. Bs former roomie and then the bro of his new renter who just moved out were all in the chat room we frequent that eve, then pops in B’s former girlfriend/roomate who he was living with when we first dated. And one of them was asking if B was over for Valentines, Im like “Yeah right?” and the other roomie knows how he is, and well, they all know lets put it that way. So I was griping a bit, and just being a goofball flirting all silly in the chat room. Just having fun to take my mind off B and the fact we werent together for Valentines.

Well we ended up speaking on the phone around 9;30 pm or so.

I dont even want to type it all out in detail, but he was basically avoiding me on Valentines because he said he knows how I am and Id probably be pissed off at him, I said “Oh I already wrote you off for Valentines Day and ordered myself flowers and my kids and friends took care of me.” I guess what I just felt bad about is why cant he and I even have a nice dinner together or something? But I get all afraid to suggest anything sinces hes been Mr Anti Holiday.

Anyways, he was tired, said he was going to bed, would call me when he woke up and come over Saturday. I said Ok. I felt a little weird about him coming, I just dont get parts of him. But I tried not to react and just wait it out.

Saturday he called around Noon and just chit chatted, I did have an issue with him, I asked why I have to constantly ask him to come over? Like if I dont ask, he wont come, and he says he doesnt invite himself places, and Im like “Ok B, listen, Ive told you you can come over anytime, I want to see more of you, if for some reason I dont want you around, Ill tell you, ok?” So weve had this talk before. He applies things to me, that he wants me to listen to and follow, (like dont knock just walk in) to any place he lives, that was hard for me to adjust to I feel strange, but hes told me its cool, and so I finally do it. So we got into this whole weird thing, we just talked and talked on the phone and Im waiting for him to say hes leaving to come over, but he doesnt, we sit on the phone in silence. So Im like “Whats up?” Hes all “Nothing?” So I said “Well what are you gonna do?” He says “I dont know” I ask “Well I thought you were coming over? He says “Well I thought that was the plan but you are referrintg to it in the past tense” ::::BANGS HEAD ON WALL::::: I said “Do I have to ask you to come over 3 days in a row?? Do I have to keep reminding you? You told me last night youd call when you got up and head over. So Im waiting for you to head over. And he said I sounded pissy, and did I want him over.

At this point I about had it. And just tackled it head on. I said “B whats the deal?” I had told him I get tired of having to ask him things, that I want to hear him say hes coming over without my prompting. He on the other hand feels Im constantly mad at him and wants me to ask him so he feels its ok, so instead he shuts up and says nothing, and its this whole viscious circle that keeps getting repeated between us and its frankly very very annoying, and I want it to stop.

So he finally shut up after I questioned him about how he responds, what I need from him, and how this causes problems between us and somethings gotta change. He said he was coming over.

So he came over, he took me to my room, sat me down on the bed and said “Ok, heres the plan, we are going to Home Depot to get your paint stuff to finish your office and Im going to help you paint, then we are going to get something to eat, later I will fix dinner, ok?” I said Ok 🙂

I got in his lap and hugged him and he said “And if you have a problem with this well kiss my ass” in a sarcastic tone, i said “OH you know I have such a problem with it” 🙂 and we kissed.

We went and got all the paint stuff and grabbed fast food on the way back. B then helped me paint. We were talking during it and he said “See, I wont go and spend $60 on flowers, but I can justify it on painting materials(He paid for it all for me) He said this is how he prefers to spend money, on things that are lasting. So this opened up the opportunity for us to have a discussion on Valentines Day. I know he felt like a jackass and I think his job reinforced it, hes the only guy in his dept, and well on Valentines Day Im sure women around him got flowers.

I asked him “B, I know your not into the whole Valentines Day thing but why cant we even go out to dinner?” He said “We can I have no problem with that” I said “Well then why didnt we?” He just avoids me all together because he feels if he hasnt bought me flowers hes failed, Im angry and he doesnt wanna take the flack. I told him “I dont need flowers, I just get the idea you want nothing to do with Valentines all together so I dont even ask since Ive been through this for 2 yrs with you now”

So we then talked about gift giving, and his rational for giving things that are practical and lasting. I said “Wait, listen to me here, granted you may not like or even care for flowers, but I DO. Its about giving to others what THEY like or enjoy, not what YOU THINK they should enjoy” He kept trying to but in and argue my point. So i finally nailed him. I said “Oh wait, B, you like food, you like to eat out at nice places, me, I dont spend a lot of money on restaraunt eating, I cant afford it, or I just choose not too, would rather spend my money elsewhere, but that is me, you like food, it makes you happy, cool, but food doesnt last, you eat it, its gone” He replied “TOUCHE”

I think I made my point, I said that flowers make ME happy, the sight, the smell, all of that, he doesnt have to understand it, just know that its so.

He then talked about how expensive and hard it was to find flowers on Valentines(Im gathering he looked and he said he had) Yeah last minute they are harder to find and more costly even I noticed that.

But I think we talked it out pretty good, its like we have this whole stancing going on between us in many things. Im looking for him to step up to the plate, iniate things, he on the other hand assumes I want things a certain way, feels hes failed, and fears me getting angry at him so he avoids.

I told him “There is a compromise” and he agreed, so I see I may just have to be the one to step up and lay it out more if he isnt able to yet. Im tired of this type of stuff.

We had a nice time, he was all into the painting, 🙂 We just joked and laughed, watched tv, laid around, we ended up not making dinner Sat eve since we had lunch late.

Sunday we slept in, laid in bed long, the kids were really good and played together then went out back to play so B and I could take it easy.

I left him to lay around longer and showered, cleaned up some, mom came by to drop some furniture off in the garage. I then made B and I lunch, B came out and wrestled with the kids on the floor which they always love to death.

We just hung out, B then went to the store later in the eve and bought stuff to made Homemade Mac and Cheese for us. 🙂 He bought us drinks, and heath Ice cream Klondike Bars, mmmmmmm

I really like when a guy cooks for me, I really appreciate it since cooking just isnt my thing. And B likes it, he was all watching Emirl(sp?) when we laid in bed and all into it. Me Im like, hmmm yeah looks good, just let me eat some, dont care how to make it. 🙂

Anyways, B left this AM, so he was there for 2 nites, 🙂 Which was really nice, I just loved laying there in bed and looking up and seeing him there.

He had today off, I could have used vacation time to take it off but thought naw, I have March with the kids off track, and my possible trip to Iowa ahead.

We watched a show on MTV about people adopting, a girl giving up her baby for adoption and the birth and giving it up, signing papers, etc. Grown adults looking for their real parents. etc. It was touching, I just always get scared if I were to get pregnant with B and how he would respond. I just could not see myself giving up a baby for adoption. And abortion isnt an option for me.

Anyways, thats the bulk of things, gonna head out for now.

Later!