He Asked for it

Dear Diary,

Well I cant recall if I posted the letter I sent last week to B. After he told me Im too available, and all that crap and talking about how “Yeah I know its a game, but its the way it is”

So Ive written how ever since hes been wanting to see me but a bit odd with some of his behavior.

So today he writes me this, mind you I rarely get this from him ok?

“slurp You is so sessie when your all assertive =0P~~~~~

So I want to see you sometime this week. So here is my idea… and this is fairly flexible so lemme know what ya think etc.

I want to go see the Matrix today, so i think when I get off work I am going to go and see it.

I want to see you sometime soon.

I want to do jiu jitsu at least one more time this week, either wed or friday or saturday morning…so??/

So maybe like thursday sound good? imput etc?”

I wrote back

“I sent you this last week, and you havent responded to it yet and you said you would, so Im a little confused….

I keep going thru the convo last night and the part about the “Playing a game” in regards to not being available and you not wanting to pursue me cause Im there. And I guess it bugs me.

I really dont know what to do with that or how to interpret it?

So heres where my mind goes, if Im missing something here explain…

1. Why does one have to play a game with a person they supposedly love and want to be with?

2. If I back off, Im denying how I truly feel. Im acting like I dont want to be with you, or around you when I do, which in turn pisses me off inside.

On the other hand I understand it on some level on just needing time to back off, cause I said I went thru this with Ex. He was all over me in so many ways that I didnt have opportunity to be the aggressor.

But I think with our situation its unbalanced. Like I keep stating if we were together day in day out I could understand. But we arent, so thats where it doesnt jive with me or make much sense, you feel Im too much, and I feel I have you too little.

You want me to give you some distance, and I want you to give me some time. But Im feeling Im the one accomodating what it is you want, and Im not enjoying it at all.

Some give has to come to my end. Even if its uncomfortable for you, cause it is for me too you know?

I really dont know how to do this, and I guess without some type of guidelines, play book, etc? I really dont know what it is you want, its so vague and broad, and I cant work well with it cause theres too much room for misunderstanding.”

He wrote back

“Be more specific as to what you are confused about, so that we can be on the same page”

I wrote

“Hiya,

You know, after I sent that. I was thinking youd write back with this exact response?

And was thinking I should have just sent the email and said I didnt hear back cause I know you?

And well this totally diverts from the email, and sidelines it and then asking why IM confused turns it back over to me and I know how you like to try and answer things according to how people are thinking, yet when you are thinking something or want an answer from me. So Im not giving you something to try and play along to, I just want YOUR response, not the standard “Say what ya think I want to hear”

“Think about it” is what I get from you ,,,,,sooo, baby, you is a bright fella…

He wrote back

”

God damnit dont f##k with me here. I just said I want to see you and asked for your input, Then I get your response back about that e mail which is fine. i am asking you what is it specifically in that email that you are confused about becasue there are many issues and at current I do not have the time to address them all, so to expidite a response to your specific concern I am asking you to tell me so I can answer it.”

Yes and the second to the last response was me talking the way he talks to me, my next comback, which I doubt Ill send is his famous line “Its not Rocket Science”

So we shall see what happens. Im tired of being played around with, he doesnt like it does he?

He told me yes he is in control of the relationship, I do everything around him, fuck that, notice the first email “Your sexy when your assertive?” Then Im assertive and someones avoidant and defensive?