Men Vs Women Emotionally

Dear Diary,

Thank you Alicorn for the very sweet comment. 🙂

Yeah I do feel good. Life isnt all cheery wonderful sunshine, but it is good right now. Im so much emotionally better as I have stated over and over since my little vacation to San Diego with B.

Has anyone heard that new song by Christina Aguilera? Its titled “Beautiful” I really like it, Ive not really been a fan of her music, and her first release “Dirty” I find annoying since its pretty much all the dang song says over and over is DIRTY. So when I heard this song, I found it really pretty, makes me want to cry. Christina does have a wonderful voice, and this type of song does her more justice for the talent she has.

The song says…

Every day is so wonderful

And suddenly,

it’s hard to breathe

Now and then,

I get insecure

From all the fame,

I’m so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say

Words can’t bring me down

I am beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can’t bring me down

So don’t you bring me down today

To all your friends, you’re delirious

So consumed

in all your doom

Trying hard to fill the emptiness

The piece is gone

and the puzzle undone

That’s the way it is

No matter what we do

No matter what they say

When the sun is shining through

Then the clouds won’t stay

And everywhere we go

The sun won’t always shine

But tomorrow will find a way

All the other times

We are beautiful no matter what they say

Yes, words won’t bring us down

We are beautiful no matter what they say

Yes, words can’t bring us down

Don’t you bring me down today

I had to get my little one to bed tonight. Hes been terrible about getting to sleep. I had the kids finally on a good routine but after they spent 5 days with their Dad their sleep clocks are off plus they werent getting up for school. So they are up later, hard to wake up for school. Also my little one is arguing with me about everything it seems. Challanging me when I tell him to do something. I go through this when he gets back from his Dad, but this is going on the second week of this. Tonight I had it with him. I spanked him. I told him this has to stop. Then he still did not listen after getting his teeth brushed for bed. He went off to play with his tape player. I then stopped and asked him what he was doing? He was too go to the bathroom and pick up his stuff in the living room for bed. He is stalling everything and arguing with me with lame excuses. So I had to raise my voice and basically watch him to see him get everything done. He was crying. He always hides his face, he covers his eyes when hes in trouble and wont look at me.

So he finally was in bed, I walked in a bit later, he was still awake and crying lightly. I came and sat down and told him that I loved him. I told him that when he does these things it upsets me, but I always love him. That I want him to grow up to be a good person, and we have to follow rules. If we dont when we grow up things can be harder, and it can be hard to get along with people if we dont listen or respect what others have to say. I then had him sit up and hugged him. Its tough, on one hand i feel so mean and always on him. But on the other hand he is my challanging child, hes taking after his fathers personality more and more each day. And I have to do my best to help steer parts of him as best as I can to being a better human being. My Ex and his Mother both have a sick sense of humor, they enjoy frustrating and upsetting people. That makes them laugh, But in turn they drive people to tears, anger or confusion. And I can already see this trait in my little one.

I then sang him the chorus to Beautiful. I asked him if he knew what that means? He said no. So I told him that no matter what people say, hes is wonderful inside. That we may do things in life that arent good, but inside he is a beautiful person and not to forget that.

We then sat and I sang him more songs. He wanted me to sing Patriotic songs first, then some Christmas songs. Then I had to tell him that was enough. So he went to bed smiling, no more tears.

I was just thinking tonight. Why is it so often that women are telling men ” You need to shape up?” In some form or another?

I mean how often do you hear guys doing this to women? Im not saying men dont, but not in circles i move in do I hear it that much. It seems men are just ok with how things are, maybe they will complain they want more sex or something. But do they tell their women they want to be closer? The relationship needs to change? Tell her how she is hurting him, etc etc?

Its just baffling to me I guess. I think about the relationship with B. How I have to tell him things are not ok with me, changes need to be made. How often does he tell me such a thing?

But then again, is it the whole “Women mature faster then men?” thing? Yes B does have knowledge, but its mainly intellectually, and computer wise. But I guess its emotionally men arent too bright I guess would be the thing Im talking about. Like I read somewhere once that most men who are in marriages that the woman is unhappy and thinking of divoce, the male is usually ok with the relationship and wouldnt leave it, but the woman on the other hand may be totally unhappy. The guy just wants his home to come to, dinner, and a sexual partner. And then even ones who may not be getting much sex and have affairs, still want to remain in their marriage.

Are we just meant to teach men? Or have i just not met a guy who has a lot to teach me? Maybe that is it. But then on the other hand is it when we meet men who are very emotionally intelligent or seem smarter then us, its a turn off, we feel insecure, we feel not good enough, or not on their “level”

Im just thinking out loud here.

I just try and think about how Ive come down on B. Saying things that are unacceptable in the relationship. If they continue this is not where I want to be. Yet when has he said such a thing to me?