Friends, Kid Woes

Dear Diary,

I just got done talking to my girlfriend in Florida online. She and I have been friends since we were kids, lived on same street.

She and her husband and 2 children moved there this past year. I last saw her during last summer when they came into town to have their little boys first birthday at Chuckie Cheese. So shes rarely online. She said her husband has been gone since December 4th. How shes crying everyday. Hes military so I know he goes off on the boat and all for chunks of time. But then she says “He wont be back till June!” Im like OMGOSH!

A stay home mom of 2 kids under the age of 4. In a new place with no family or friends closeby. We are all in Cali. All her friends and family. So its not really close you know?

She talked about how its the holidays, how she cries, how they fought really bad the last day before he left, and then she sobbed like a baby. She went to see his flight take off and she said she will never do that again it tore her apart.

I cant even imagine! She said her little boy just started to talk, how her hubby is missing it all. 🙁

Wowie, I just cant even imagine. I asked her where he is? She said “I dont know yet”

So I need to send her something in the mail just to cheer her up.

Well what have I been up too? B came out last night! 🙂 I went to the gym, came home had dinner with the kids, then B showed up and had some of the dinner I made while I finished kids up with homework and bedtime stuff.

We then went and laid in my bed. Normally we just get comfy and watch TV. I didnt turn it on. I guess I would like to communicate more. I feel like Im always telling him about some celebrity, about what I watched on tv, and he honestly loves hearing my stories. I told him about the magazine sex articles i read at the gym, he was like “Tell me more!” haha

Then about 9:45 I clicked the TV on, Real World night! We watched tv for about an hour and then turned it off. I was tired, I know hes tired. And well I havent had the ole sexual umpf. Its kinda funny, maybe we are just getting comfortable with one another now? I used to want to attack him when I saw him, Im changing. And hes not always in the mood. Ive also noticed hes more of a First thing in the morning sex guy as opposed to before bed. We now just fall asleep. Which there is nothing wrong with that. Its my own stuff in my head, I feel like he wants sex and Im falling asleep, etc etc. I need to just chill out, its no big deal! He loves me. 🙂

I had a dream about him also. Not a good one either. Something about living with my mom and siblings, in the same house, and B came over and spent the night, but got up early and was mad about something, he kept talking really loud and I was telling him Shhh you will wake my family up. And he kept talking loud again, so he got mad at me and began to just yell. He was yelling outside at a delivery truck, just saying Odd stuff. I was so embarrassed. My mom came in my room and sat on my bed with a sympathetic look on her face. Like she thought B was a nice guy but was shocked to hear him. And I was just embarrassed that here again a man in my life was a jerk with a temper.

Weird huh? Things have actually been better with B now. So where the dream came from?

His hair is growing, he has the ole receding hairline thing so wears his hair very short, he has hair on top but its thing and then sorta bear in the usual bald spot in the back. His hair is REALLY dark, like almost blackish brown. Its so soft, so nice. I was all rubbing my hands thru it, Ive never seen it this full or long. Ive always been one for hair on guys, Its actually one of the things that really I find attractive. Not that its all that counts, but B doesnt have much hair, so I had a treat last night to play with. 🙂 The sides and the back are all nice and full. Haha , this probably sounds weird, B is sexy, he is one of those guys who looks fine, not some old dude with a combover looking guy.

He is now back on his diet, hes in the gym, still not like he used to but hes back. I told him last night how sexy his arms, chest, shoulders are. 🙂 He said “What did you do with my girlfriend??” cause I was all lovey dovey.

He went into work a little late this AM so was there with me to getting ready for work and see the kids and we all left at the same time. It was just nice, to hug him goodbye by the car. 🙂 And watch him eat leftovers this AM in my kitchen.

I do love him.

Not sure if I wrote before, but I have to register, Im planning to take 2 college courses. And boss said he will help me with books and materials I need cost wise. 🙂 YAY! I also have to apply for the financial aide, I might qualify being low income so may as well take advantage right!

Ex called for the kids last night. They hadnt spoken in a week. The kids have called him twice and left messages but no response.

He is still at his Uncles. Which is interesting. He was there for a week, was here Monday, and last night was back there again. The Uncle lives about an hour and a half away from here.

Just makes ya wonder what hes doing with himself. Bumming off people living with them for a period. If hes not working my God how does he eat? Pay for gas? What does he do all day? Its going on 4 mos now since hes been back! And still claims no job?

I was thinking about his Uncle today. I really like him, I like his Aunt also. He has a lot of family all over this state. I get along well with them all, always did. When I became my ex’s girlfriend I always got comments at family events like “I can see such a change in him since you and him got together” or them commenting on basically how they saw him going down a bad path and I kept him in line. So gives you an idea of my ex. and How his family viewed him.

This Uncle hes with is a No Nonsense type of guy, hes also a man whos been through years of therapy. This is My Wacky Mom IN Laws Brother Im speaking of. The wife(Aunt) would always talk with me about strange Mom in Laws roomate was and would try and talk to her. Its like the whole family gossips about how wacko his mom and her roomate are when she isnt around.

So I just cant see my ex pulling his same ole crap around his Uncle. Hes the kinda guy who will call him on it and put him in his place. I say give it awhile, he lived with his cousin for about a month before he ended up here, then lived with his local aunt and uncle, then moved in with a divorcing guy to a crappy town outside of here. But now he isnt there, also dont hear word of the girlfriend either. And hes not been staying there anymore or taking the kids over. I guess i just wonder if people are really seeing him for what he is, You can only lie and mooch off others for so long till they start to say Whats up with you???

I went to the gym tonight. When I first walked in the door I saw G. Hes a guy from my old church, An older man, a cop. He knew both me and my ex for years. He said “I havent seen you in awhile, I thought you moved out of the area” And we talked, he said his wife was there, and she came over and we all talked briefly. They are both no longer a part of the church, so that part is nice, and they are still both sweet people. And he knows about my split with my ex since i told him a few mos back at the gym when I saw him.

I then did my 30 min of cardio and my gym buddy was there. He came and talked to me. He works at the prison and was telling me they were filming a movie there with LL Cool J and the black dude (whats his name?) from Star Wars.

He also said hes going to try and get me something, its a book or a tape on learning how to read people. He said its really good, like helpful with my ex or spotting people and seeing things just from body language, tone, etc. He said Attnys actually train with this material. 🙂 Cool eh?

He is so sweet to me. He told me today “You need to marry yourself some older guy whos financially stable so you dont have to worry anymore” I laugh, he says “You are beautiful so you will have no problem finding someone, but sometimes things like that take time, maybe you will be alone for awhile, maybe you are meant to go through all this alone, but when you arent looking it may just happen”

He doesnt know about B since we dont talk that in depth. Ive just stated Ive been seeing someone.

He was telling me about a guy he knew who was evading paying support. And the guy just did not want to pay and took off out of the country to Thailand. He was on his butt telling him, look man these are your kids, just pay, you are responsible” and how the guy refused. He said “I have no sympathy for these kinda guys, My Dad left my Mom and us kids” Ok get this, 14 CHILDREN!!!!!

He said that he started working at age 12, and each of his brothers when they were old enough went to work and helped his mother to keep the house and take care of it. All the kids contributed to working and keeping the family together. He also was abused as a kid. So he understands much of what I speak about and isnt one of those guys who is all hard from it.

So we had a really nice talk, was nice to catch up.

He was also telling me again not to worry about court. My Ex is digging his own whole, he said the house is a great investment, its better than money sitting in the bank. He said not to worry, they will go after him out of that money ( I sure hope so!) He also said “Listen, if he is moving around so much, and doesnt even have his own place, the courts will not look good on that either, because he isnt able to establish a home or residence (stability) The kids sleep on floors, dont have a room, have slept at his cousins in her sons bedroom on the floor. And this guys places sleeping on the floor, at the girlfriends house sleeping on her kids bedroom floor, just all various places. I think this time he said they are going to stay at the Uncles place. I dont have a problem with him seeing the kids, visitations are fine, but its the long term stuff, he isnt really prepared for,

Well Christmas he will get them for 8 days, the longest ever. The longest probably in his life he will be ALONE with them, even during the marriage he didnt spend 8 days straight with them.

He came in after work, saw them an hour then went to bed. I went to Washington DC once for 7 days but my mother helped him with the kids back then part of the time watching them.

My little one is still acting up. I sent him to bed early tonight. I just am so frustrated with him. I was then reminded of what his teacher said about him at the conference. “He has trouble taking reponsibility for his behavior and accepting consequences” Which is SOOO Very true! It amazes me at how much nerve this 6 yr old has! He argues so much with me over things. Over bedtime, bath, homework, tv, eating, just anything, plus everything his older brother says he argues it. I need some help with this. And when I hear the line “Trouble accepting responsibility for his behavior” My Mom says “And who does that sound like??” Ex.

My oldest, hes sweet, gentle natured, I rarely have to get REALLy angry at him, he feels guilt when he hurts someone or does wrong against me. He shows remorse. My little one? NO!

::Sigh:: So Im havign to stay hard on him. I sent him to his room tonight for arguing with me again, and then giving me attitude. I had already warned him this is what would happen if he acted this way again. So he then cried loud in his room, kicked at the wall, then began getting all dramatic saying he had a headache, then next minute overhearing his brother and blurting from his bed “NU Uh thats not true!” to something my son was telling me. I had to tell him “I thought you were sick with a headache? You dont worry about what your brother is doing. let me handle that”

Thats the other thing about this kid, God this just makes me want to cry, because its stuff my ex does. Being over dramatic. My ex blows up and blows things out of proportion and then just explodes. My little one will do this when hes in trouble, or if we are out and im on him to behave and squeeze his hand saying shhh, he will then blurt out “OWWWW YOUR HURTING MEEEEEEEEE” and act like Im butchering him.

::Sigh:: Im gonna need some help with this kid. Its like Im raising my ex. 🙁