ewww Looking Back

Dear Diary,

Ahhh just want this day to be over. Just ready to go home. I really wanted to get away this weekend, but perhaps it wasnt meant to be since the rain is pouring and Id have long drives ahead of me through pouring rain, Id rather not drive freeways in that. So looks like kids and I will be here.

Have you ever reflected on things and go hmmm? Not that it matters much now. But was my Ex really lying?

I talked to Jen about this.

My ex worked for a company about 2 yrs ago, during the last few years of our marriage. It was small, mainly the boss, a secretary, my ex who was the head job leader, and then just a few scattered laborers. So the boss, ex and secretary were the core of the business.

Towards the end of the marriage. Actually the last year, when we lived in this current house together. Well I was wanting out, and yes I had been meeting men, trying to find an escape OUT. The last year I had started counseling so I wasnt meeting any men, but still talking to men on the computer. Well during that time my ex after a argument, Stayed in a hotel I believe for 3 days near his job. We spoke on the phone at about 9pm each night. At this time I had been befriended by a person online. A guy I met in a chat room who became a good confidant, encourager, encouraged me not to tolerate my husbands abuse, offered me a job interview if I were to leave him, etc. There was never talk of anything sexual. We swapped photos. We wrote long emails back and forth.

We then got rid of our Internet service. Because that was “supposedly” our marriage problem. Me and the internet. Well we did get another service but I didnt have the chat features so I begin to write to this guy again to tell him what was up with my life and we began to write again, he told me how happy he was to hear from me again.

I then hooked up a new chat with Yahoo, and told the guy my new name. So he put in a request for my name because on Yahoo you have to get permission from a person to be on their buddy list. I got the request, but then I had 2 requests? The other was a name I recognized of a female friend my ex chatted with on the computer for years that I was aware of and even spoke to a few times. So I clicked on her profile, wondering why on earth she had my new name? And how she got it? Was she spying on me? So when I went to her profile I found the email address on it of this GUY friend of mine. My heart sank. I knew right away I was being messed with. This supposed guy was really my ex’s female friend posing as a guy.

So then I thought “My ex is in on this!” They are trying to set me up!” I never did anything inappropriate so there was really nothing to to use against me, other then sharing my honest hurts and pains over the marriage and telling this person how poorly he treated me and this person encouraging me to get out. Does she want him for herself? Why is she doing this?

Well It all came down to a big confrontation. I was pissed off big time. My ex claimed having no knowledge she was doing this and I showed him how I proved it was her. THen my ex began to tell me she and him were talking and having phone sex while he was staying in the hotel. He then said he tried to meet her one night but she wouldnt give him her house address so he said he spent 2 hrs driving around but never did get to see her in person.(umm yeah right?)

I made him call her and confront her with me sitting there. She denied it, but I had proof with the email and the profiles. Then she went on to say she did it as a gag and her GAY cousin was playing the role of the guy and she was just looking over his shoulder, and just wanted to do it once and that she had no idea he carried on with this (ummm yeah right?)

Well my ex sat there in front of me and told her he had a big issue with trust in his marriage and now a friend of his was lying to him and he couldnt deal with that.

Well then come to find out my ex had her sending him mail to his work that the secretary was intercepting and giving to him. So this chick new what he was up to and allowed it and condoned and encouraged the behavior. She knew he was married with 2 kids. I came in every week to the office to get the paycheck, and then they even talked about hiring me at one point!

My Ex brought home this letter, this chick sent him a ring, a CD of music from Bono, a 7 page letter saying how she wanted to be that woman he wanted and she was still her and dont throw it all away, etc etc.

Well my ex brought it home and showed me it. Ugh, why? Looking back I think he enjoyed the reaction I had to all this, it made him feel wanted and my ex puts jealousy and love together as a way of showing love for a person.

I sent the letter back to the chick with all the gifts.

Now my ex is going over to secretaries house to “TALK” about our marriage problems after arguments. She is an older woman and not that attractive with 2 teens. She was nice to me and talked to me when I came in. I didnt really suspect anything, I just said to my H one day “Why is it you are allowed to go and talk with her and Im not allowed to have contact with any men or any male friends?” He would say “Victoria! Its ######, ewwww, NO!” So id believe him.

I remember my in the office one day talking to her and they were yelling. And my ex hung up on her, and she was calling back and he said “I dont want to speak to you” and he had to ignore her calls. I walked in and said “Dang you guys are worse then married people!” She called him up one day and always went on and on about this salsa guacamole dip my ex made homemade. It was really good stuff. So one day she called and just wanted some and asked him to make it for HER. So he did. Then she drove over. I was home, to pick it up. She showed up in a pair of jeans and a black bikini top. I found this really weird. Ive never seen her dressed like that since. But why on earth show up to our house like that? But I always heard my ex say “Ewww Victoria, not her! Nothing to worry about!” My Ex had been driving this truck, it had a lot of sexual memories in it for me and my ex, and he didnt tell me he was selling it and had a buyer. I was like huh? I wasnt informed on anything. So all the sudden he just up and sells it to HER. It wasnt a new vehicle or anything, and I just found it strange she wanted it.

My Ex didnt even have a backup vehicle, he just sold it all the sudden to her.

Well this woman also helped rigg the books at the employer, my ex quit and then she quit shortly after. And they both bragged about how the boss never new that my ex still owed him money and she said “Dont worry about it, the books show you dont owe him anything” and my ex used her home phone number for his next job reference as the company number.

I do need to add I now work with this woman. And she still drives his old truck which I see daily.

Well she is now married. But began to date this guy at first, and she was acting really strange about emails. Telling my ex or when she wrote us to make the letters sound about work, so he didnt throw a fit (her boyfriend that is) And I recall hearing something once about her boyfriend being jealous of my husband.

So anyways, there ya have it,

You look back, how my ex was so insanely jealous and judgemental of me, I had problems and was a cheater and I hurt him, blah blah blah.

God I cannot even tell u how many other stories there are like this during the marriage and even when he and I dated.

Bleh, my girlfriend said to me “EEEKS! Get tested!” I told her I already had I did that earlier in the year and everything came back ok.

Just amazing how naive and how trusting I was.