Children Lacking Common Sense?

Dear Diary,

Just needed to write as feelings of loneliness wash over me.

Just dealing my own self. My fear of being alone. My fear of not having a person to run too, to call, to call my own.

At times I feel so cool and okay in my situation. I spend most of the week alone you know? I got to bed alone 6 nights a week on average. I work 5 days a week full time, raise two children, clean, make meals, do yard work, do errands, help with homework 4 nights a week, attend group, the gym, counseling. Heck Im busy! And I do all of that ON MY OWN!

I guess it has been nice to at least have that place you belong in someones heart, the soul to call each night before bed and connect with. To feel close to, to say I miss and love you and cant wait to see you again.

At times I have felt Im content with that, then at other times I yearn once again for sharing living space with a partner. But the type of partner I dream of having. Not a perfect person, but someone who doesnt abuse, someone who respects, someone who loves. A home with LOVE.

The thing with Music dude friday night when we sat on his back porch and he asked me my thoughts on his roomate and the situation, wanted my feedback, how he has asked me about things he does with his child, about her bedtime, and things like that. He asks my input!

I try and think about when B has asked me my input on something, something where he looks to me and thinks I have something to contribute and wants to honestly hear my opinion. And its hard to come up with much, except for when I talk of breaking up then he wants me to give him the answers to keep us together.

During group tonight we were talking about people. Our leader is a Physc teacher at the college and also teaches a parenting class. She said it seems people nowadays lack just common sense.

One other woman spoke about how her daughters IQ is so high, but common sense? Nope! I said “So what is it? What do you think is lacking?” Her answer, and doesnt mean its the end all answer but I thought was very good was “children sit and watch too much television. They dont learn people skills, how to resolve differences, how to share space, how to get along with others, most cartoons and movies have some time of fantasy ending where things just always work out”

I thought of B right away. B said television raised him. I think of how super intelligent B is in his head, but he lacks people skills. He is bright, yet has such problems in so many areas.

When you hear things like this it makes me think. Think about my own children and making sure I do my best to provide them with the tools to make it in the world as adults. Tonight I did reading with my son. The schools seem to teach sight reading anymore. My son doesnt try to sound out words, he tries to GUESS them. I had to get on him bigtime tonight. And at times I feel mean. I wouldnt let him quit on this one word. He just didnt want to try, was giving up, covering his eyes, looking away, crying. And I told him the harder he makes it the longer we will sit there. I just wanted him to sound out 3 letters and he was just answering me with letters that werent even before him. I kept at him and at him. I didnt break and tell him the answer. I wouldnt let him give up and quit either. Well once he finally got it(after much stress of getting there) we repeated the word over and over together, back and forth, we began to smile and laugh and I said “You better not forget cause you know in the morning we are gonna read it again” he smiled back at me, and he walked around this evening reciting the word. We ended up hugging in the end, I told him what a good job he did and how he got it! But boy it was a pain in the butt to get there!

I was thinking today about my girlfriends kids, the one I took to the hospital friday. How beautiful they are. I have no idea how there mom is with them, I started to think about how so many kids are missing out on loving homes and being held and nurtured. It made me sad, yet once again made me remember how for years early in my marriage I wanted to be a foster parent.

I wonder if I will end up doing that one day? And what would be a good way right now for me to give love to other children?

Wow writing that entry totally shifted my focus of my loneliness and to thinking of things outside myself, Cool. But I know once I sit alone in bed Ill retreat back.

I was thinking of small babies today. About loving a baby, foster parenting. But then thinking back to how much that consumes life, I will be devoted to a child, and my free time will go out the window.

Maybe one day I will share my life with a man with the same vision perhaps? 🙂

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