Rest of My Weekend

Dear Diary,

So on with more of my weekend.

I dropped B off on Sat around 11:15am at the place where he was working on his car. I had put the visor down when we were driving at the corner of his street to do my lipstick. Just normal routine for me. He didnt see a car coming in one direction and I made a noise. He then got a pissy tone about me and the visor so I put it up. Then he proceeded to give a mini lecture on how hes told me not to put my visors down, blah blah blah. I said “sorry” and he grabbed my visor and put it back down. I put it up and he said NO, and put it back down? I didnt feel right. Once again. I can understand him saying he couldnt see and could I please keep it up when hes driving. But his body language, tone, lecture, and the “Ive told you this before” really got to me. Its my vehicle. Ive never had a friend ever gripe at me for using the passenger side visor mirror for lipstick application in my life. And then he just talks to me in a way that implies I should know better, thus in turn that feeling of STUPID comes up again. This has been a sore spot since I have been seeing B. And well I dont just let stuff slide anymore. So I didnt speak at all. He didnt either. He got to the place where he needed to be dropped off. He said “Are you ok?” I said no, and proceeded to tell him I dont like the way he speaks to me, that I was married to someone who treated me like crap. I told him I can respect him telling me things, but its his delivery that I am not ok with. I told him I dont lecture him, or try to demean him or make him feel stupid when he does things even when they are accidents or anything. I told him “We are equals here, I deserve to be talked to and treated with respect” I just got it all out and I was crying. We just hugged goodbye. I wasnt mad at him. I was glad I got out what i needed to say and that he appeared to have listened. And he said he didnt want to see me leave crying. I wasnt all overly upset, but the tears were there. I then headed out said Id talk to him later.

I came home, cleaned the house, then went to the gym, then grocery shopping. YAY! There is food in my fridge!! Ive been so broke but got paid so finally have some stuff in there, and I stocked up some also.

I then decided later Id drive out to B’s. I left about 11pm on my drive. Got there around Midnight. He still wasnt back yet from work, so I just went up to his room. As I was going up the stairs and just going in his room the guy(husband) who lives there was coming up the stairs, and out of the corner of my eye I swore the guy was totally naked. He said “B?” I said “No its Victoria” and just went in. I didnt turn around. I didnt want to see him naked if thats what I saw!

And mind you, the whole family, they each weigh around 300 pds. So Im not talking hot naked bodies walking around either! The wife is in moo moo type dresses which is understandable, shes pregnant, but the sides are ripped and her breasts are pretty much always falling out. Interesting people I tell ya!

So I just lit a candle, and crawled in bed to wait for B and relaxed. He must have arrived about 15 min later. He said “Wow you came? I thought you were mad at me so I was surprised to see you were here” I said I wasnt mad at him. I told him how i felt earlier and that was all. So he crawled into bed with me. He had been doing a party(thats what he does at his partime job) and they offered all t he employees drinks. So B said he was a little buzzed. He just got into bed. We snuggled up, talked a little then fell asleep.

We slept in till about 10:30am which felt GREAT! Hanging out in bed all comfy, snuggling, making love, talking, laughing. We then got up to get ready to head out. We went out for pizza, then to the movies and saw White Oleander. Afterwards he had to cash his paycheck so we did so at the grocery store so he could get his rent paid. I only had about 30 more min left so I hate just dropping him off and leaving and no real time to be around him just relaxing before i leave. So we walked through the grocery store. He wanted to find something and was taking his sweet time so I said “Hurry up, I want to be able to say GOODBYE to you before I leave” He said “Well, uhh, I guess we should go then” in his silly tone. So we got his check cashed and got back to his place with a little time to spare. I swear I feel like the guy at times in the relationship. I am so attracted to him and want to sleep with him. I was never this way in my marriage. So Im the aggressor here. And B is always willing to go along. But I guess I would like there to be some reciprocation. And its not that he doesnt want me. I know he does. Hes just more calm about it. I want him to WANT me, and come after me the way I come after him. B has a routine he does. He starts making his puppy bark and panting sounds when hes feeling frisky. But I dont know how to draw more out of him. Thats cute and all, but I want to experience more. And the foreplay is lacking. But I also know I just need to tell him that. Dont get me wrong, sex is great with B. I do love it, just dont want things to get comfortable, repetitive. I want more to the experience then just IT. I really need to get away with that man. I really want to attempt this over Thanksgiving. At least one night in a hotel with him, lingerie, whole nine yards. But we shall see.

So here I am at home. Its getting near midnight, My kids were tired tonight and passed out early. Back from seeing Dad. He emailed some photos to me of the kids and him they went to a airplane type graveyard. So pictures of them on planes and things.

Well thats it for now, back to work tomorrow!