Im so tired today! Its about 4:15pm Sat. As I got the kids ready to head to Moms to see their Dad my little one said “Mommy you can drive us” I said No. He was all gung ho hoping Mommy and Daddy could be around eachother due to Halloween. I told him the drop offs remain the same. Gma will do it at the courthouse. Theres no way Im ready for that at all. The Halloween was a first step. But the day I do drop offs with Ex is another thing.
My little one said “I know why Dad came on Halloween cause you guys wanted to see eachother” oh boy this little guy his mind just races and tries to fill in blanks. I guess I should say on my part their is a small amount of truth to it. But all in all I was trying to allow him in, give him the opportunity to share in our childrens lives and not be enemies. A small step.
Ex wrote me an email last night, just got it today. It said “Thank you for letting me come see the kids on Halloween and thank you for the pictures, that was very kind of you, Love Ex.”
I think the LOVE word was the most shocking to see. But I just read it and go ok? I cant think everything is hunky dorey already, have to be careful.
I left for Bs work. I made really good time and found out he works near where T lives. The guy who was obnoxious. Hes one exit on the freeway before him. I was starving and didnt get time to grab food on the way as I planned. So when I got B he said lets go to our favorite restaraunt. I called and left him a cute message around 4pm earlier saying how much I missed him and being silly and teasing saying “Can I touch you when I see you? I wanna kissss youu” knowing hed get the message while at work and hopefully it would make him smile.
So we went to our fave restaraunt to eat. He was a little flirty on the drive. We held hands or I touched the back of his neck while he drove. So when we got to the restaraunt we had a 20 minute wait. I was just holding onto his arm, being flirty, quietly though and I said “So think you can handle me tonight?” he got all serious and said “I dont know, I need to wind down, JUST CHILL OUT” and looked at me all stern serious faced. UGH. I hate this part of him, I really do. I can respect he needs time to wind down and Im fine with him telling me that, but he says it so mean, his body language, his tone. This is something I covered long ago in group before the guy moderator left. I was confused by B. What he was saying was ok with me, it was the delivery of it that confused me. It said something different. His tone and body language. So I felt that twinge as I stood there with him when he told me to CHILL OUT. I just feel scolded, the way he looks is sorta scary. Mean. So I just stood there, I didnt talk to him or hold onto him, just waited and left him alone. Pretty soon he reached for my hand, then began to talk. We then sat to eat, I asked him what he was going to get, I was gonna try something else new, then he said what he was gonna order. I said “mmmm, I might just have to get it then if you are” Cause if he had the dish Id probably drool looking at it. He got all pissy faced, rolled his eyes and said No, we will not get the same thing, that he has a problem with that, and when on some tirade speech about. UGH SHUT UP! STOP BEING SO ANAL B!
So I just ordered whatever I was gonna order. I told him “Sheesh relax, dont be so uptight about everything” We each had a drink with dinner. So that relaxed the mood. We were flirty by the time we were leaving and to be honest all I wanted to do was go home and make love to the man. But he wanted to guy buy something to make drinks and go home to the jacuzzi. So I obliged. We got to his place. The little girl who is about 7 followed him into his room and was talking. I have noticed something about B. He likes little girls. But he doesnt seem to care for little boys. He is much nicer to girls and gives them attention. I remember this with his old roomates daughter. Heck B even took her out or watched her a few times and just did it. But my kids I can see the difference and hes even told me he would prefer if he had kids to have a little girl. So he has some issue with boys himself. Well I get in his room with her hanging all over him. B got me a shirt to wear in the jacuzzi, she took it and put it on, hung on his arm, dominated the convo. B has told me shes jealous of me. Im not gonna get bent out of shape over a 7 yr old. But I was a little miffed that I hadnt seen him in 2 weeks and I gotta deal with this little girl who is the roomates child. Then B wanted to show me a video game and the little girl was watching. I just laid on his bed and closed my eyes. The alcohol was making me sleepy, and the little girl was hyper and it was after 8pm. It wasnt my ideal way to spend my first night with him. My sexual drive was diminishing. Then B finally tells her she has to get out of his room and then says we are gonna go in the jacuzzi, which sounds nice and all. 🙂 So we get dressed, he makes our drinks and we head out, its chilly outside, I get to the jacuzzi and its COLD. It would need another 20 min to heat up. So now Im shivering. We go back in. I go ahead to his room and I hear the little girl asking to come in and B tells her no and hes in the hallway arguing with her “Shes my firlfriend, I havent seen her in 2 weeks I want to spend time with her” and the little girl sayign PLEASEEE and him going on and on. UGH you dont reason with a 7 yr old. You say NO. And thats it. So he came in, she then went and asked her Mom if she could go in the pool with us and her mom got her dressed. We never invited her. It was 9pm by now. And B is like “Well there goes that idea” I said “Well tell her Mom you didnt invite her” But B didnt feel he could do that, that he was expected to take her. GRRRR So later we go out and we have her right behind us. Mind you I will say this right now. BLAH! I dont wanna sit at night with a little girl in the jacuzzi with my boyfriend. God B and I get more privacy with my kids and B has little patience for them but allows this little girl too much. I dont get it???
She finally left then his roomate came out, so so much for our romantic alone time. I was getting sleepy due to the jacuzzi heat and the drink. We finally got out and once I stood up I was weak. I could hardly stand. I told B I felt awful. And he just said WALK so I did. I felt like I wanted to collapse. Ive never felt that way in my life. So it was YUCK. I didnt drink THAT MUCH? I could barely walk in the house. I felt sick. I had to then walk up the stairs and I was so tired and wanted to just lay down collapse, Walking was awful. I litterally fell on Bs bed in my wet clothes. He had to get me up and help me get my clothes off, then he dried me off. I still remember it all. But he said it was probably due to the alcohol, but then the excessive heat of the jacuzzi, I was super relaxed and it affected my equilibrium so I couldnt stand, My body core temp was high. So I just laid there for awhile and started to feel better. Ugh, I didnt like that feeling though. So I crashed out and fell asleep. No wonderful love making as Id hoped. B said “Its ok, dont worry about it, theres always the morning” I just passed out.
Woke up in the morning and I was able to finally have that MOMENT with him. 🙂 Its always good but I just didnt have the drive I had the night before. Oh well. We then got in the shower to get ready to head out. When I came back in his room the family in the house was screaming at the little girl. YELLING. They just had the carpets cleaned, spent $700 to do this due to their new dog who keeps going to the bathroom in the house, they are having probs training it and the little girl keeps letting it in the house late at night in the AM or out of its cage when they are training so the dog goes to the bathroom all over the house at night.
So they SCREAMED AT HER. Told her to stay in her room all day, came in and with a constant barrage of screams again and again. Cursing, telling her “What do we need to make you a prisoner and just put a mattress in your room???!!!” On and on, then the father was spanking her hard. Then she kept popping her head out saying Can I come out and they would scream at her more. B said she wants attention so badly she doesnt care even if its negative attention. She has cut holes in the couch material and drawn on the walls.
EEKS. The little girl night before was telling me what boys she had crushes on, saying A**hole. Just listening to her talk. This is nothing like the environment I grew up in nor do my children. Heck even in my angriest moments I dont ever yell the way this woman does. B told me shes physco and a Bitch, and he doesnt think he can stay there more then 6 mos. Had a talk with his old roomie and said how much he missed livign with her. She said “Really but the family seems so nice???” Its a different story when you see people day in day out.
So this woman sat with B and I this AM at the table as we ate. Talking about her daughter. Asking me if I want to kill my kids ever. Then rattling off how she wont let her 7 yr old play out front for fear of being arrested for not watching her. Which I found out. My kids are 6 and 8. They play out front without me standing there all the time. And this house they live in is a very nice upper class area. Then she went on to tell how she put her daughter in a freezer in a 7Eleven once when she was 2 to teach her you dont go in there and someone called the cops on her after she left by giving the license plate number. And how she got fined and had to go to classes and got probation and also got called for leaving her daughter in the car while going into a store real fast. The way she told the stories she said they blew everything out of proportion. But this woman has had social services called on her twice. So no wonder she is afraid to let her kid go out to play. And the way they conduct themselves? EEEKS! She is going to give birth this month to her 3rd. And has a baby who isnt even walking yet, plus the 7yr old.
Now I know this isnt a child or a place I want my kids at. And now I really see why B said “I dont think youd like your kids here”
Well Ill finish the rest of my entry later, gotta head to the gym. No word from my friend D, so Im alone tonight, unless I wanna see B at midnight, not sure yet. More later…