Why Do I Miss Him?

Dear Diary,

God I dont know why Im doing this, what the deal is.
I miss gym guy really bad, I so just want to pick up the phone, call him, say come over and hold me.

Why on earth am I missing him like this? I know very well that if I were to even want such a thing from him hed want to get sexual with me.

When I got to the gym tonight, he was just finishing, I didnt think Id be there today as I had my class but we got out early, and he stood there still and looked at me and made a silly face, and I made one back and he went on his way.

Yeah, I miss him, it probably doesnt help seeing him. I miss holding him and being in the parking lot all cuddly.

Things are going well with B, and Its so awkward, yes its almost boring???

Im just writing honestly here, I dont know how else to express myself. I dont need to tell B this, I dont need to call Cute Gym Guy. I just need to sit with this stuff and work through it.

I do feel like crying. I feel guilty, guilty that I miss gym guy when B is being so wonderful to me.

Its days like this, I just wish I could be with B, to erase the thoughts and have him here to shift my focus, when I know hes an hour away and gym guy is 15 min and a phone call away.

Okay, so I had my first screenwriting class. The teacher was late, the original teacher was stuck in LA with post production work and had another one stand in who might end up taking the class instead. I liked the guy, he was cool. Class was small, like 10 of us and I was the only female.

We had to write some free flowing stuff and then read it to the class, next week we have to come in with 3 story ideas and be prepared to share them and get feedback from others on what sounds like a good one to pick. I am going to enjoy this class I can tell.

And why do I miss gym guy, why do I have these moments where I feel like totally abandoning all reason and calling him and seeing him again?

Why cant I remember how it felt when I was laying in bed beside gym guy, trying to talk the way B and I do, in depth, and Gym Guy doesnt get it, hes just not like that, and I would lay there thinking of B?

I think if I were to make such a leap to be with gym guy I would greatly hurt what B and I have had. And I would loose a very important friend, I love being able to call B.

Im just so strange right now. Ive never felt this way before. Granted I went back to my ex husband for a few months, but my heart was with B, but I didnt have great things with my Ex, I have great things with B, and I missing Cute Gym Guy? WHY?