B and Mom

Dear Diary,

Ok well I went and called B. Told him that his scheduling sucks and that Im tired of it.

He basically said “You can tell me I owe you for this” and I said “Oh you do owe me, you had better make this up to me”

I let out how I felt. I told him.

What will follow we shall see. We are both each struggling financially and with a distance drive between us.

I feel like throwing in the towel but keep steering myself back around to just telling B my feelings and communicating and talking thru this stuff as opposed to saying ITS OVER. Cause well, that isnt what i really want. At times im so hurt I feel its what I need to do. But at this point Im not ready to end this.

I didnt write about yesterday yet. I have a long late phone call with my oldest sis. I heard a lot about Mom and Dad again. Negative, her hurt and anger at our parents. Im the 9 yr later baby who stayed nearby. Everyone else moved away soon after high school. I also did not grow up under my fathers abusive discipline as they did.

Anyways, my sis doesnt feel my parents are involved or care about her life or the other siblings. That my mother is controlling.

My sister says mom wont come to visit or even call cause it costs her a dime.

A lot more was said, but she said during the lunch with my brother that the last time was my brother did visit and I guess my mom was busy talking about others that my brother said “Would you stop talking about everyone else and worry about yourself” and my mother was shocked he said that and said “Well your sisters dont feel that way” He said “YES THEY DO” we had no idea that happened. How my parents paint everyone as a happy picture. I guess the last time my Dad called my sis she said “Oh wow, look whos calling?” and my Dad informed her it works both ways. She said “Victoria, I always do the calling!”

They talked about how mom and dad wont be involved in your life unless you make it happen. That they do their annual holiday call to see where to meet to eat. But they expect them to set it up. And they have had enough, and there hurt and upset over the past coming up for my middle sis and her seeing what my parents are truly like now.

My sister was crying, she said at one point “You arent mad at me for saying this are you?” I said “No why, these are your feelings, why would I be mad?”

The only thing is she kept telling me to wait and see it will happen to me. I have grown up different then my siblings and Ive been closer to my mother than any of them. Im not disagreeing that my mother has issues. And I need to establish boundaries with my mother which Im scared to death to do. I also agree Mom doesnt really KNOW any of us, what we are about. She is busy putting us into what roles she WANTS us to be.

She talked about how Mom and Dad dont lend support. How during her divorce my sister lent her the atty money and my brother gave her a credit card for gas to make it thru that time. And how mom and dad arent really there for the other grandkids. She said “Its probably different for you since you see them often and are close by”

So its hard for me to listen to all of it. I cant fully agree, sure it may be that way for her. But for me it isnt. My mother does come over, my mother just today came and brought me groceries because I told her my money situation. Either I tell her or go to welfare. But I figured Id go to my family first. Mom does that for me. Mom helps me with my children when I have to work, mom comes by the bring the kids clothes she picks up at the thrift stores for them, she finds them toys and books, she gave me the money for my attny and she and my dad have covered my repairs I cant afford on the house.

Granted. I ask. So its not that they just hand it out. And I do have to pay it back. But I ASK for help. I dont know if they have.Maybe?

So I cant fully agree with her whole standpoint, she and my brother are very bitter towards mom and dad, my middle sis is more like Me but my older sis said she is very upset to watch my middle sis go thru this pain and see my mom and dad hurt her all over again and reliving the past.

It was a good talk though between us, we are all communicating and sharing and making sure to provide to our own kids what our parents didnt do for us.

But I still feel theres hope for mom? But I dont know. I havent done much boundary setting. Ive made a few attempts and it was awkward, but I think she listened. I have much more to go, and sis said “Well Victoria dont be surprised if you dont like the outcome, you may loose having a relationship with them”

And I guess I dont believe that? Or choose not too?

My mother has been a big support for me throughout this year, and I do love her.