Hes Drifting Further Away

Dear Diary,

Well I got home and relaxed a bit after work yesterday. Then had to head to get the kids from school. They were having a BBQ at the school for their track. I am in the negative money wise and it was $2 a person. And I was sooo tired, but I knew the kids were so excited and wanted to go, so I took money out of the bank, that I need to quickly replace, and decided “Ok Mom do it” Im glad I did though, they had the cafeteria set up to where you had to meet your childs teacher before eating, sit and talk and hear about their classroom and homework curriculum. My oldest childs teacher was teaching at the school when I went there! I never had her but recalled her name.

My little one loves school. He almost loves the after school program more then school itself! Its a great program they have going. And its free! So I have been able to use it a second year now, I think the school has a 3 yr grant for it, so not sure if it will always be available. But I love it and the kids love it. The schools arent like they were when I was a kid, so with the afterschool program they get activities, and Field Trips! I loved Field Trips!

They also have homework time and snack time.

Anyways I met both kids teachers then we ate( eww the burgers were GROSS) Not worth what was paid. On my way out with the kids I saw a girl who looked familiar, and I asked her if she went to such and such church. She said “Yes I was going to ask you same thing!” Well this is the church I was in for over 12 yrs with my Ex(Oh and to Modernsouls comment, no I wasnt a Mormon) Anyways this girl went to the same church along with her family. I knew her sister more who went out with us during the college age clique days, back when Ex and I were dating.

So it turns out we have one of our kids each in the same classroom. So that makes a second family I know in that class! Cool. So as we were leaving she says “Are you still at that church?” I said “No I left awhile ago” She replied “Oh, we are at such and such church now, NO GOSSIP over there” I smiled at her and said “I Understand, I left the old church years ago”

and we smiled and parted ways.

It was just interesting she said that, she obviously had her own experiences there too. Im just so glad to be out of that place and the brainwashing.

B came in tired yesterday and laid down for a nap about 6pm. Well I never heard from him again. I was up till about midnight. So I figured he was out for the night. I was a little bummed not to hear from him but just went to bed.

Im still feeling weird towards him. I signed online this AM and he was on, he said he passed out and slept long. And he was all sweet and saying I love you, and MUAH. And I just feel like saying, “Yep talk to ya later” I didnt though, said I loved him too and was off to work.

Well I dont think Ill be going to the beach this weekend. I just cant even afford gas. I have to wait 2 more weeks to get paid. So in the meantime I need to come up with some money elsewhere just for food and local gas. I can ask mom but I dont want to, shes lent me $5000 in attorney fees. Ill be ok, just scraping a little.

I keep wondering if I should look into getting food stamps. Im not sure the the income qualifications, but I still qualify for low income rates on my utilities and on the kids school lunch program. I just dont really want to deal with paying with food stamps and all that. Ive never done it but was on WIC when my kids were little so i had to use the coupons for milk, cheese, juice, cereal.

I dont know, I would be just fine if my Ex was on time with payments 🙁

My attorney office told his he has 3 days to send me payment. Well nothing, no word about it. No email, Nothing. And they said it can take up to 8 weeks to establish the wage assignment. So my Ex paid me last month. Then nothing for 3 mos before that. And nothing as of this month.

I cannot even imagine what finacial hell hole he has dug for himself. My Mom says she believes his creditors have caught up with him. Who knows? The man left here making $4000 a month. And all he took with him was a truck payment and truck insurance which cost him about $500 altogether a month! I carried all the debt and credit card bills, child care, EVERYTHING else. Bastard

Hes not paid the kids health insurance in months, hes removed us all from the dental and put me off with lies saying he has dental again but then never giving me a policy number. That was a few mos ago.

I know hes a LIAR now. I can actually say it. And for anyone whos known me I wasnt always able to say it, I always gave him benefit of the doubt, didnt believe he would need to lie to me.

My mother keeps saying Im fortunate we know where he works and can go after him for wage assignment, but not to count on it. Which I understand. The way he has been behaving isnt promising, things are just getting worse as far of his doing his part in this divorce. He is wanting to see his kids less, he isnt paying and providing for them, when he does see them he does it with a date. So is it really going to improve? Next time he sees the kids 2 mos will have passed. Those kids change so fast.

When I tell people how often he sees them they are in shock.

So whatever sob story he tells people or says, the actions are the real proof, but hes probably off charming who knows who elsewhere.

I met some TV producer yesterday online. Hes divorced with kids same ages and we had such a great talk about our children and how they are responding to all of this. Wow there was so much similarities! Both of our youngest ones still think of us getting back together with our ex’s and the older ones dont say much about that. We talked about our older ones understanding to some degree the negative things that went on in the marriage. They were aware. My oldest used to wake up crying when we fought. I went to his room and hugged him many times telling him it was ok, mommy was said, but it wasnt his fault and I would be okay. And then my oldest started to tell his father at the end “Dad that is not how you treat children” and I witnessed him do this on several occassions. And my Ex said he is angry and bossy during visitations. And my oldest was the one who sat in tears when ex yelled at me and my mother before going to see there Dad last year. That type of thing was very damaging. Even the court shrink said that could fall under borderline child abuse for the kids having to witness that and my oldest watching and crying and having to leave for a visitation like that.

My kids are smart. They are doing well, life isnt perfect, but we are doing our best, and I love them and wont turn my back on them.

Also Lisa thanks for the parenting comment, it was helpful 🙂