Not Nurtured
Dear Diary,
Back again. I had another weird dream this AM. I dreamt I went with my mom for some modeling audition. She was just going along with me. Well they had 15 of us and I was last. And somehow I ended up in this back room having sex with one of the casting guys, and I ended up staying there a long time. It wasnt yucky sex and I didnt feel used. He was very good, and gentle, and kept telling me thank you, and how he had just been in London. STRANGE! So here I am doing some dude in some practical closet area. Then next thing I know is its morning and the place we are in operates as a store during the day and people started pouring in, but it almost looked very, best word I can describe is Peg Bundyish from Married with Children. Everyone dressed similarly. And the men stood up front and said “Hello! Welcome to our store where all your dreams come true”
WEIRDDDDDDDDDD!
Well I was reflecting some on B. When we were at the park last night he said something about getting hurt and tore up as a little kid at the park and how you just get hurt, take the pain and move along. We were watching this little toddler girl with her daddy play. I said something to B in response “You didnt have a Mom along who kissed your forehead when you got an owie” he said “Hello no! She would get mad at me for telling her I was hurt and then say she would pissed if she had to make a trip to the hospital.”
B was NOT nurtured. Much like my Ex. They didnt have people nurturing them as small children. Im not talking about Babying, Just love and concern and care, gentleness.
B’s mom put him in sports but never attended a game he said, so eventually he said he just lied and went to play with his friends and she never knew because she didnt care.
He was also talking about when he was a small child and sick, it was fend for yourself, you didnt get anyone buying you medicine or food, or making your soup or comforting your pain.
So yes his way of living has been so much more different then mine. And I feel in many ways as if I have to teach B that just because his life was one way as a child, doesnt mean he has to keep it that way as an adult.
Well thats all for now….