Grandparents

Dear Diary,

Just found some information on Grandparents information, What my sister said to me and has always said “You always make your decisions on what is on the best interest of the child” It took me time to get that, I was so concerned with FAIRNESS for so long I didnt know I even had a right to say No to things I did not feel were in the best interest of my children. So now Im learning, Im the mother, I protect my children, and if something isnt good for them, I have the right to say No. If the adults cant stop to look at the detriment they are to the kids by not watching what they say or do around them and are more concerned with messing with me, that is NOT in the childrens best interest.

“Grandparent visitation is not considered a right, like parental visitation rights, and parents are presumed to have the right to sever their relationship with the grandparents, which would eliminate contact with the children. In New Jersey, grandparent visitation is addressed in specific legislation. The law outlines when grandparent visitation would be presumed to be in the child’s best interests, and when it would be reasonable to restrict visitation, or simply to not interfere with the parents’ decision to restrict visitation.

The issue to be resolved in grandparent visitation evaluations, is whether it is in the best interests of the child to have grandparent visitation, and whether the court will create additional problems by interfering with the parents’ right to make decisions about their own children. Since the issue to be evaluated is what is in the best interests of the child, a psychological evaluation of all or some of the parties is typically indicated. The emotional stability of the grandparents is often the most important factor to consider, followed by the prior relationship between grandparent and child. Finally, the relationship between the parents and grandparents should be assessed, and the impact of court interference with the parents’ child rearing decisions (to restrict grandparent visitation) must be considered. Because the grandparents are not considered to have a right to visitation (it is an issue of the child’s right to have the benefit of a relationship with the grandparents, if that would be a positive influence on the child’s development), it is more important to weigh the pros and cons of how increased parent-grandparent conflict will negatively impact the child versus the positive impact on the child of having a relationship with the grandparent.”

Some factors that should be considered:

Is there any indication of serious psychological problems in either the parent or grandparent?

My Answer:YES

Has the grandparent had a positive, nurturing relationship with the child in the past?

MY Answer: Since the separation, NO. Ever since the ex and I split she has said they are terrible, how bad they are, they need therapy, that they lie, that they are sexually acting out. And she seems them maybe twice a year, and is the only person who has made any such accusations. My ex even dismissed her sexual allegations and asked her to stop.

Has the grandparent had primary caretaker responsibility for the child, which would suggest significant attachment between child and grandparent?

MY Answer: NO

Is there evidence of significant conflict between parent and grandparent that might have a detrimental effect on the child?

MY ANSWER: YES, the roomate issue has been there for over 5 yrs and has been a large issue between the ex and his mom.

Does the child have any special needs that require a higher level of care?

What is the age and developmental history of the child?

Is there a history of abuse by the grandparent, either toward the child, or toward the parent, when the parent was a child?

MY Answer: YES, she always has referred to ex as being a terrible child, who always cried, and who has pushed her away every since he was a baby. She also said she used to go into rages on him, and she remained in a physically abusive marriage to the point of physical violence and my ex coming after his step father with a bat, and barracading himself in his room with his brother as children with furniture against the door. Ex left home at 16 and she said it was the best day of her life.

What is the likely impact on the child, if there is no grandparent visitation?

They may ask questions and express a desire to go to her home to visit? Not much else I can see.

What is the likely impact on the child if there is grandparent visitation? Being told negative words, told that they are bad, no respect for my wishes not to discuss our personal issues, her mentally sick roomate,

And you know what sickens me the MOST!

My in law works as a volunteer at a womens shelter, claims she is a “Domestic Violence Peer Counselor”

Sick sick sick