I love you Mommy

Dear Diary,

I just got a call on my cell phone from an older woman from the street where I grew up. I was of course wondering how on earth she got my cell number. Well she went to my friend C’s house and asked who lives 2 doors down, the one who had me over for Mothers Day. So she is calling to let me know L is getting married! Aweeeee! L is the sweetest girl. Weve known eachother since being kids, I used to watch her for awhile also. She generally comes out from Fresno every year to visit, but I lost her contact info and she moved so I havent seen her in about 4 years. So she is inviting the whole entire neighborhood clan of all of us kids that grew up together. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was! Then I asked the date, OH NO! Its the weekend of my work convention::Sobs:: I will be in Anaheim, ugh no way can I make her wedding. Im really sad about that too, she is one of the people I would love to see get married and Im sure the wedding will be beautiful. So Im going to have to call her, I got her number now, and I will at least have to make a visit to see her. Last I heard she was dating a doctor so not sure if this is the same guy.

So I chit chatted with the neighbor lady for awhile, and told her I would also come by and sit and visit with her soon also. She told me how much she looks forward every Halloween to seeing me and my children come by trick or treating. When you grow up with such a nice neighborhood, everyone remembers the good ole days.

I have been pushing myself a lot harder at the gym with weights. So now when I leave my body is so exhausted. I was doing legs yesterday so I could hardly walk when I left. I then picked up the kids and we headed to my group. I shared the scenario with the in Law and everyone was gasping over the whole thing and the therapist that heads up the group looked at me and said “Id be very wary of her” I also spoke to mother last night. And for the first time I never thought about this, my mom brought it up, I said “Mom I dont understand, in law has worked for a domestic violence shelter since the day I started dating her son, she was the one I called and cried too during the marriage, she knew about the abuse. Once we separated she didnt seem to care about me, when I said the struggles I was having financially shed just come back with “Well you knew it was gonna be hard” and comments like that. I started getting therapy and working thru all the abuse issues, and my groups and I once asked her “Dont you cover this type of thing in your group?” and she said No. Which I found odd considering she has been doing this once a week for over 12 yrs! My Mom said “You know I really dont think she does what she claims she is doing Victoria” Maybe she is involved in this shelter or whatever it is, but I would question her level of involvement. And my group therapist said “And she didnt get fired for moving a client in and getting involved with one on a personal level?” Which has always been a question for ex and I and even his Grandmother before she died said this also.

My mom said “You know Id call up S if I were you, she could probably tell you some other information about her” and it was funny cause I was thinking of S the other day myself. See my ex had one brother who died in a accident 8 yrs ago. S was his girlfriend at the time. She was very close and staying with in law after the death, soon after she moved in back home with her father and the in law and her had a fall out. It was strange because at the hospital, In law went and got a ring of hers and had said that her son was going to propose to her and use her ring and went and gave it to her at the hospital as he was on life support. We never will know if he had planned to do all this, we knew nothing about it. Well years later we all reunited with S, she is now married with children and doing well. Shes moved on with her life. But she said to me one day “I dont like to talk to in law, its like she doesnt want me to move on with my life” She told me how when she announced she was getting married that in law called her up saying “You didnt truly love my son, you were his one and only, how can you get married?” weird stuff like that. Then after we all reunited and she knew we were in contact she called her up claiming she dialed a wrong number one time, then the other time she said she just started crying on the phone, just sat there and cried, S didnt know what to say or do. So she pretty much avoids her. In law also has a website up and a pic of S and it says HIS ONE AND ONLY under it. So my mom said she might be able to give me some further insight into In law of things shes done in the past should I need some help and more feedback.

My ex still hasnt responded to my email I wrote him yesterday regarding his mom talking to the kids. He has seemed to avoid this topic all together. I attempted to contact and discuss it with him once again, we shall see if he responds.

The kids seem ok, they are actually a lot more affection and my little one says lots of “I love yous” We were driving home from group yesterday and it was quiet then youngest says “Mommy?” I say yes? He says ” I love you” I said I love you to hun. 🙂 Its moments like that where it feels so good being a Mother.