We Spoke
Dear Diary,
Boyfriend messaged me late last night. I was about ready to sign off and was surprised to hear from him. He said “I dont like not talking to you” so I said ok then talk. Well he didnt say much, and I told him I would call and tell him how I was feeling about everything. He apologized to me for the situation, but I expressed to him that it appears we have different ideals for how a relationship should be. That I dont want to be hurt over and over if this is the way its going to be, its not what I want. I asked him what is it he wants, he kept saying “To make YOU happy, to be what YOU need” Stuff like that, and I said “No, Im asking you what YOU want, forget about me, if its not something coming from you, then it wont work” We didnt argue or fight, we just talked. It did feel good to talk with him again.
It was late, and he was tired so I told him “We will have to talk more about this later” and he said yes to that. So we cleared the air, but didnt come to any resolution or what next at this point. So this AM I find an email from him. A long one, and it brought tears to my eyes. Not sad or happy, just understanding. I appreciate him sharing the way he did in this email since its not something he does too often these days, Just reaffirming why I do love him. As Lisa said, Its possible to love someone dearly, but not love being in a committed relationship with them. So I have much to think on and we will have much more to talk about.
Great news by the way! My tax refund arrived yesterday! My God I was so happy, Ive been scraping by lately and just borrowed an advance amount from my mom that I have to pay her back from my next paycheck. Now Ill be fine for awhile! I called today for the loan that belongs to the ex and I and got the official pay off amount and will be sending it tommorow! YAY! That leaves me one more to go! Then all I have is a Mortgage payment, but bye bye debt and credit cards! I will be totally in the clear( that is until I see my attny bill when this is all done) but we wont go there yet right? 🙂
I have so many things I want to do with this money but have to plan it out wisely! Where to start! But next week is my oldests birthday! Now I can afford to get gifts and fun party stuff! YAY! Im so happy!
OH! And Im taking the day off tommorow, me and my girlfriend are going to our fave restaraunt. Its about an hour and a half out of town, but its cool and yummy food. It looks like a Swiss Chalet. So Im gonna have a day off for ME. Just hanging with a girlfriend. I need it!
I feel good today. 🙂