Ending It?

Dear Diary,

Well Im contemplating breaking off this girlfriend/boyfriend deal. I have been for weeks now. I was at the gym today on the precor and something just popped into my head. It was just imagining a scenario, like boyfriend and I being married and him coming home. And just saying a phrase to me. And all of the sudden it scared me. Because its a phrase hes said before, not directed at me, but other women, and I imagined the day its said to me. Why would I be with a man who can say it to women. I wont repeat the comment. But if I feel Im worth a lot and priceless as Annette said, I wont settle and I will be mature enough to attract such a type of man.

I guess whats strange about it all is it isnt like Im mad at him really or hate him. I still would like him in my life. I like having him as a friend. And we have been good lovers together, but its the melding together in life, trying to be a couple that is TOGETHER, that isnt feeling right to me, the friendship is different, you can accept differences but you dont share your life with a friend the same as a partner. So I guess Im a little nervous also, how will he take it? Yet for me it feels the more I say that Im unhappy about, the less he does about, and the more apathetic or indifferent he becomes.

He asked me about going out one night this week and a sitter. Well he hasnt mentioned it since. Hes home every day this week afternoon and eves. And he tell me hes busy, I know he is, but one needs to set aside time for the person in their life, even one day a week for dinner? And we had a talk the other night on the phone, and he said i dont seem to care about his goals, that I dont like him to have time to himself? heck we see one another once a week if Im lucky in my room overnight. Or an outing every few weeks? He seems to think I dont want him to do things for himself? I keep telling him Im glad he does things, he needs to and should, Im just saying he needs to make time for us also in other ways equally. I sent him an invite today for a movie event. I was so excited when I heard it was coming up. I wanted to bring him, but I guess I figured the answer before I sent it, Hed not reply, or say hes not sure if hes working, or fixing his Jeep. So he didnt respond, I asked him, and he said he is working on his Jeep. So I just said “Ok, Ill find someone else to take” Yes I admit I am dissapointed, Id be all over any invite anywhere he extends to me, I dont really feel Im asking a lot of him. He may see it different, and this is just where we are different people. Weve been seeing one another for over a year. I want more. I do everything alone as it is, Things I want to share with a partner he isnt interested in doing. So why am I with him? I do everything alone as it is? But now I belong to someone I dont really get to see very much. I dont like it. 🙁

This is scary for me, saying I want it over, how do I say it? I dont hate him which makes it harder, I like him as a person, I would still like him in my life if at all possible. I guess I really even think inside he may be feeling the same way. WE care for eachother, but he isnt able to be in this place with me, and knowing about his past, he doesnt break up with people, he just pulls back until they do it. Which sucks.

So any advice on a breakup?