Upset

Dear Diary,

Blah. I let it out last night, told boyfriend Im unhappy and tired of things like this. He responded basically with wanting to take me out Saturday night and paying for a sitter and all that. I had to find a sitter today was all. So I get an email at work today saying “I have to cancel Saturday, Im going to work for the ******” and Im so tired, Ill come home and crash but I might go to LA with a buddy”

Needless to say I was upset. I was ready to call it off last night, he made a comeback and got my hopes up then cancels it today. I hardly see him, he had all week eves free and didnt do anything with me, makes plans then cancels and takes a part time job for the eve??? He could have checked to see if they wanted him, or he could have said “Sorry I have plans” cause I know about this job its for friends. But I can hear his words “Darling, I love you, but I dont love you enough to pass up $80 for a few hrs work” when hes making plenty right now and he keeps telling me. Meanwhile I offer to take a day off work and I have children and a house and more bills and responsibilities and Im always trying to make time.

Im just tired, I wrote him back and told him how hurt i was and let all my feelings out. I didnt do it in a mean manner but just honest and raw. Im tired of this. He doesnt know what having a girlfriend is about. No wonder the last 2 broke up because of money reasons he claimed and the other felt neglected. Both of there rational I can totally understand now, I dont think he does though, and once again hes repeating it with me, but I dont think he sees it.

He wrote me back and said “I cant go into this now but we need to talk later and iron things out”

Im so upset. Im tired of telling him how i feel and it falling on deaf ears and his excuses or reasoning. How many chances do I give? Im afraid to walk away, but this isnt getting better, and I dont like feeling upset at him.

🙁