Miss Him
Dear Diary,
My girlfriend stayed here until 2am. We just talked and talked. It was nice to sit up late and do that. I miss that sort of thing. I did mention the boyfriend to a small degree to her. She asked me more but I didnt feel comfortable telling her too much about us, cause well I didnt want to hear her response. Im making my own choice. And she of course said she would still hope my Ex and I would get back together, that something would happen.
It was strange talking about the boyfriend, with the way things have been lately. But I noticed how special he is to me, how I am unsure of us future wise as a couple, but I also value what a wonderful friend and support person he has been in my life.
I dont know when we will see one another again. With his new job right now. Today he finally had some partial off time and I called him, he wasnt very talkative. It seems most of what he talks about is downloaded tv program episodes. Which he thinks are totally funny. But beyond that he doesnt have much else to say. Also his car is running poorly so he said he is going to take tomm off and get it worked on.
I do miss him tonight, as I was talking about how special he is to me to my girlfriend, I just started to miss him. I find my mind so interesting lately with my thoughts of him. I keep telling myself to not figure it all out and just BE, yet I also feel like I have such a separate life from him he is not fully out in, so it makes it not truly like having a boyfriend in all areas.
To most people in my world he is hidden still. The only places he has come out now is with my work place and coworkers, which is a big step. And only one of my sisters knows about him.
I do miss him tonight, I went and pulled out his gym tshirt and slipped it on, I miss his vanilla massage oil smell he used to lotion up his arms with, the smell isnt on this shirt.
He told me to call him when she left, but I had no idea it would be 2am. 🙁 So hes fast asleep and has a busy day ahead.
I would just like to hold him, lay my head against his chest, nuzzle up under his neck and take in his scent.