Telling Lies in America

Dear Diary,

Morning.

Was just reading a friend and her entry on money and career and making it, etc etc. I feel much of what she describes also.

Im so out of money right now its not even funny. My bank account is usually balanced so perfectly. I had a surplus amount left over when I refinanced the house last year and I got 2 checks from the old mortgage co. I put that money in the bank and I was not allowed to touch it, I had to see what I had to roll over to the next mortgage. I think I have already paid what the needed and I paid the Taxes on the house for the year also and now its all set up with the new mortgage co to deduct all that with the mortgage all combined. So Ive been knowing that money has been sitting in the account and spending, but Im not being really good about it. I need to just sit down and really go through my bank statements.

My kids keep asking for petty things and I keep saying No. Last night my little said “Mom, are you broke?” I said “Well hun I dont have extra money to spend” He said “Do you have money in your bank?” I said “Yes but its to pay bills”

He likes to say “Mom, Dad has lots of money, Dad has $100 bills” You have no idea how aggravating that is to hear. He bugs me about playing basketball also and I dont have the money to sign him up, ex hasnt responded to any of my requests or letters, hes not paid me zilch in 4 mos.

I thank God for the dentist! I have my oldest going to mine and he had a cavity done Monday. So much cheaper then the old dentist, no waiting an hour in a waiting room full of kids before even being seen. I cant wait till I can take my youngest out of there! Plus my dentist gives me a $30 discount since I dont have dental insurance. My dentist bills are almost half what they were with the old kid dentist.

B paid me his half of airfare and the rental car from the trip as I charged them and he doesnt have a credit card. So I paid that money right onto my credit card, so I want to get that stuff paid off right away, Ill still have some more to pay, but I think I can catch up soon with that stuff. I dont want credit card debt again.

So my kids sit there and tell me about how many DVD’s their Dad has, about going rock climbing, and yes its aggravating, B even commented this past weekend, how all the things he does require money. And how Im not getting anything but the kids dont understand. Its getting to a point where I want to say something…. ya know?

They keep asking me to do things, I cant afford it, they brag that their Dad has money, yet their Dad does not pay court ordered support or half of their medical/dental, nothing, but they see their Dad having money and their Mom broke and they just dont get it yet.

I told my ex about the dentist with oldest, and all he did was veer off into his own dental mess. Nevermind paying his half for his own child.

Anyways, B would give me money if I asked, I dont ask, I asked once and it was so difficult and I think it was for $40.

I feel bad when he pays all the time when we go out. Its a difficult thing you know?

Sooooooo

Last night I did it, I finally pulled all of the China out I got for my wedding to my ex. I cleaned it and took pictures and put it on ebay.

Ive been wanting to do it for some time. Within an hour of it being up I already had a bid! YAY! Its a symbolic cleansing thing also. I rarely used this China, its really pretty and feminine, but it was a wedding gift, and its just been in a cupboard.

I also pulled out the huge set of China my Ex Mom in Law gave me, will see if that sells also. Time to rid this stuff from my life. And since Ex isnt paying, I have other options of ways to get money.

Just requires some work is all, its going to be a real PAIN packaging china to ship.

Im hoping in another 2 weeks to not be so strapped money wise, with my next paycheck and the ebay stuff.

I still havent done my taxes yet either, my sister will do them and I have money coming back, Ive just been so busy, I just need to DO IT, along with so many other things. I used to be so organized and anal about bills, organization, paying things on time, filling out papers, but when you are so busy as a mom, working full time and everything else, Ive not been as on top of things as I once was able to be.

I was reading my book again last night to B over the phone. I want to rent a movie now “Telling Lies in America” the book Im reading, well this is the guy who wrote the Screenplay for this film and the film is based off parts of his life, and since I have been reading about this guys life so intensely in this huge memoir, Im so terribly interested now in seeing this film. How he took his anger and hatred about his high school days and its incorporated into this film and just various other things about his father and such. This book is terribly interesting to read. He wrote this screenplay 10 yrs before I think it was finally being tossed around, he had a different title and when he married his second wife she told him he needed to add more to the father character, so he re wrote the screenplay, put a new title on it, and people loved it. He gave his wife credit for it also.

Its really wild hearing the goings on into the writing of a screenplay and how it is inspired and how people want to change them constantly and Joe Estherhaz has fought a lot to keep his work original and not altered.

I have class today and I need to do some more writing before I go…

Later