He doesnt want Sex as Much

Dear Diary,

Morning. Im in a weird mood at the moment. I want to write here but I dont? I think I just need to eat, but Ill type however much I feel like typing.

Its a wierd thing. I miss B, I dont get to be around him every day, then I get a lot of time with him, and its not so bad to be apart, like Ive gotten too much of him? Haha, I dunno. So Im back to my world again after being out of town most of the weekend.

It wasnt a highly eventful exciting weekend, yet it wasnt bad either.

Except for Saturday night. I went to see “House of 1000 Corpses” Well I was so disturbed by it, I was freaked out afterwards and started crying. So that is it for me, it had been awhile since Id seen a scary movie. And well Ive seen the Freddys, and Carrie and so many older scary movies, but this one just grossed me out, the first part of it I could handle, but then the last half, I was covering my eyes, closing them, praying to myself, telling myself its just a movie, and was about ready to walk out, I should have, but didnt.

So I just know, for me, I dont need to watch that kind of crap. It wasnt enjoyable for me. B liked it though. So we got into a tiff afterwards because he didnt know what was going on with me, I was quiet and didnt know what to say and was dealing with all of these thoughts from my church days.

So we had a heated moment between us where I was telling him to shut up, and he told me to go home then. I just broke down crying, and hes all “Victoria what is going on?” And well he laid beside me and I did my best to explain my thought process, and well we talked through it all.

We are different, and Im not wrong nor is he. Its just accepting differences, and also parts of it were I had this big discussion with him about dark humor. He has it, I dont. I dont grasp it, so I told him where my head is coming from and to please explain where his is. I also said how does a person know when to separate that from reality, etc?

So I think it was a really good talk. What it will mean for the future I dont know, but for now this is how it is.

B said he is going to try and get moved by next weekend, last night he packed some stuff. We spent a great bulk of Saturday shopping, which was kinda cool, we spent some time in Costco, spent some money, he paid for my stuff 🙂 Which was sweet. We ate out at our favorite restaraunt 2 times while I was there. We went and saw the Titanic 3D film “Ghost Ship” We browsed tvs and things in Best Buy, went to the home store to get some stuff.

I went home on Sun eve for a bit, to feed the dog, get change of clothes, check on things, and then go back to B’s and we were gonna sit in the jacuzzi. OH! which reminds me.

When I got to Bs on friday, He wasnt in the house or in his room. It was dark and his work clothes were on the bed, he wasnt in the bathroom but his car was there. So Im like ???? Then I heard voices, I peeked out of his upstairs window and there was B and a woman in the jacuzzi. I watched for a little bit. This family friend came in from NY, Ive heard of her and seen pics of her, so it was just wierd, I didnt want to walk out. B new I was coming, but he didnt get out, I waited a bit, but finally just went outside and said hello and sat on a chair, they didnt stay in much longer once I came out.

So on Saturday AM, B and I are sitting there, and this other woman walks in saying HELLOOO??? and she comes into the kitchen and B says “HI” and shes all “Hello” I said Hi also, not knowing who she was since people come and go in this house ( There are 12 people living in the place right now! ) Well she says her name, and then I knew who she was. It was B’s last girlfriend. The one he was dating before me. Its so strange seeing people your partner was with. I think shes a tad bit younger then me? But she looks older physically, she isnt small. And well yeah Im a catty woman, she wasnt that attractive if ya ask me lol.

So they chatted briefly about life. I just hung around, and that was it, B and I headed out for the day.

Last night when I got back a bunch of people were there. The girl visiting, the daughter that drives B nuts(the 7 yr old) was back from seeing her Dad. The old roomie/brother of the renters was there, and so was B’s old gym buddy. So when I went to B’s room he was sorta irritable, he said “I guess everyone decided to come use the Jacuzzi tonight” And he didnt want to go in it with the mom or the 7yr old. He cannot stand the little girl anymore and said he cant wait to move out. How she annoys the hell out of him.

Also the crying babies in the AM. This morning B is all “I SO WONT MISS THIS PLACE”

You know and Im glad he is moving also, I hope this new guy roomate works well, it will actually be B’s first time renting with a guy. Its been all women in the past.

Ex was quite late on Friday getting the kids. He called me at 4pm to say he was on his way, I dropped them off at my Moms a little after 6pm which is his drop off time but he said he may be running a little late. I hung out till about 6:30 and left, well ex didnt arrive till almost 8pm.

He did leave me $100. And he is talking about giving me a big chunk next week. We shall see, cant believe it till I see it.

He did talk briefly about his new job. Hes traveling again, but in Cali only. So hes actually going to be up near where Laci Peterson lived today.

So he was able to keep the kids till this AM. Instead of dropping them off last night, So I came home, did laundry, vacuumed the house, cleaned up some, fed the dog, got the mail and all that, then went back to B’s.

We got plenty of sleep this weekend, went to bed early, slept in, and had a nap on Sunday.

I would have liked more sex of course. I still dont quite know how to work with him. I wanted to make love last night. And began to touch him and he got aroused, and then he turns me over, facing away from him towards the wall and said he wanted to spoon with me. It ended at that. He tells me if I touch him or start things he wont be opposed. Yet how else do I take that? He just went to sleep.

I didnt push it, I just let it go. But I dont think its as cut and dry as he told me this sex thing is. I had a whole weekend, fri- mon AM, and we made love on Sat AM, that was it. We had loads of time in bed and alone and not interruptions. I know I know, its not about me, its about him. I guess I really just wish I knew. Is he really just not that into sex? But Ill drive myself nuts trying to figure that one out.

And we didnt make love this AM either, hes a big cuddler, which isnt bad. I guess what throws me is the porn and masterbation. I even spoke to the counselor about this, because I dont buy that hes not sexual or wanting to have sex or some kind of release since I know he masterbates often, hes very open and honest about that stuff. I just would like to be the recipient is all.

Well thats it for now, later alls.