Pukey Feeling

Dear Diary,

Well yesterday I had to pick up oldest early for the dentist. I get there and the office is looking at me like they didnt know I was coming. Well they changed over the computer system and since my son was a first timer they lost the info, but they managed to squeeze him in and all. WHEW! I took off work early and got him out of school early!

Anyways, the old kiddy dentist I took them too, the waiting room took like an hour, Most visits were 2 hrs there, whatever was being done. And the waiting room was always packed.

Well, we were out of there in 30 min! Son did great, they said he was a good patient, hes gotta go back as one of his fillings is crumbling as they put it.

And the bill! They give me a discount since I have no dental ins. So the price was HALF what I pay the kiddie dentist. I was happy to say the least! Hopefully in a few yrs I can get youngest in to see her too.

Anyways, oldest calls his Dad on the way. His Dad left message the nite before for me to talk about “Jeeps” with him. I didnt want to, PUKE.

So I made it so the time frame was short, ex asked to talk to me when oldest was done, i said I was at the dentist office, talk later. He said okay.

He bragged to oldest and said he got the Jeep with leather interior and son is all bragging about it. I just say “ok” as I could give a flying rip about it to be honest.

But I keep it cool for the kiddo and just smile.

I called ex after dentist, got his voice mail, which Im glad I got instead of him and told him how the dentist went and that Id give him an invoice for his half friday. And I told him the kids had a field trip at the school program friday and wont be back till 5pm.

He called last nite, i did not answer, once again I was disgusted, almost nauseated feeling.

He left a message saying he had a question about the kids schedule. I called right back and got his voice mail again so I didnt leave a message.

I have this fear inside hes gonna screw with the off track time and tamper with my plans to go to nashville. I know, think better thoughts, but Im also realistic…

So I talked to B on the phone last night, was talking about the ex thing. He just says to the comment about the kids being 13 and picking where they want to live… “Vicky, tell them, okay pack your bags, see ya later” hes always had that approach to things, I know what hes saying, I see part of his logic, but then Im also on other end of it. If I dont feel my ex is a good environment and I have any say over it, so help me God those children will not LIVE with him if I can help it.

Its the protective mother thing. Granted theres a point where one can only do so much, and Im projecting far ahead to a place Im not even in yet. But if B stops and thinks about it, his own Mom kept his Dad off the birth cert and never went after the man for support because she didnt want him having any say over the kids lives. B didnt know that until this last Christmas when they finally sat at talked about his father. She said to him “It probably wasnt the best thing to do, but its what I felt was best at the time” and B said he understood it.

B just has the approach that if you make a stink about something and resist it, people will want it all the more. Like my ex threatening hed get the kids and all that crap when we were in marriage troubles and I tried leaving. B said “So let him have the kids Vicky” Id cringe. He said “Ohh cmon, cause you know in 2 mos he will be saying HERE TAKE THEM, and that he cant handle it, give him what he wants”

But theres always that fear that it will backfire ya know?

Ill cross that bridge when I get to it, for now I need to raise these kids the best I can, give them a good head on their shoulders, a stable home, and make sure that their school education is important.

So I woke up this AM to a total miracle! Ive been giving my 8 yr old this Supplement to help with ADD and all those types of symptoms, its not a drug but a vitamin type supplement I ordered. They send me various newsletters of tips on things to help and when to start seeing results. Well this AM I walk out and find my little one doing HOMEWORK, no freaking lie, I didnt tell him to do it, it wasnt even DUE today and hes on the floor doing HOMEWORK??????????? And he was writing nice and neat, using his finger for spacing. I told him how cool that was and patted him on the head. WOA.

Im tired of this sugary cereal crap. I told my Mom I notice a difference when they eat that stuff. My youngest loves this type I buy, Go Lean Crunch, its healthy, sold at the health food store, its very filling and hearty and this AM he just about finished the box and told me “Mom, I cant help, I like it soooo much” and said hes getting STRONG. haha

The kids have an award ceremony tomm, they moved it to afternoon, usually they are first thing in the AM, and I have my Gyno appt so I will miss the assembly, I just called my Mom and she said she can attend though,,, 🙂 YAY!

The kids like having someone there to see them ya know? Go up and get an award from their teacher and principal.

Im also beginning to wonder if its the afterschool program where my little one is picking up so much attitude and mouthyness.

I observed the workers the other day going to various parents and telling them how their children were not behaving, the notices written up. How the workers tried various means and nothing worked.

And I watch some of these parents, granted many are low income and qualified for the program like I do, Ive always been happy with the program, but I have noticed this year my little one acting up more, it may just be his thing, but maybe its more then that?

But some of these kids act out there, the parents just STARE and almost seem mad at the worker if there kid is in trouble there. I shake my head, if My kids get reprimanded I talk and find out what happened and when we get home they loose a privilege, they need to treat the leaders there with respect also.

Okay, so today is my class, Im nervous…. I still dont have my idea typed out for class, I have part of it, but dont feel its complete enough, so what right? Teacher will help us out, that was the point, but he wanted our idea to share with the class and help those of us with a couple to just pick one.

The more I think about it, the more I see when I write, a lot of it is sexual,, haha, my scripts would be R or higher rated if I write along the way Im thinking for my stories…..

I read B a whole chapter out of the book Im reading over the phone last night, he told me I had a great reading voice, easy to listen too and soothing, I thought I was boring him, but I love this book, and he broke out laughing at one part as did I. Its a good book! The whole chapter was on this guys first screenplay made into a film. And Sylvester Stallone starred in it,,,, ohmygosh, this guys personality, hes so in your face, fuck you, I dont care, the screenwriter, and just all that goes on around him.

Oh god, Im nervous about class, I like it, but damn I get butterflys!