Busy Weeks & Slow Weekends

Dear Diary,

It seems as if I stay in my pajamas homebound on the weekend and often feel slightly depressed. Once the week hits Im busy all week and usually have more stress than I can hardly handle. I guess its the being busy aspect. I dont have to just and be still. And being without cash right now I cant just up and go do much on the weekends. So I stay home and work online trying to bring in some extra cash.

I thank everyone for their comments regarding my last entry. Salamander and calling the attny idea. I did that. Thank you. Even though they havent called me back yet, grrrr. But I ended up getting an email 30 min later from the Ex saying “Itinerary has been changed, I will drop them off at your Moms” Im guessing he called the company attny pissed off. I can just see him and telling him I wont drive out of town to get the kids and them telling him to bring them back to where he picked them up. Because why else would he have changed his mindset? Last email was different tone.

So that was one thing out of the way, I know there will be another. Right now he is calling the kids everyday. Which is starting to get annoying. I dont make them call him. I let them tell me when they want to talk and they can call him when they like. I few people have told me that I can request the constant calls to stop. Hes trying to make himself look good in his own eyes right now. And funny that he calls at times he knows we arent home. Im home maybe an hour total before they go to bed often during the week. So he either calls before we get home, or after they have gone to bed.

I got home from work yesterday to find a message on my machine from the school of my oldest. He had gotten into a fight. I swear, work was pressuring me to come on more hours yesterday. I just cant. I have too much going on and I cant right now, sure money is lacking, yet at same time if I work more I will be exhausted and all of my therapy, counseling and kids groups will get pushed aside. So I said I cant. Then to get home to that call, I just started to cry. My oldest has been angry for the past 2 weeks. My mom can see it also. And he hit a kid at church a few weeks back also, and he hit a family member over New Years at a family get together on the Ex’s side of the family.

He also has had a short temper in his class which Ive have the papers come home.

He is different then my youngest, keeps a lot inside and gives you “I dont know” answers and gets mopey when you try to find out what is going on with him.

So I just sat crying on the living room floor yesterday. I feel as if I am the responsible parent by myself trying to help ME, and 2 kids thru a difficult situation and a Father who just makes matters worse. Im concerned about my kids and there just isnt enough time or energy or hours in the day for everything Id like to do or have for them. Im a single Mommy. Its tough. Granted, I wouldnt go back to my Ex for anything, that is worse than what I am in now. Im having to learn now so much about personal strength and endurance.

I called my sister just in tears. She has been thru all of this scenario herself. She basically told me that if I feel being with their father is not in their best interest. I dont have to let them go be with him. She said if there is no court order for visitation right now I can just say “Sorry no” She said he can even call the police and they wont do anything. She told me basically what my Ex is doing right now is Elimanating ME from the picture. As parents the Ex and I are supposed to discuss matters for them such as visitations are to be discussed and agreed upon by us then told to them, but he does it the other way. That the whole phone episode and his constant calling are control and manipulation and she told me him wanting to give a 6 and 7 yr old a cell phone so he can find them whenever he wants is utterly rediculous. That once again his is bypassing me and going straight for them. She had said “Sis, if he had his act together you wouldnt care if he talked to them or came to visit them every other day if he wanted, but fact is he isnt helpful to them, hes making them worse, and you have to protect them. Right now your oldest is acting out, you need to find out what is going on, and your Ex isnt helping matters” What is important right now is not you worrying about being FAIR to your Ex, but THE CHILDRENS BEST INTEREST.” She then said “Do you think this visit with him will be good for them?”

Ugh,,,, I have so much on me once again, luckily I have a meeting with my attny the day before Ex arrives. So I am going to discuss all of this. And the Mother in Law issue. Something my sister pointed out about my oldest outbursts. They all seem to revolve around being teased. Kids tease, but my son has NO tolerance for it. And all of these espisodes were him responding to being teased. Sis said to me “So who has teased him? Why is he so sensitive? Where does it come from? This is what you need to look at”

Then it all clicked!

My Ex’s form of humor is teasing, constant and often mean teasing. I often said “That is not funny” and he started to do it with the kids, they often came crying running to me because he would keep on about something to the point where they would cry and run to me to ask me if it was true what he said. They havent had to live with that for over a year now. But there were 2 occassions while we were separated where my oldest said straight out to my Ex “DAD, that is NOT the way you treat children” he did this at DisneyLand when my Ex teased him and tried to scare him over a ride, and at my youngest childs birthday last year.

THen my Mom in Law started calling and saying to him “Im buying you girl toys for christmas” and she kept at it, and at it, everytime they spoke to her. My oldest got so upset because she acted so serious about it that he told her “I HATE YOU GRANDMA!” I was in shock and grabbed the phone, I was all apologetic for his behavior to Mom in law. She in turn just said she thought it was funny. I talked about this later in counseling and was advised to cut phone calls short if she continues this.

So last week he wanted to call Gma to ask where his slippers from the New Years trip were. He proceeded to get an angry tone and keep asking “Where? They are with Great Grandpa? You mean the other one? You mean Uncle? You mean… ” and he was so snappy with her and just wanted to know where they were, Im guessing she teased him over them and drug it out. I had to finally ask him to go, because he was getting angry with her. My God hes 7! Leave him alone already, and then for her or my Ex to find that frustrating people is humorous? I dont get it.

So even my mom said, It appears my oldest has his own boundary. He will not tolerate teasing. Now he needs to find a better way to handle it then lashing out, but he has made up his mind NOBODY WILL TEASE ME.

So here I am, back to where I was last year. Sis said to me “Keep in mind the positive side is EX doesnt live here, because if he did it would be so much worse” And my Mom said “Yes, you would definately have a restraining order”

I went to the gym after that to let off some steam, and locked my keys in my Jeep AGAIN! Grrr, I had just arrived and called my Mom she has a spare and I had an hour till I had to get the kids. Well My Mom forgot! So I was at the gym for 2 hrs, called Triple A, which I should have done to begin with but figured she would get their sooner. And My Dad had to do an emergency run to pick up both my children while I was stuck. I couldnt help but laugh at my day. I got to my parents house after 6pm. And my Dad made us dinner 🙂

I have to say it was the sweetest thing. My mom is the involved Gma. She does it all. Gpa sits in his chair, and maybe gets a hug now and then. Hes a loner.So yesterday he picked up both kids at their schools(Which is a feat for him in itself) and then he came back and made us mac and cheese and some nasty twiced baked potatoes(haha) But the thought was so sweet. He was trying to do all Gma does. Nobody ate their potato by the way. He then talked to me quite a bit, about my attny, about the ex’s wages getting attached, about how hes glad I filed as soon as I did, unlike my sister who lost everything and had to file bankruptcy due to her ex.

Dad said to me “I cant believe Mom forgot you, shes getting as befuddled as I am! And you know shes gonna come home and gripe and say its my fault somehow” and he laughed and told me a story about when he was a boy. His Mom would be washing the dishes, then hed hear a crash, she dropped one and it broke. Then he would hear “Oh dear, there goes one of my dishes” He would then walk over the clock and say “Ok 5 minutes” Once 5 minutes passed he said his mom would start to say “So and so’s son down the street helps his mother wash the dishes, if only my son had helped me I wouldnt have a broken dish….” My Dad said at that point he took off out the front door, down to the lake and went fishing for 2 hrs, long enough till his mom would cool down.

Just interesting hearing old stories from your parents. 🙂 I never knew that Grandma, she was gone before I was born.

Boyfriend drove out to see me last night. He brought me a lil something. A cable I was missing for my DVD player. He went and found it for me so I sat in the living room watching him work on my TV, it was strange in a good way to watch him, seeing him help me with something, watching him look so natural in my living room with my television. I guess in a way I was envisioning him down the line and us living together one day.

He also brought a book, “The Artist’s Way” and had wanted to read me a section of it from Anger, Since I had told him I was dealing with a lot of it. He said “Anger isnt such a bad thing” and he read part of the book to me last night. It said something along the lines that Anger is a welcome invitation to resolving solving. Its not that we need to last out when we feel angry, but that we need to listen to why we are angry and then let that anger direct us to where we need to change or take action.

It was just sweet to see him read something to me from a book. 🙂

He also went and visited a few people the day prior. A mentor teacher from his high school. His Grandmother ( who he hasnt seen in 4 mos) She was suprised he said and she kept wanting to feed him, haha. He also saw his male best bud from his hometown area and they went a few places together. He even said he tried to stop by and see his old therapist to make sure everything was cool between them and he didnt owe any money.

His day was filled with a lot of visiting important people in his life , loose ends. So I was just glad he took that time, whatever gave him the desire to do all that, is good. He had a rough past and has remained distant from a lot of people and places.

I have become so busy this past week. And have noticed less dependency on him emotionally myself. Which isnt a bad thing really. I dont have to lean on him for everything. Im facing a lot of my own battles, he is there at the end of the day to say I love you and your doing just fine.

I love him too, 🙂

Im going to a convalescent home Sun with the church college age group Ive been attending. My Mom said “GO! Ill watch the kids, dont you worry, it will be so good for you and you will get a lot out of it, its not a thing most people want to do, they cant handle convalescent homes, I guess they see themselves there one day and dont want to look at it” Ive had enough past experience, Im totally cool with and worked in a facility as a nurse assistant long ago. I love sitting with old folks and talking, and just sharing hugs or a touch. Its not a bother for me to do it, I find it enjoyable. 🙂