Men in the House

Morning,

Omgosh my body has been so tired, and my legs, I feel it so much first thing in the AM when I wake up, its so hard to get out of bed.

Yesterday at the gym I was so tired and felt all silly like laughing, was telling B about it and he said it was probably endorphins.

Ive been pushing myself, increasing weights and all, and I changed my cardio routine to the treadmill on a incline, so its like walking up hill, WOW, I do about 10 min of it and Im so warmed up and exhausted, it was time for me to change my routine and challange myself, plus cute Gym guy advised me on the treadmill routine (said its part of how he has such a nice butt! HA) Anyways so I have it on an incline, and he said to raise it up about every 5 to 10 min or so. Heck I gave up. Highest Ive set it is 8 and Im winded the whole time doing that, he told me to get winded doing it, and to step with my toes first.

So I have been doing that and can feel the difference, and plus I went on a real hike Sunday.

Cute gym guy came and made small talk as usual, although I noticed he was really snappy with his work out partners, and he had his walkman on the whole time and didnt really talk to them.

I left, and to be honest I wanted to talk to him, well he was already outside warming up his car, which usually I leave before him. So I walked over to his car(scared him) and he scooted over and had me sit down inside with him.

He told me how he had to get out of there, how him and his work out partners have different values, different outlooks on life, and how he doesnt understand why they way to work out with him, and he went on about his days in prison, the importance of a man’s word. That he keeps his word, without your word your nothing. And I couldnt really gather to be exact what he was upset about with the guys, other then if one cant make it or show up on time Cute Gym guy gets all bent and said “If you skipped work theyd fire ya” and all that. Hes all dead set hardcore on his routine time and if they want to work out with him. Anyways, I just listened.

He then said “So why did you come by today?”

Well we sat for about 45 min talking. It was a good talk though, Im able to speak more how I feel, Im doing better with the guilt thing, and I just up front told him that he does use guilt tactics and he agreed that I was correct. And we just covered some topics, he said I was snubbing him at the gym, I said it wasnt that I didnt want to talk to him or that I didnt like him, that I didnt know HOW to deal with him, that hes tough to deal with at times and its just better to avoid somedays, but its not that I dont care or dislike him.

He asked to take me to get Pizza with the kids, I declined.

He called me last night, and I called him back later. We talked some about where things went wrong. He keeps saying stuff like “Yeah I guess im not good enough for you, you went for the rich computer guy, you dumped me…” and all this crap. Thats the guilt lines Im talking about he pulls.

We went over where things changed, about that night before New Years when he told me to sleep with him to show him I wanted him. That its basically the point where I told myself to stay away from him, that I called Ex BF and he came to my aide.

Gym Guy made some reference like “Veronica, you just dumped me and didnt even allow me to fight for you”

He asked me if I knew that Ex BF was coming out that night he was over. Seeing as in his past he had women use him to get their Ex’s jealous. I told him that Ex BF didnt even know about him at all. And no I didnt know he was coming over.

I told him how off he was the day before New Years, that my heart was more set on Gym Guy but he freaked o ut that night, and in his head he felt he was losing me to Ex BF and it all just backfired.

So anyways, heres where it is now. I got sleepy and needed to go to bed.

I was so tired, I was supposed to talk to B still, and do some stuff around the house, I was so exhausted, I literally hung up the phone and passed out. B called and I didnt even want to reach over to grab the phone or hear if he left a message.

I woke up at 4am, and got up to turn off the house lights, I fell asleep with the living room, kitchen and office lights on.

I then played B’s voice mail, he just said good nite and he wasnt feeling well so he took some cold meds.

So I called him about 7:15am when I got up, spoke briefly before he left for work.

My Ex called yesterday, to talk to the kids, well then he wanted to talk to me. He told me he got a rental house, that he should be moving in this weekend (first time ever hes rented a place on his own) he said he started school, he has to drive down to East LA 3 times a week to go.

OH, I think I forgot to write, but Sunday when I got the kids back, when B went with me, well B was in my Jeep in the dark so Ex didnt even know he was there, hes never seen B in all the 3 yrs we have dated.

So as we pulled out from my moms with the kids, ex came driving by and rolled down his window and had oldest’s library book, I opened my door to reach out which clicked the inside light on and then Ex saw B.

Nothing was said, but he saw him.

Mind you, Ex had met B, but it was about 4 yrs ago or more when we were married and went 4 wheeling together.

So last night Ex said “Veronica, I need to talk to you about something, and I dont know how to say it, and its probably none of my business”

I said “Well then there ya go! Its none of your business”

He fumbled around with words then he said “I wanted to talk to you about all the men you are having in the house”

::::: EYEROLL:::::

Oh my gosh here we go!

He said “Veronica, the boys are telling me that you are having all these guys in the house” I said “MMhmmm, I see”

I have learned with my ex, he says things in a way to try and extract information, even to the point of bogus claims to get me to say stuff. Im beyond that place anymore with him, I dont feel the fear and guilt I used to in years of the past with him.

So he said “Well the kids tell me about you going to Hotels with guys and Mr Comedy”

Im literally wanting to bust up laughing! Mr Comedy?????????? That was like 2 freakin years ago! And he never once spent the nite with me and the kids! And Ive never taken the kids to a hotel with a date or anything!

Then it dawned on me, Mr comedy lived in this place, it looked like a hotel type building as it was locked, had a lobby, elevators, and enclosed hallways like youd find in a hotel, but he had a full on apartment, we went over to swim, had dinner once and he took us home, we never even slept over!

But the odd thing is Ex knows this was long ago, and hes throwing it up last night as if I have all these MEN.

So as he kept being vague and said THESE MEN I said “Hmmm so theres all these men huh?” And hes all , well, uhhhhh, no,,,,,,, uh, Its B and Cute Gym Guy.

In my head Im thinking “Thank you! Thats more accurate”

As those are the only guys Ive dated and ever had sleep over with the kids there in the 3 yrs since being apart from my ex.

So hes all “Veronica, they are saying B is there one night and Gym Guy is there the next” I said “MMhmmmm”

And there is some truth in that. But ex does not know whats going on, that B and I broke up,t hat I began to see Gym Guy and then I reverted back. But thats none of his business and I dont owe him that explanation and that was exactly why I stopped allowing gym guy to stay over, I told him I cant confuse my children like that.

So I said to Ex “Sooo, is there a problem the kids were having, did they have a question? Were they upset?” Hes all “Well uhhhh, no, ummm Veronica, its about Right and Wrong”

:::::Falls on Floor::::::

Okay the King of DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO, or KING OF HYPOCRISY, or whatever is telling ME this?

Mr I leave Rated R films for my kids to watch on the weekends they are with me? that Ive dated some women and stayed over at their homes and was ready to marry a white supremacist and gives my kids wine, and doesnt pay court ordered child support, and………. Shall I go on?

I just said “Mhmmmm” I didnt really say much, I just let him spin in circles trying to weedle information out of me about my dating life. And I know seeing B probably hit him as its the first time hes seen him since our split.

And he probably was happy to a degree we split up? Who knows? And then now hears hes back around.

All I said to ex was ” Do the kids ahve a problem with something that I need to sit and talk to them about?” and he just fumbled and said “I guess I better shut up,,,, bye” and hung up.

I know how my kids are, the blab to each of us when we are dating or have someone around. Or they just share what they did, and they got to know Gym Guy and all, so Im sure they talked about him. But to be told 2 men over in 3 yrs is “MEN IN AND OUT OF MY HOUSE” and all that crap, ohhh please.

Well, Im gonna take a break for now…