Child Tantrums

Dear Diary,

:::::::::Deep Breath::::::::::::

Ugh, Im exhausted, Im tired, just at a loss at the moment, frustrated, you name it.

Its in regards to my youngest.

Yeah this entry is nothing about guys and my confusion over them, its my LITTLE guy.

My youngest.

He has been HORRIBLE this week. 2nd grade hes in.

Monday he “forgets” his homework packet, which he gets mondays and its due friday so we do a little bit each night so its not too much come the end of the week, plus he has 2 math papers to do each day, and a story to read.

I get them around 6pm from the afterschool program which has homework time there also. So I get them home, we get in the door, and Im immediatly getting dinner ready and setting both kids up to start on homework.Its the daily ritual at our place. No Tv, no playing, homework has to be done first(Ive tried doing it different ways, but it didnt go over well, so homework first)

And its my youngest whos been my biggest prob, Oldest had a prob at the beginning of the year, but it was cleared up, talked to his teacher, found out he wasnt utilizing his class work time and thats why he had so much to bring home, he gets it done now, and to be honest, the teacher just lightened the kids loads with work, and oldest has been completing rest of his work at the after school program so hes totally done when he gets home or has a little to do, but he can just go in his room unsupervised and he will do it.

Little one???? HECK NO!

A few people say hes ADD, called my sister who told me to take him in to the Dr and get meds. I have my own thoughts on all that stuff, not to say it might not be the problem, but I will exhaust other resources first before medicating my child.

So basically my little one has had a TERRIBLE attitude, Hes HORRIBLE, hes mouthy, talks back, argues, doesnt admit to wrong doing and wont take responsibility for his mistakes, as my mom says “WHO DOES THAT REMIND YOU OF?” meaning his Dad.

His father is ADHD also and grew up on Ritalin, his Mom couldnt handle him, he was out at age 16 and she didnt want him back, he dropped out of high school and has no high school credits,,, etc etc

And Im losing patience, I called my sister up last night and said “Omgosh I for the first time in my life have felt what it feels like to just want to beat a kid” as im so frustrated and I get so upset dealing with him, my patience is wearing thin, nothing seems to work, spanking, restriction, taking away toys, supervising him during homework time, etc etc. Our evenings are spent with him being the focus, his horrible attitude, the way he speaks to me is terrible and he doesnt care, when he gets in trouble and I have had enough and send him to his room or take a toy away he has a literal screaming FIT, yes hes 8 and he sounds like a toddler, he yells “I WANT IT BACK! I WANT MY DADDY, I WANT MY RADIO BACK!” and then he will just shreik LOUD, crawl under his bed, kick, hit the walls.

I couldnt hang last night any longer, 2 hrs doing homework because he failed to bring some home and had it to make up and because he failed to do it in the afterschool program, yet he cant take the blame for it he blames me. I told him to go to bed, I couldnt deal, he then screamed in his bed “I NEED YOU TO HELPPPPPPP ME!” I went in and stood him up and told him to stop the screaming and knock it off. I said “Do you think I want to help a screaming bratty child?” Hes all “No”

My oldest is walking around calm, offering to feed the dog, change the pet rats water bottle, come in and hug me, and I just want to collapse, yet the screaming I cant get away from and I get upset.

Hes only 8!

I never dared talk to my parents this way, my oldest wont dare, but my youngest hes a different breed, he baffles me, Im not used to this and I dont understand it.

So I called B, I lost it crying, I told him I feel bad, that I could do better, and he told me to stop beating myself up over it and the shame routine. I dont have the tools to deal with him, and I cant emotionally handle him.

I just sent him to bed for the first time with homework not completed and not studying for his spelling test.

I crashed out last night, his homework all over the hall where he left it.

I told him this AM to pack it up, he yelled “I HAVE TO FINISH IT!” I said “Theres no time, put it in your backpack now” and he had the horrible glaring eyes attitude.

When I showered he wrote me a note and left it in the bathroom, it reads “Dear Mom, Im a butt lick, Im ugly, Im stupid, and thats why everybody hates me”

I called him in and asked him about it, he smiled. I said “Do you believe this?” hes all “No” I said “Who hates you?” and hes all “I dont know”

And I didnt make too much of a fuss, there was no apology like the last time he wrote me a note, this was more like his DAD talking, his Dad will say that crap “Im just a screwup! I just fuck everything up!” and that routine, so it was eerie reading it, OMGOSH! IT JUST DAWNED ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was married to my ex and wed get into conflicts and Id call him on his behavior or something wrong, my ex would go to our room and pull the blankets over his head and just mope. I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS!

Thats what little one does! Except he literally grabs a book, opens it and puts his head in it, or goes in his room and goes under his bed, or goes under his covers, he avoids eye contact with me. He just wants to hide his face.

Ok so I told little one no playing with the neighbor this weekend, and that I was going to meet with the teacher. I noticed his work lately, hes been making just SILLY mistakes, things he knows, Ive seen notes on papers from his teacher saying “You know this? What happened?” and I found some math in his backpack last night, class work, full of errors that were silly and one his teacher asked him to do over.

So I went to his teacher this AM, he was SOOOOOOOO MAD at me! He gave me dirty looks all the way to school and put his head to the wall when I caught her before class. But hey, if this is what it takes, so be it, he doesnt feel bad when he behaves poorly and so I told him Im not tolerating this.

So his teacher was shocked when I shared the tantrums and last night, she asked first thing “Does he see his Dad?” And then we discussed the silly errors lately at school. She said “We will work with this okay?” and we are meeting Wed AM before school since its the next free day, with mon a holiday and tues teachers meetings.

I walked away, and realized as much as his Dad is a retard, I have to call him and invite him to meet with the teacher, and get him involved. I just get frustrated as he has no level of school involvement with them, never has, opted out of the old custody schedule where he had some nights with them on school nights and homework, but that only lasted 2 mos and ex couldnt hang. Yet at the same time he couldnt even understand oldest childs work and had to get his roomate to help him with his homework.

I worry, my ex didnt complete school nor never tried to go back. So hes insecure and hides the fact hes limited in math and spelling. He gets by with calculators and spell checkers online.

Anyways,

thats where Im at, Im taking his bed out this weekend, the frame and putting oldests in his room thats low to the floor so he cant crawl under it any longer to try and hide and throw his fits, he already lost the tv in his room, Im ready to just take away things and make him earn them, hes been horrid.

I told him he cant play next door either with the neighbor. So its going to be an interesing weekend.

I called my sister and talked really late last night, she called my ex to do some home repairs, and she said “Maybe he will tell us just to pay you the $$” I laughed, told her I havent gotten anything in about 3 mos.

We discussed how if he paid child support I could work part time, I just said how it would be nice to quit work, and not be full time and be there for them right after school and not exhausted and tired, but its the way life is. Little one wants all the attn, and oldest suffers and just is shoved to the side, and oldest is just so good about it and I feel bad for him too.

And and and and……

Sighhhhhhhh