Some Alone Time with ME

Dear Diary,

Good Morning,

I had a nice day yesterday, by myself. 🙂

I went to counseling after work and my counselor praised me and told me how well I was doing and she was saying I was doing great. I said “Am I really?” She said “Yes you are learning now to set boundaries, speak up for yourself” I guess I feel I have to have it all figured out and down and be perfect about it to be doing WELL. But Im learning and starting out, and Im doing well.

I told her how my ex is almost feeling like in the background since court. How it isnt as much of a concern. She said “Yes but now you have a new attorney and you feel you have that support that you didnt have before”

So we talked about my dating, the men, relationships.

I cant recall if I wrote yesterday but Mr C said “You rocked my world, and broke my heart” and just logged off in the middle of a nice conversation where he was telling me to spend time with female friends. It sort of threw me for a loop that he just logged off and then I started to feel guilty. But Mr C had told me has a tendency to pout. My ex did that majorly. And I used to come running behind him,,, WHats wrong??? why wont you talk to me? Why are you mad at me?? on and on and wanting to “Fix” whatever had occurred and make it right and I hated the idea of someone being upset at me. Well now?? I let it go. Sure I didnt like that he just left like that. But that was his thing, not mine to deal with. I was honest and up front with him which is what he has wanted from me.

I took kids to church and then went to the gym for an hour, I was working out and thinking about how long Ive been going there and I work out solo most of the time, and how much Ive learned and how I have more confidence and know what Im doing. How when I first joined all the weight equipment scared and intimadated me.

I weighed myself, I must be about 135!!! I havent seen those numbers in awhile. I was at 147 my highest last year while dating B, I was working out but my weight wasnt really dropping. Then all the sudden it did, and then it stabilized at about 137 for several months. And so Ive only been able to get in to the gym about twice a week and sometimes not at all some weeks, but Im still doing well. I would like to be ideally around 120-125 range. So its getting closer to being a possibility! I just need to adjust my diet more, I still comfort eat, not nearly as much, but I still do it.

After that I went to Barnes and Noble with an hour to spare. I bought a Caramel Frappucino, mmmmm from the Starbucks and then had an hour to spare before getting the kids. It was really nice, I had some books I wanted to look at, and I found a spot on the floor by the wall and camped out and read over some and picked out a few to buy. Found one on curly hair. I have “Corkscrew” curls, the type that Felicity’s Kerri Russel has( or had ) I was one of those people who loved her long curly hair and was shocked when she cut it also.

I also picked up 2 books on doing “Voice Over” work, I was browsing through the acting and film section and so I read through some of those, how people can make just as much being voice actors. I went Hmmmmm, and read some. I basically just need to start doing something, and Im guessing the local college is where I should give it a start. Its just where should I start first, theres so many options, acting, drama, radio, voice/singing? So I have to pick one and try it from there.

I then found the book “The Four Agreements” oh man, I read the one chapter there on “Dont make Assumptions” it totally hit me, how so much of my life is based on assumptions and what that does to oneself and those around them. Its like I have a new set of eyes to see things thru, its kinda wild!

I also bought “The Artists Way” finally last night along with the 4 Agreements book.

I wanted to buy the Michael J Fox biography but didnt want to spend that much so put it down.

I picked up the kids, got home and they talked to their Dad. My little one mentioned that Daddy was seeing if he could move back here( in this state, UGH) but he said Daddy said he didnt know. Also he said he will be here Sept 3rd. And the kids said he wanted to know if he could take the dog to visit them. I said No that the dog lives here, no way am I sending the dog off with my ex. Just made me realize how I have to get that in my paperwork also.

I took a bath and relaxed and B called me around 10:30. He sent me a cute email yesterday….it says…

“Hey I just got home from working on the Jeep and then swung by the Coffee Joint to relax over coffee for a sec.

Im sore so Imma take a jacuzzi I should be back aroud 9:30 or so. ***** is on da phone other wise Id have caled you to tell ya this, but hopefully I will talk to ya soon enough.

so I got he Jeep down to the exhaust header today =0). 4 more bolts to go and then its off. then we get to fit the new header on and then bolt the intake back on and everything else and then we is done!!! LOL. I figure I might have it done by tommorrow if I am lucky. Im so stoked its funny. Im all like I did it YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its cute. youd laugh if you saw me. I should take some pitures of it huh? I think i will take my camewra so I can take pics of my rebuilding my jeepiepoo….so I can send em to ya some day.

Loves ya beautiful. Hope youir day has found you well

muah Loves ya”

Yes the spelling errors are intentionally, its part of our chat lingo and how everyone talks. He has a mehanic friend who is assisting him with fixing his Jeep, no charge, and B has all the parts, so he said he may actually be done by this weekend! WOW! Hes amazed also, but then next comes registration and insurance and thats the part where he needs to get a new job to be able to afford all that. His current car is old and cheap to insure and register. But the Jeep is another story, and the gas mileage is another factor.

I read a chapter from my book to him over the phone, he wanted to hear. 🙂 So that was kinda cool, and we got into this long discussion about one of his part time jobs, he said it sucks, and was talking about job office politics and his disgust over them. I was seeing the point of view of the other side and he was siding with people who he said to him dont deserve this and are good people. And I was trying to side with Company policy, regardless if you like it or not, there are rules in the work place. Anyways he feels this girl is being singled out and he said shes really cool and they are discriminating.

But by the end of the debate between us he said “Okay I see your point” He was so insistent I see his it seemed, which I said “I see what you are saying, but here is this to look at and see also”

So he said he would love to see me this weekend but hes working on the Jeep and needs to get it out of this guys place and done, which I totally agree with, so I said “Why dont you call me later with the progress report on it and we can see, I was telling him last night if he is unsure I dont want to sit around tonight waiting and he may not even be able to come, that is another area that has to change! I need to stop waiting for the guy! Just do things I want to do, and not work around HIS schedule.

OH!

And Mr C called last night about 6pm and apologized for the way he was when we spoke online and said he was just dissapointed. I appreciated that he called to say he was sorry, Its sorta cool being more adult in handling things with people. Im so used to the old ex stuff so when I see people mess up and apologize and take responsibility for things, I respect that. So I left him a message said it was cool and thank you. He called me again last night while I was on the phone with B. He was at the Whiskey Vince Neil was performing, and it was LOUD!! I was like HELLO????? And I could hardly hear him, why he was calling me during that I have no clue, all I heard him say was it was almost over, he wasnt having the greatest night, and I said Call me later I cant hear you.

I didnt hear from him later, so see whats up today maybe.

Well back to my work day, I need to get a college schedule for classes again, Later!