Making Love to Him

Dear Diary,

This entry is for Adults 18 and over and of a sexual nature, so dont read if you are easily offended.

Just feeling a need to say more, just for my own self.

Victoria, you love B. You have been in love with B. Even when you are angry and apart from B all you have ever wanted was him and to see him make changes where they are needed and get help for himself.

It is such a wonderful feeling to lay next to B, to smell him, when he sat at my kitchen table I just looked at him, hes gorgeous. I have never felt this way towards a man physically before in my life, not ever during my marriage. I have never said “Cmon I want to take you to bed” to men in my life, it was usually them taking me, and me going but not all eager as can be.

But with B I want him, I desire him. I just wanted the movie to be over when he was here the other night, I just wanted to make love to him and fall asleep. I just wanted to be at one with him again.

Sex with him is so incredibly good. B told me this morning how nice it was to hear me talk, I was more expressive and talked during sex this last time. He said how much that turned him on, and how hes finding hes more and more able to be open sexually in ways hes never experienced before.

Its nothing all out kinky, sure this entry is sexual in nature, but Im speaking about the beauty of making love to a person who you totally trust and feel safe and adore and who is so wonderful at giving in the bedroom. And the way he gives are simple things such as “Woman do you know how I lucky I am that I get to make love to you?” and his soft words and demeanor. He can say “I love f&*$ing you” and it doesnt feel degrading or dirty. I had charted into that type of thing with my ex the last few years of the marriage but sex with him became about the thrill and pushing limits and experimenting, where the love and gentle warmness of just being at one with the person you love was lost. He was all about performance, emotionally connecting wasnt present. I feel so emotionally connected to B. Its an incredible feeling. We make love and it is just so pleasurable, and then when it is over we both experience the most wonderful feelings of exhaustion and passing out together. We laughed the first time this happened because we literally both fell asleep after we finished making love and no less then a minute later we were asleep until the following morning. He apologized for not cuddling me and passing out and I told him not to be sorry I passed out along with him.

I am ready to orgasm from the get go each time Im with him. Its amazing, so Im literally riding on pleasurable edge for so much of it. And I generally orgasm more then 3 times every time I am with him. He enjoys it, enjoys seeing it. And he likes to keep trying for more, I have literally lost count and gone to the point where my legs and body are so exhausted I shake, but its in a wonderful loss of control the way that it feels.

B will make little sexual inneundos at times, they are very sweet and innocent and cute in my eyes. He is very shy to come right out and just say things in a blatant manner and is apologetic, somehow thinking Im bothered when he shares how he feels about me , my body or desires me. I dont feel uncomfortable, I shared with him, the only reason I ever did get annoyed was when our time together was so limited and I would only see him for a sleep over, that I needed more out time with him not just in bed or else it feels like its all Im wanted for, but it wasnt meaning I didnt desire him nor did I not enjoy sleeping with him.

He laughs at me all the time for knowing what hes thinking or meaning or implying or pointing out how he diverts subjects, and just silly habits he has, He said “Wow, Im so transparent, how can you say you dont know me? Nobody has ever been able to know me like you do”

Right now I just wanna be wrapped up in his arms, take a day and be with him, a sort of honeymoonish feel about it all for me. Just a love get away.

Just him making dinner in my kitchen was wonderful to watch, intriguing. I sat there and said “How did I fall in love you,, its amazing” And I just look at that face, that man, how close Ive grown to him, Dear Lord I just pray he can continue to pull himself out of his hole, I adore him greatly and want him on this journey with me.