My Weekend??

Dear Diary,

Morning. I took the day off today. Last night the kids and I went to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets at the Dollar Theatres. It scared me! My oldest was plugging his ears and covering his eyes. And the sound was super loud in the theatre so it made it worse. Did others find it to be sorta scary? Or was it just the loudness of the sound. All those suspense moments where things pop out at you had me jerking in my seat.

So my little one sat and watched it all, left saying he wasnt scared, etc etc. So who starts crying in bed last night???? I had just put him to bed he fell asleep on the couch. He started crying so I went in and he said “Make them come back aliveeeeeeeee” And it was so sad but funny, so I said “Who?” Hes all “Moooom” So I said “Huney, your dreaming, Im right here, Im just fine” He was so out of it, I tucked his stuffed animal under his arm and he started to cry and say “Make him come alllivvvveeeee” Oh great I traumatized my kid with MY movie choice.

I had to have him come and sit in my office in my lap for awhile and then he went back to bed. But I had a dream also! But not that type.

I dreamt my ex came over, I dreamt we laid down in the bed together with the kids climbing around us. I dreamt that I was in the bathroom, and he began to tell me that he stopped having sex with people at a certain point, and hasnt done anything since then, and he began to touch me sexually, so the dream was primarily a lot of sexual memories of my Ex. And I was all into it in the dream, it felt so good. We did not have sex, it was just him touching me, I was too afraid to have sex, STD’s and I kept thinking about B in the dream, what am I gonna do? B will be so angry??? And then my Ex seemed to think he was back living with us as a result of him and I getting intimate. I said “Are you still going to get your things out of the garage?” Since in real life thats what is happening next. He said “Oh I thought Id just go and clean out and throw away stuff” meaning he was thinking he was staying and just going out to clean out trash and junk. In my mind I was getting panicy on how I could tell him he still wasnt living here and that I still wanted a divorce. And that was the end of it, I woke up.

This is the second dream Ive had like that.

I wake up feeling so guilty and all, like I betrayed B. Then to realize it was just a dream.

Last night B and I spoke before bed, He informed me his guy buddy( I know him to he is the brother of the people he rents from and the guy just moved out ) Well he met up with this woman online in person, and it turns out its a woman B briefly dated around 4 yrs ago or so. And the 2 were out and both discovered they knew B, and this guy knew of her because B said to him “Shes went all pschyo” So he told the woman that B said. B was saying how this guy never watches his mouth. So last night B and this woman spoke online, he messaged her and she was all “Omgosh how dare you talk to me???” She went on to say how she spoke highly of him, and how after things ended, she said he made her very depressed. B just told me “Victoria, it was the beginning of my slut phase when she and I met up, I was looking for anything I could get my hands on to sleep with. She was a cool girl, I did like her, but then she got all psyco and I just moved on, I didnt need to deal with that” But he said ” I do have to credit her with one thing, she was all into getting tested for STD’s and she made me go get tested, and its because of her I know regularly do that, I started to thank her for that last night and she just logged off in the middle of it.

Its just weird when you hear your man talk about women, which I know its weird for both ends. Anyways, I informed him another chat room duo who have been living together, well shes pregnant with the guys kid. B is all “OMGOSH! NO WAY! Im so out of the loop!” He was so shocked, since the guy is someone he used to go drinking and to bars with often, and the girl was at B’s apartment the night of the party when B and I got together. So she and I were talking last night. She and the guy are pretty happy but they said No marriage. We are both dating online chat room guys, and she said “Victoria, I know you two are still together, its been a long time! And I really like B”

🙂 Was nice to hear that.

So I guess I was feeling a bit warm and fuzzy over B last night. I do see him trying. I really do. But I do also realize he has a long way to go. But Im trying to relax, its nice to just talk to him at night and not worry and cry over something, to just enjoy life. And I do personally think, B has respect for me when I speak up very bluntly to him and say NO or THIS ISNT OK.

So we shall see how our night out on Sunset goes eh???

My girlfriend just cancelled for the Oscar Party, I mentioned it to B also and he sounded iffy on going. So Im kinda bummed. I have 2 guest spots, and no guests perhaps? Aweee, Im trying to think of who else I can invite last minute whod be interested.

Otherwise I guess Ill go it alone. I did that the first year after ex left.

So I have counseling today, and my hair appt, and kids leave to see their Dad this eve and I will head down to B’s.

Mr Comedy asked me last night about my weekend plans. I think I have some weird love/hate feel with him. You know what it is, hes always THERE, always available. So its sad but when theres nobody around, you can count on him. Yet at the same time, I cringe at his phone calls and dont return them, Im annoyed that he doesnt have a job and seems to glob onto others sucesses and tries to constantly network with people. I told him I was driving to LA mon with the boss lady in the Benz and hes all “And you are stopping by for lunch or dinner right??????” Im like “UM NO?” and he gave me his pouty sad face and why not? That part of him annoys me.

I still havent written him off, some days i want to, others I just tolerate him, others I think of asking him to go out and do something fun. Its a weird thing with him.

Well thats it for now! Later!