Siblings Together
Dear Diary,
So many areas of my life, going through emotional upheavals.
Both my sisters called me yesterday. So I talked to both, just so much is going on within my family right now. Its not in a bad way. Its good, its just everyone is tired of my parents and the way they act. We never question, we do as we are told, we dont make waves. And we are all grown adults now.
We are also gathering up items together for my brother. He and his wife split up. None of us know why, my brother bought another house for himself. So my sisters went to his new place this past weekend. Its an older home, fixer upper. And all he got were his items out of his den. My brother and his wife had a gorgeous, ranch style house that was huge! Brand New home. And I guess my brother said it was hard to even get the items of the den. Then den was his room, with all of his collectibles.
So hes been yard saling for items, and hes still paying the mortgage on his wifes house!
And I guess he has agreed to pay it if she doesnt move and stays there, he bought the house he bought so he could be very close to his 2 kids, so he said the agreement is he pays her house payment if she stays, if she moves then that deal is off. Like I said, none of us really know what happened to the 2 of them since my brother doesnt utter a word. So we are rallying together as siblings to give him things, I guess he barely had silverware to even eat with. So my sister is giving him a dishwasher. I told her I can give him some bathroom towels. We are all going through our surplus of items. I also have a kitchen table, chairs, and a coffee and end table my Mom gave me from their apartments they sold. He can take those also. So my sis talked about coming up and loading all that up for my brother. 🙂
B finally after months of no internet access got it hooked up last nite in his room and talked to me online. I didnt say much. Then when he asked how I was I responded with “Well its all sunk it how insensitive you were on Christmas” and I basically told him he is selfish, hes full of BS with his excuses, and its unacceptable to me. I didnt go on and on I just was straightforward with him.
He spoke about how he feels hes a bad person inside, like something is seriously wrong with him. And I said “B, whatever is going on its bigger than YOU, you need to seek help” and thats about all I really can say. I told him I loved him, and I dont doubt he loves me, but this relationship is going to totally self distruct at this rate. And he agreed. I didnt offer him how to make changes, what I need, etc. I just said “I have to take care of myself, and you are doing things I find cruel and insensitive, and its not ok with me”
Today he wrote me an email from work telling me to come out tonight, we are going shopping. I will go.
I had a big talk with both of my sisters about what is occurring and it seems to occur with ALL OF US. Not just me. And my sister said we set it up for ourselves that way. We give give give to people and put ourselves aside, excuse others behaviors and we continue to give. We make it easy for people to take advantage because we dont require anything on their part, we make excuses, but then later on we are wondering why we arent given the same in return? Because we didnt ever require it before, and our partners have had it made and dont have to do any work, why should they? We do it all and then excuse their behavior when they dont.
So I told B, THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
It was really interesting talking to my middle sister, when she dated her second husband she actually woke him up one night and said she was uncomfortable with him there. She told him she wanted him to go home. SHe also wanted to know where things were going, she was falling for him but also felt he was just maybe using her for sex, So she really needed to put it all out there to him.
Its just weird hearing your siblings doing the very same things youve said or done.
But she commended me for speaking up making my needs known.
Ex? He wrote me an email yesterday saying the kids arent eating, they are gagging on food hes serving them, and saying its too hot or its too cold, etc etc. I honestly am annoyed. Welcome to being a parent. I have to parent counsel you through emails now? I told him ” I have no idea why they are doing that, Ask them to tell you, ask them what they like to eat”
He wrote another email asking for more help on my part, and I ignored it. Its silly and I dont need him using child issues as a reason to disrupt my vacation and keep contact with me.
AS my sister and friends have said “Cut out the emails, tell him youll be away from the computer, if its an emergency call my cell phone or my parents”
Lastly, my sister does the finances, taxes, etc for my parents. She is also the will executor. And my parents are really weird with money. They act like they are in need of money but have so much. So Im really confused what my oldest sister said yesterday but she said this year she is going to tell my parents that me, my brother and my oldest sister need help financially. And to give us money with all the money theyve made this past year selling property.
EEEKS. I was a bit shocked to hear that. I dont get involved in that part. And I wasnt really clear on what my oldest sis was saying.
My youngest sister is well off financially, she has helped out my sister through all her divorce with legal fees etc, and wants to do more to help the family. How we need to be helping one another out. My brother spent all christmas eve repairing a busted pipe in the house he bought, then it rained and the roof leaked terribly, so he needs a new roof.
Ah boy , lots of new things ahead.
Well gonna scoot for now!