My Weird Christmas

Dear Diary,

Not sure how much Ill write right now.

Just an overview.

Christmas eve with siblings was very nice, Late nite Christmas eve with B was hurtful and inconsiderate. I have a lot of inner turmoil right now over the relationship and what I need to do for MYSELF.

Christmas Day was weird with my parents coming over, I honestly would have preferred them come and give gifts to the kids, hang out then leave, but my mom coming back over with my Dad to serve Ham was just plain awkward.

My Ex threw a fit on Christmas eve but I wasnt home to witness it since I didnt get in till around midnite from my sisters. My Ex was made the kids were not home to talk to christmas eve when he called(even though he was picking them up Christmas Day) He called and left an angry message telling “I dont care if they are in bed asleep you wake up my kids I want to talk to them on Christmas Eve!” and I guess he called my Mom and she had to hang up on him.

So B brought no gifts for kids nor I. After a week of him and I swapping wish lists, by HIS prompting and asking.

Mom took kids to ex at 4pm. Thankfully the kids had a nice christmas and were pretty good, had so much fun going to my sisters and being with their cousins and were just happy playing all day Christmas, later on B came out and helped my youngest assemble a lego set.

Mom said ex apologized to her at the drop off for how he acted.

B and I went straight to the movies to see the Two Towers and we both loved it.

Afterwards we ran all over trying to find an open store, he was going to make his “Chili Spaghetti” and we rented some movies. Ate dinner, snuggled up on the couch and watched “The English Patient” Slept really well, and I said goodbye to him this AM as we both left for work.

Now I have 7 days with no kids, a BF Im not to happy with how he is, we also had quite a bit of talking throughout yesterday. Me asking him why is he in this relationship, where does he want to go.

Basically, he doesnt know, his mind changes all the time, and hes not sure that hes the marriage type, and he is content with things the way they are.

So Victoria, your growing tired of it, yet you adore this man.

As I have said. I dont think B is a terrible person. He has issues and problems that he needs to work through, and how long will I hang out and hope?

Im afraid of letting him go.

Yet at the same time I cannot be hurt either, I have been through way too much and I dont deserve this and things he does are just plain thoughtless, selfish and unacceptable to me.

So my next 7 days? I dont really have any plans for time with B. And Im hoping Im strong enough to stick to that. And do my own thing. No more calls to set up something for US to do. I have an entire weekend FREE. And yes I want to leave town, and yes Im thinking about it with no B in site of it unless he calls to suggest it. Im not inviting him for anything.

New Years? Well my sister is having a party at her house I could go down and stay the nite for. Ill see if anything else comes up.

So the highlight of my Christmas? My kids being happy and not drawn into any crap.

Seeing the Two Towers

And most of all, Receiving an actual Christmas card via REGULAS MAIL from Military dude from Kuwait, and then Christmas day getting an email from him with a photo of him in the desert attached.

That is what I find thoughtful.

Yet I think back, Ive known Military dude since 1997. This is the first year hes remembered me for any holiday. Before that I did the cards, I even mailed him a birthday gift once. But I stopped being Little Miss make everyone feel loved and do things for them, when people dont for you. So this year? It was the year to take care of me.

And my friend here, I got your card the same day as Military dude. 🙂 Thank you, yours and his cards were needed in the midst of my weird holiday. Thank you, I love you.

Later