Liking Sex

Dear Diary,


Back to work. I was with B or in his area since Friday. Since I dont have the kids I spent the night there and drove to work, took me about 40 min to drive to work, but to be honest that doesnt bug me. And there is no traffic going in my direction so its a nice drive.


This is just a RAW entry. Im gonna mention sex, so if you are offended, stop reading right here k? 🙂


B was shocked that I came down, he told me thought I wouldnt come. He was with his roomie working on his computer. So we went up to his room, he sat me down and just held me around my waist and said “Honest I wasnt trying to be insensitive and do nothing for you for christmas, I really thought things were going to happen a different way” and went on about why he thought that. He had a little bit of a drink so I said “Hun, youve been drinking havent you?” he said “Yes, are you mad?” I said “No, I just dont think this is the best time for this convo because when you drink you are overly nice and Id rather have you in your REAL state” So we headed out to get me some dinner. Hes been paying for me everywhere now since this new job. Whevenever we go out, he pays, he pays to gas up my vehicle, he even gave me grocery money for me and kids, this weekend he gave me money to spend at the mall when I went out for awhile by myself.


When I ask to help pay he says “Why?”


Its just different adjusting to this you know?


What fascinates me I guess about us is the difference in our personalities. How different we are in some ways, yet we want to be with eachother.


I was trying to really think, “What is it Victoria that you like about B so much? What is it????”


I tried to even do some comparing, how I had nice times with Comedy guy, or Music dude, how they held these other qualities I love, that B just doesnt have. But what is it about B??? Theres something that draws me to him. And I guess when it really came down to it. HES REAL. He doesnt waste time with phoney facades, he doesnt play needy, and controlling, throwing fits over where my time is spent, hes honest, and at times he does make excuses, but we have been so close that I can easily say “B, knock it off, your evading the issue” and he will laugh because he knows Im right and he will say “Wow, Im so transparent, you know me so well”


That even with all this conflict that goes on, he doesnt scream at me. Me on the other hand when something I feel bad happens I feel I have to go into a “ITS OVER!” mindset.


B told me “Your hard to read Victoria, I never know at times what Im going to get from you since you are subject to change at times, and it doesnt make sense to me”


And the other thing about B? I find the man incredibly sexually attractive, pleasing to the eyes. Ive never been like this with a man before. Just watching him at the house work on his computer in his sleeveless shirt, I love the mans arms. His tattoos are gorgeous ( THEY ARE!) and his arms are just so sexy.


Hes mr quiet intellectual. And its just interesting at times to just watch him.


We went out to eat yesterday with his roomie pal and another chick, and I just want to kiss the man in public, Im always leaning over in his ear saying “You look sexy” or some compliment. He will say “Oh whatever, shush” and I will do it again, partly cause I like to see him uncomfy and smiling.


We had a nice dinner on Saturday night at the one restaraunt we also frequent often. It began to drizzle as we were eating, its a really well trafficed area, and trendy part of town. We shared all our food, sat side by side, B was pointing out a couple across from us, watching their body language and overhearing parts of their convo, he said it looked like a first date and he was critiqing things. It was amusing. 🙂


And well, the sex part?


Sex is never bad with B. But the past few mos its not been the same. Foreplay doesnt just come in the form of time in bed, but in time together, Bonding, interaction. And well, I swear I was so turned on I couldnt even stand it. And making love to him was oooohh sooooo YUMMY!


I laugh at myself, I feel like Im having a small glimpse into my Ex’s head. He was always mr sex sex sex.


Not that I am, but oh boy this weekend! I couldnt keep my hands off B, and well he was quite wonderful himself. But I keep expecting him to say “okay woman enough!” lol I will take him any moment I can have him. Im sore in my abdominal, thigh, butt muscles. And its a good sore. 🙂


I was going to go home last nite, I needed to feed the dog and all, and was going to leave. But last minute I asked B to come with me home then back, and he did. 🙂 So last night I got to sleep with him again. And see him leave bright and early for work.


In between all the love making, I went shopping at the mall for several hours on Sunday. By myself, and went to Victoria Secrets. I swear I was turning myself on just putting lingerie on, then the night before B and I went to a book store after dinner, and I was all “Cmon babe, lets go find the sex books” and we found this really fascinating book. B just laughs at me when I get all Ms Spunky. Hes so much more reserved. Hes seriously nothing like my ex was sexually. And I just tease B and tell him its because Im 30 now. So he better hold on for the ride cause Im in my sexual prime now.


And I have to say, my whole view and outlook on sexuality has changed so much since leaving my ex. Its very freeing to be happy and okay with your sexuality, and not guilt ridden or confused or being annoyed at your partners sex drive.


Not sure if Ill stay home tonight or go to Bs again. But we are gonna spend New Years together, we both get New Years Day off. And he covered it with me when I was there, said he was offered work, so said he had to see if girlfriend wanted to do something, and well we will be together. 🙂


Adios for now!

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