Narcissism

Dear Diary,

Oh boy lots to do at work today!

I cannot wait till I get to go home tonight and RELAX! Wooohooo!

Spoke to B a little online last night. His phone line still isnt working, it was turned on yesterday but I guess he has to mess with the line or something.

He left his wallet at my house, which I dont know but struck me totally odd. Maybe its just paranoia? I think Im kinda freaking myself out? I dont know. 🙁 I just have read all this stuff on personality disorders and we talk about it in group and I feel a lot of these behaviors are B. And well B is even aware and believes he has some type of disorder. Even though I dont really bring it up, he is the one who has been telling me, and so when I read new things it just registers. And the think with personality disorders is this is often hard to change. It requires a lot of work on the individuals part.

I noticed when I discussed Narcissism with B in the kitchen the other day he said it was just a person being consumed with their looks. And I told him no that there was more to it. IVE READ IT. There are sites on NPD. So I was trying to tell B that it was more involved then that. He got stern and said “NO” and we went back and forth about 3 times over it. I knew what I was talking about so I wasnt going to agree with him. But just the adamence he had in saying he was correct. It was different for me to see. I notice how I often just listen to B talk and let him say whatever, even if I dont agree, cause well, most topics arent really worth debating to me, or I dont really have an interest in them or know much. But this time I did. And I just remember music dude talking about the younger girl hes dated saying how when people are young they think they know everything and dont want to listen or discuss things. They arent open(Im not saying all young people)

I told my boss wifey during our drive about him saying NO over and over and she replied “Thou dost protest too much” B is intelligent.

I’m also trying to listen to my instincts, the little voice inside me. Yet Im scared?

Its like part of me feels give B a chance. I do love B and I cant imagine having him NOT around. Yet at the same time part of me feels B and I at this point in life arent meant to be “Together” in a long term sense. I cant see us that way, I dont see it working. And well why prolong it and become more emotionally invested and make it harder?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Music dude called before I went to bed. He was at the club. He said that someone attempted to mug 2 girls outside so they were shaken up and he had to get them calmed down and called the police to come out. I know he was really good about that, he was mugged a few years back in an alley in Hollywood. He told me the story the day we went to the museum. Someone put a gun to his head and they pulled his pants down, they took his money, he said he just ran like hell and a deli owner had him come in and called the police. So he said he knows how it feels.

He tells me how he likes what he does, yet at the same time he said it feel so sinister and evil. There is the whole underside in it. He said they had a punk band out and every squatter in Hollywood was there, and they had to call the police for that also. He tells me lots of interesting things. About how they check to see if you are over capacity, undercover cops, about making sure noise levels are ok. He is also having problems with his new assistant and may end up having to fire this one also.

Interesting business I tell ya. 🙂

He is getting his little girl tonight. We laughed how we each have the same weekends with our kids.

Im going to attempt the gym today after work if I have the energy! All this splurging last few days, restaraunt foods and desserts, I need to go! 🙂