Trouble Getting in the Spirit?

Dear Diary,

Just had some bread sticks with marinara sauce. Mmmmm, but now Im full. And B is bringing me my favorite Spicy Thai Pasta dish from my fave restaraunt after work. Maybe Ill wait a bit later to eat it. 🙂

I was just replaying some things in my head ( yeah Im well known for that ) But when sister and I ended the call she said she knew it was my birthday and Happy Birthday. And then she said “And you know how weird we all are with birthday but it took us all around 30 or so years to figure this out” We all discovered we have some strange issue with birthdays. Its really hard to explain. But birthdays take a lot of effort, its almost like a really big burden/pressure we put on ourselves to DO SOMETHING, send a CARD. And it doesnt come freely out of something nice to do cause you care, we almost agonize over it. Yet we all love eachother dearly. But none of us knew we all felt the same way(all 4 of us kids)until my sister asked me about it last year. Then we finally discovered we all felt the same and in a way it was a relief to us all. We have all just kinda relaxed and let it go. Sound weird? But none of us will be doing anything probably for awhile for one another until we get it figured out? Or whatever it is? Its strange I tell ya!

My sister seems it comes to come from Mom and Dad never doing things for them for their birthdays. Like having a party. Yet I was raised with birthday parties. So its all confusing. But then there are just some weird things that happened. Example…

My Dad bought my sister a car for her 18th birthday. She was so happy and cried. My mom had bought her a typewriter for college which my sister also needed back then. Well I guess my Dad and brother bought the car and got it all ready to surprise her. Once they took her out to see and she was so happy, she said my mother walked out and said “I didnt know about this!” Im taking back your type writer! You cant have both” and my sister said she kept griping about it and just wouldnt let my sister enjoy the moment and my sister said Mom ruined it.

Then on the other extreme my Dad bought my oldest sister luggage for her graduation gift( he wanted her to move out ) and my sister remembered how hurtful that was.

So I was thinking today. And yes I do have a few moments. My parents forgot my 16th birthday.

And one easter when I was little my sis came out from college and went to the store, this was week before easter and she said the easter bunny(person dressed up) gave her a special gift for me. And she brought me home a small chocolate bunny. This was the week before Easter. So that Easter morning when I woke up I ran out looking for the usual basket or hidden goodies my parents placed about the house. And I found nothing. I began to cry and my mom said “Remember that bunny your sister brought from you last week? That was from the Easter bunny”

I went to my room and cried. My Dad overheard this and left. About an hour later he came in my room and said “Did you look upstairs?” Upstairs was my dads area that was separate from the house. I said No, and he told me Id better. Up there he had stashed candy( all he could scrouge up on easter day from the store) and there was a video of Bugs Bunny in the VCR for me. 🙂

So yeah our parents did do weird stuff to us. So we are just trying to come to terms with our own feelings about these things. We all like holidays and all that. We want to have it with our OWN new families but we still have trouble with getting into the “Spirit” of things I guess.