Evening at Home

Dear Diary,

Its about 8pm on Friday night.

I sit here with damp hair, Im clean and just filed and trimmed my nails( I broke one off and snagged another doing yard work this eve)

I went home, watched a brief spot of Dr. Phil. Since I work later now I am not home in time for an Oprah, and Im off to the gym. So I peeked at Phil today, was about couples at odds over having children or more children. Was just interesting. Made me wonder about myself. Will I ever have another child? Its not something I actively pursue, nor do I actually look forward to? Yet at the same time Im not totally turned off by it, and would like to have the option available should I find a man I love and want to share a child with. But then again Im always scared about getting pregnant. Yet Im scared about messing with my body( Im mrs natural dont tamper with your body) :::Sigh:::

Anyways, I read Annikas diary about her and her husband. It was nice to read. About their move, something about going to dinner, having a toast with wine under a orange moon. It was a nice visual for me in my mind.

No call or anything from B today. 🙁 I asked him if he was working this weekend, he said yes but didnt know when exactly. But said hed let me know when he found out. So Im gathering maybe hes working tonite? Who knows, its saddens me at times when I feel so just HERE. Not that I need to know all he does, I just miss having that person who you exchange daily life with, keep one another updated.

But that has been drifting farther apart between us, well its pretty much how he has been, Im just starting to become the same with him.

After I picked up the kids, we went and got some gas for the mower. I came home and started on the front lawn. Its breezy today, a little cool. So good time to do it. I have always liked yard work, Im growing to like it less though. It was often my retreat, I did it always while married to my ex. It was a form of therapy for me. I felt I was creating art(yeah doing the lawn, sound weird?)I loved looking at it when I was done. Now I dont like getting so dirty, my skin coated in it, its in my nose. I hate most of all the new lawn mower bag. THe opening is too small so the grass cant just be shaken out! GRRRRR! How would I have known that before buying it? So I have to reach in the bag to pull the grass out, then it all fills the air and gets all over me.

I mowed the lawn, raked up the needles from the pine tree, I then cleaned up the flower area near the front window. I have several rose bushes there. I noticed another one has a few buds and one opened! With the weather they all bloomed and I thought they were done a few mos ago. I really wish I had some money to pay a gardener to clean up the front planter. Its a big job and I just dont have the energy for it. There is all this viney plant growing throught the whole planter that is just spread all over, my sis ripped some out for me awhile back, Id just prefer grass to grow there around the roses bushes. And then to place stones needly and my little bench, and make it a sitting area with little garden decorations placed about. One day perhaps?

Music dude said “Wow you have a lawn? You do yard work? You dont have a gardener?” haha, hes in LA and doesnt have a yard at all. Just a back patio. And he said he grew up in Michigan doing HUGE lawns so he hates yard work.

I peeked at the beach rental website today, once again longing to get away wishing I could afford to do so. At one time remembering how the idea almost came true, how I wanted to take B and we got into some arguments and discussions and he just showed a lack of enthusiasm for such things. The desire to get away in such situations with him isnt there now. 🙁

Well I think Im going to work on my house a bit this weekend, just clean up, organize. Get the rest of the backyard mowed, rake up the back.

I have to call 2 people. I keep thinking of them almost daily but dont seem to have time by the end of the day and I just need to make the time. One is the christian woman I stopped by a month or so ago to visit. We spent a lot of time together when my kids were babies/toddlers. My ex worked for her husband for a year and I babysat her daughter. Great christian people. So she was jazzed to see me and called me last week. I know she does Creative Memories, well not sure if she still does, but wanted to see if she wanted to get together and work on albums again like we did long ago.

I also need to call my old group moderator guy. I never returned his call, I got all weirded he called. So I just havent called back yet.

Well thats all for now,