Grateful I ended it

Dear Diary,

Ahh back to the weekly grind. Its weird now that I have started doing things or going away on weekends. It feels like Im worlds away and I dont want to go back. 🙂 I love my job though, and to be honest, that is probably ultimately what keeps me here.

Ok so onto the Ex drama. :::Sigh:::

My mom told his Aunt to have him call her, my mom is getting sick of his late stuff and wanting the courthouse. Its an inconvience for her if he cant be on time, so she wasnt going to drive over there this time and told his Aunt to have him call her. So I called Sunday eve to ask if he called. She said No. I was at B’s, its about 30 min to my moms from there so told her to call me when they arrived and Id head out. So its 6:30. Nothing yet. The time is 6pm. So by 6:45 I told B Id better go and I was shocked my ex was late AGAIN. I called his cell on the way out. He answered and I said “Are you bringing the kids?” He replied all cocky “We have been waiting at the courthouse since 6pm” I was so pissed off. What the hell is he doing? One week he says meet there, then he calls my mom just before shes leaving, says hes running late, instead says he will drive to her house, then he shows an hour and a half later. Then he doesnt show on Fri, 20 min after his aunt arrives all frazzled cause he called her to get them cause he was late again, so my mom is thrown into this because I dont trust my ex. She doesnt want the BS. Shed be happy to just have the kids at her house while she waits as opposed to a car in the heat when he isnt on time in a court parking lot. And then just drop them off at her house. Whats the big deal? ITS CONTROL is what it is with him.

So I lost it on the phone. Ive been cool for so long. I said “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you play these games? Why would you sit there for an hour and not call me or my mom if you really felt that was the plan to let us know you were there?” he then got his “Vicky, you had better stop yelling at me or else Im gonna…” I said “I dont care” and kept talking and told him hed better bring the kids to my mothers. He refused. My cell phone connection cut out then. GRRRRR!

I had to turn around and drive to where the cell would work, called my Mom told her what was up and so she said “Oh great” and drove to the courthouse. I then called Ex’s aunt. I guess I wanted to see if she told him, and for some feeling i had a feeling they were at her house not the courthouse. I could hear a lot of voices when I called.

So I spoke to her and asked if Ex was there. She said Yes. I said “He said he was at the courthouse” She replied “Well he was, he just got here” I said “Did you tell him to call my Mom about today? My mom has been waiting” She said “I thought your Mom said to call her if he was going to be late..” grrr cell phone signal went off. I tried calling her back but then the phone was busy. 🙁 I hope she didnt think I hung up on her. I am planning to write a letter and go leave it at their house today just apologizing that they were put in the middle of things and telling her I was no upset with them. I was just trying to figure out what happened and my cell phone cut out and I couldnt reach them after that.

So I drove and was crying and pissed off. Frustrated. What can I do? Its like I have court papers now and he screws with everything. He shows up late? He tries to change times, he just does so much screwy crap you just have no idea. And he keeps calling his Aunt instead of me or my mother when he does anything and she shouldnt even be in the equation. I mean literally hes putting her in front of his messes cause he doesnt want to face it or something, or he is just an asshole who gets off on doing this.

So once I got into town I called Ex again to tell him my mom was coming to the courthouse. I was hoping my mom wasnt angry because he was now at his aunts and she didnt know and was going to the courthouse. I said ” My Mom is coming to get the kids” He starts talking loud saying “VICKY. YOU BETTER STOP YELLING AT ME! DONT YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT…” I said “My mom will get the kids where are you?” then he said “You better stop yelling!” and I wasnt??? I know what he was doing, trying to make a scene at his aunts and make me look bad in front of them all. He then said “YOur Mom has them!” I said “Ok thank you” and just hung up. He just kept trying to argue and say I was yelling and I cut it off. I then called Mom and she had just gotten the kids, she figured to try the aunts when she didnt find the kids at the courthouse. She said my ex walked out and said “If you want to be mad at anyone be mad at your daughter!” my mom replied “I dont want to hear it” she said he then went on to say why he was late friday, she said she didnt want to hear it. She didnt yell, she just wanted to get the kids. She said “Yeah he just wanted to make excuses”

She said my youngest was crying when they left. So when I walked into my moms my little one says “Mommy, Daddy was throwing a fit with you huh?” I didnt know what to say, My ex tries to portray it in front of everyone that Im starting up stuff, and to here my kid say that. Im gathering he heard Ex’s relatives say that. Because his uncle knows my ex plays mind games, and he has told him to knock it off once last year and told my ex to stop over reacting. So Im gathering someone told him to stop throwing a fit and they had to have seen him angry and yelling at me on the phone.

I had called my sisters house right before I got to my moms. I was so angry and needed some help to deal with this stuff. She has been thru it all. So she was asleep and her husband talked to me. He said “Vicky, your ex is a asshole, hes irrational, the only way to deal with these kinds of people is to remember nothing they do is rational, and to treat them like a child” I said “So cater to his whims each visit of changing plans?” He said “Yes, just say OK, yes, uh huh, sure” BUT if you remain calm, it pisses these kinds of people off, they want to push your buttons, they want to see you angry and when they dont get the desired responses they stop. And then when you are rational he will continue to screw up, and YOU DOCUMENT IT, so when this keeps up you have everything you need, the courts dont want to deal with words thrown out and accusations, they want paperwork, so write all this down, date times, where and all. and it will come back on him. And please remember everyone sees through these games, even family, they will get tired of it, because they just look so stupid” So I knew I lost my cool, My mom told me not to feel guilty that sometimes one needs to speak out and let out some of it. And not to feel bad about it.

My mom did tell me that she asked the kids if they ate dinner, they said yes and they ate at his aunts. Then my little one said “Grandma, were we late? Daddy stopped out in the sand to climb some rocks and thats why we took so long” So my mom doesnt believe my ex was really even there at the courthouse as long as he claims. He was basically just dropping them at his aunts and wanting to get outta town and leave them for her to deal with. And my Mom said and his aunt claimed they just arrived, yet the kids had time to eat spaghetti there?

::::grabbing head::::;

See how utterly crazy making this is? I hate it. Whenever this stuff happens I just sit in amazement that I was with that man as long as I was. It baffles me now how I put up with him for so long and makes me so grateful and to know I made the right decision to end the marriage.