Triggers?

Dear Diary,

I did write him an email before I went to bed last night. It said..

”

Sometimes all I want is to be comforted. Nothing else. No words or solutions, no telling me sorry life sucks, just warm arms, kind words, a gentle touch to reassure me.

That is all. Im not asking for you to tell me it will all be ok. Im just asking for comfort.”

I dont need boyfriend to lie to me and that all this will go fine and dandy. Im aware of that one.

When he and I first started going out, I cried often, heck I was still missing my ex and crying/grieving. He would day “Darling, its ok, you cry, you spent 12 yrs of your life with this man and you think all the feelings will go away in 6 mos?” and I could just cry and he would hold me.

I cried with him one night a few weeks ago. He didnt respond to me. I have noticed Im starting to feel embarrassed about crying around him. He used to be immediatly concerned and sensitive when I would cry. Now he doesnt really do much. And then he is very critical and gives me these lectures on How this is gonna be for me, its gonna suck, and I cant change, so accept it and stop your whining.

I also was thinking last night about Triggers. We have been going over this in group. I dont know enough about it all yet, But I am aware Im very senstive about when I cry and how someone responds to it. And its triggering my feelings about how Ex was with me. From the get go with my ex, he got angry when I cried, and also ignored me. And so this was a very sore spot with me in the marriage. My tears felt useless. And now Im fearful boyfriend is the same way.

My Ex used to say “Well I guess Im just fucked up huh?” and things like that, then go to the bedroom and just go to sleep. So boyfriend has started doing this also. Downing himself, then retreating to bed. So this is another similarity to my ex that scares me and is a trigger reminder.

I havent learned how to deal with triggers yet. Im aware its there, but what now?