Saddy Girl

Dear Diary,

Boyfriend will be coming to see me. Yesterday I wanted him so badly, was in a mood for his physical closeness.

I spoke today on the phone once again about the woman and he said “Why does it matter Victoria?” and I could tell he was annoyed. How could he not be? Why is his girlfriend rambling on about whether her ex is with some woman or not? I felt stupid and shut my mouth. I dont need to share these thoughts with him, they are better poured out here in my writings. I dont wish to hurt boyfriend, yet I dont quite understand my feelings. Today was a depressive unmotivating day for me. Im guessing due to lack of sleep, warm weather and low blood sugar because I just didnt eat much and what I did eat wasnt protein.

I really am concerned about my emotional feelings on weekends. So long as Im out and about i am fine, but when I have to stay home, without another adult, Im not so hot.

I feel at times, I am way too confused, I have too much closure that is not yet completed with my ex, Wondering what tirade of emotions being in court and what will transpire there will bring. What will it stir up within me, I do not wish to upset boyfriend with thoughts about my ex, but I know they will come up. Im still mourning. I am probably just going thru a little funk here, and will pull out, as I usually do. I need to be in the gym. I wasnt able to go for a whole week. My work schedule is out of whack, kids are out of school, my life is flipped a little. I need my daily gym release. So Im going to have to make diff arrangements and make that a priority. It may be part of what i need.

I need to mourn this loss, cry and hurt and be sad. Yet I want to be loved and not be alone.

🙁