Your Already Dead

Dear Diary,


Afternoon.


I just left a little part out of my entry for the weekend I just realized.


Nothing major.


But my friend D called me Sun AM. She was supposed to meet me Thursday night at my house but never showed up or called.


So she called Sunday and said “Im sorry I flaked on you, I dont know where my head was, well I do, but we can talk about that later, anyways, I have my kids right now, and thought we could come over and the kids could see the place” I didnt know what to say, B and I were just getting ready to head out the door for breakfast, and I wanted D to come over first and just talk to me, and even LOOK at my house. I didnt want her with her 3 kids coming over to evaluate it. And I really just wanted to kinda have a sit down talk with her. Kinda tell her Im her friend and I care, what ways I can help and what ways I cant, and I even thought it would cool if she came over and met B and talked with US. But not with the kids, would be too difficult. So I told her “Well this is my day off and Im just heading out, youll have to come over another time” She was all “oooh, ok” I just notice how people can talk to you and dominate, just calling up wanting to come over when she wants to and not scheduling it with me.


Then she said how her oldest daughter doesnt want her to move out of her Aunties house. Im like Ugh.


Anyways, who knows when I will hear from her next. I told B, its more like Im to the place of saying, if you need to spend a night here and there and be away from everyone thats cool, as a friend I can do that, but the moving in? The kids? The boyfriend? Music dude said “Victoria! You dont need that drama, stay away from that!”


I just have to evaluate the situation as it goes I guess.


B is like “She needs to be told “Stop being stupid, your fucking yourself” and B can get away with speaking like that. haha not me. But it is the truth and I can see it.


I rented a foreign film this weekend. Ex’s aunt recommended it to me. She works at the video place. So she got me the movie and said “Watch it, tell me what you think about it” And she gave it to me as a free rental. 🙂 It was called “Raise the Red Lantern” with subtitles. These 4 mistresses/wives to this Wealthy Chinese Master. And how their lives are, how jealousy sets in, who gets to sleep with him that night and the rules that follow and all of the events that transpire as a result of everyone manipulating eachother.


The ending sucked though! Haha, B even said “Thats the thing with foreign films, the endings! I dont get”


We also watched “Girl Interrupted” B had never seen it. And its kinda freaky, reason why I thought of showing it to him, was because of Angelina Jolies character, her phrases and thoughts, a lot similar to B.


When we went to breakfast on Sunday he made a comment to the scene where they find the girl who hung herself in the bathroom. How Winonas character is crying and on the floor, and Angelina’s character is all taking money from the dead girls pockets and saying “Cmon, dont be stupid” and B is all “And she just stayed there and cried and was stupid”


In my mind she had the heart, she was the one who got better, such as later on when she tells her “Nobody cares about you, your already dead!”


So its just wild how different our minds can be, how we can look at situations and each see it so differently.


Well gonna head out again for now!

Similar Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *