YAY! FEEL BETTER!
Dear Diary,
I had the most WONDERFUL GROUP! Tonight!!!!!
It was exactly what I needed, thank you God!
It helped me so much and applied directly to my life and what is going on with me, and offered me tools to work through much of what I am going through! I was about ready to cry at one point, not sadness, but because its as if my eyes were opened to some things, they just finally clicked and made sense. And I guess I saw a great lesson, a lesson boyfriend has been trying to convey to me all the time I have been with him, but I didnt get it, until tonight!!!
I was so thrilled, and just wanted to call and tell him I love you. I instead came home and wrote him an email just thanking him.
Here are some of my notes I took today…
The 4 Agreements
1.IMPECCABLE SPEECH-Thinking about things with your head, not your emotions.Thinking positively.
2. TAKE NOTHING PERSONAL- What people say about you has nothing to do with you, its about how they think of you.
3. MAKE NO ASSUMPTIONS- Dont make Judgments. Dont play God
4. DO YOUR BEST
When you pray, ask for “Clarity of Vision” We say that we were are “in love” with our abuser, when instead we are addicted and dependent on them.
Your emotions should not rule you. Be Proactive, not Reactive. Everything is a Choice.
INDIFFERENCE is the key to healing! Not caring about who has hurt you.
She gave many examples on things. Like one person who is constantly complaining about her old car, what a pain it is, how much gas it takes.
She said instead of criticing the car, why not thank god for the car, that you do have one and that it is more then others have and you are fortunate to have it.
Another person said how she is so hurt that some of her family wont acknowledge her. The woman said “So what? Why does it matter to you if they cannot see what a wonderful person you are? It is there loss. Instead you beat yourself up and compare yourself and talk yourself down that you are not good enough, If they cannot love you for who you are then why do you need them?”
I care entirely too much about what other people think of me. Boyfriend always says to me… “Victoria? What is the phrase?” and I always forget. When Im rattling off about others and what they say and do to me or what others are doing. He then says “DONT CARE DONT CARE DONT CARE” Say it with me Victoria”
Boyfriend brought the word INDIFFERENCE to my life. I took it as a bad quality. A numb state. Not saying hes all mr perfect emotional health. But he has a grasp on indifference. A good one also. And it showed me today learning what great strength he has, how he has handled what life has dished out at him and he has a great way to handle it. I took it as him being closed off and not available. Its him only putting his energy into what is profitable for him, not wasting useless time, energy and emotions on things.
I sat there and thought about how pretty that woman is my ex is with. Boyfriend said “Why do you care?” he is right. Why am I comparing myself to her? Im a beautiful woman! Why am I putting myself down, telling myself I am less than.
That is my own fault, my own doing. Im inflicting abuse on my self. I need to stop.
I feel so much better tonight. I learned so many other valuable tools and things to apply to my thoughts. Ive been running on emotions, that has been my problem, as long as I continue I will remain on this roller coaster.