Sadness

Dear Diary,
Having a hard week, I got really sick, from hubby, a flu bug, that totally knocked me down, no energy, fever for days, achy, then a cough…

All the time laying in bed and unable to do much has me thinking of Mom, A LOT

Feeling very alone, missing my MOM.

Sad

And sad about the kids situation, the up and down not knowing what my boys are doing, I reached out to my youngest twice and he did reply but didnt follow through either time. So no plans to visit the grandbaby are in action because I cant even get a phone call to plan. then my son said things arent going well for him either, but he will call me after work(2 days ago) and Im just getting tired of being told things that dont come about.

Im tired of seeing things second hand through social media, its making me want to give up Social Media, so Im gradually clearing out my friends list, because I just have a bunch of people on that I dont talk to really.

Im trying to find a counselor right now, Im just crying a lot, thinking about Mom,

And Im feeling alone, I havent really spoken to my big sis still, hubby is here but he can only do so much.

I just feel lost and I always had my mom to call, to talk to, to go see, she understood, she listened, I didnt have to break down the history of the boys, or how big sis would act weird, she knew,

And most people dont know what to say to you when you loose someone, so then I dont even want to bother to say much because if I get a bunch of silence I think that will further make me sad. So I just deal alone. I had a therapist I loved back in California, I called her once when living out here but she was moving and closed her practice and said I could call until the number no longer worked.

I just want to cry and be hugged, I just want to cry and cry and cry….

Thats how I feel, I cry in the shower, thinking of Mom. Saying I miss her.