Rest of Weekend

Dear Diary,

Ah back to work, I actually enjoyed my weekend so much I wasnt ready to come back to work. I have almost been feeling the total opposite for awhile, getting out all weekend with a variety of things did some good. And my kids said each day “Mom this is the funnest day ever!”

Me and the kids went to the store yesterday before the BBQ. I went to price lawn mowers, weed trimmers, and tents. Those are a few things on my list Id like to buy. Im going to get the lawn mower in the next couple days. No more waiting to borrow and lug my moms mower back and forth.

We then went to the BBQ. It was a small gathering. The kids ran around out back and played, I sat and chit chatted a little, and had some yummy ribs and cookies too! It was really sweet because they gave all of us mom these pretty almost orangish pink roses as gifts and took a picture of all of us mothers with our children. My friend Cs wife is into photography so she snapped a lot of photos. It just was different. Its normally people snapping family photos and doing this sort of thing, but instead they each had their mother, then just friends over who are mothers. C and I talked a little not as much as I would have liked but hes busy with 2 toddlers. (C is my long time childhood friend mentioned in yesterdays entry) I watched C though. I watched how good he was with his children, how sweet and loving. I watched how he was with his wife, often coming by to hug her and put an arm around her. And then I watched C with his Mom. I think that touched me the most. He would sit next to his mom and put his arm around her, ask her how she was doing, how she was feeling, and on and on, very attentive to the women in his life. And of course inviting me over was a nice thought.

As I drove to Cs place I saw a girl D crossing the street. This is where I spent 16 yrs of my life, so there are still some original neighbors there. I stopped in the street and D came over to my window. Ive known her since she was a baby, I used to babysit her, she has a father who is in jail and her mother was killed in a freak horse accident when she was about 7 yrs old. So she lived across the street from me and was raised by her grandparents. A drunk grandfather and a very quiet hard working frail grandmother. Shes never had it easy. So she reached in my window and hugged me. I asked her if she was staying out of trouble and she said she was trying. She was on probation last time we spoke. So I told her id stop by soon and just come visit with her.

After the BBQ I told C we were gonna head down to fisit Mr Iv. He is the man I just saw a few weeks ago at the cemetery, the sort of grandpa I never had. So me and the kids walked down, as Im walking a truck stop and yells “Victoria!” and there is G and her husband, another girl I grew up on the same street with. Its just funny how your whole life was centered around this culdesac I grew up. It was a great way to grow up. And its cool to return and see familiar faces. So I said hello to her and then headed to Mr Ivs. He told me before to just go in his backyard gate, he never answers his front door, Ive always felt weird about walking in his yard but this time I just went for it. And there the kids and I found him watering his back lawn seating on the rocks with his cowboy hat on and gardening gloves. I always wonder if he forgets who i am, but he doesnt.)Mr Iv is 91 yrs old!) And he seemed old when I was a little girl,haha. So we sat and talked, and the kids ran around, but my youngest was interested in listening to Mr Iv talk. He even asked him how his wife died and he told him how she got sick and went to heaven and how she was such a wonderful wife. She died awhile ago, Im guessing around 10 yrs ago.

So Mr Iv says “So you got a good husband do you?” I said “No, Im getting a divorce” He said “Oh ok so that means I have to wait till its final to propose to you” and I laughed. So then he started in with “So I think Im gonna have to marry you, are you a good driver? I want to go near Palm Springs to visit my sister, Do you know how pretty you are? I bet guys tell you that all the time dont they. Yeah I need to find me a nice gal like you. I want to have a gal to drive around with” and yes Mr Iv is still driving, you cant help but spot him doing about 25mph when you see him in his truck around town.

I told him it was time for me to get going, that I would come visit again sometime. I need to bring boyfriend with next time. 🙂 And we told C goodbye and I hugged and thanked he and his wife for inviting us over.

Came home to an email from a highschool classmate. Which was a nice surprise. He and I werent really close or anything in school, He had a crush on my best friend and they went out a few times back my senior year. But now hes married an in another state. So he told me how life was going and also mentioned the girl from our class who just died.

She had some illness. I guess similar to Lupus and decided she didnt want to have anymore children. She was married with a 2 yr old. and I guess the tubal ligation surgery went fine, then right after her blood pressure dropped. She died. 🙁 So yes its a shock. She was one of the school cheerleaders and very well known.

So I wrote him back and told him what was going on here in town since he lived here all his life like I did.

Im noticing lately, is it me? But people are calling me now, reaching out, inviting me places, wanting to talk, and its really nice, Ive been so isolated for years, even in my marriage, not much room for friendships and outings, so it feels good. On friday we even stopped by my old neighbors and I used to spend quite a bit of time with them when I was married. Just making the rounds, getting back out there in the world, talking to people.

Lastly, the condomn breaking scenario. I know how to tell when my body is fertile, and well today Im fertile, I believe its about 48 hrs or 3 days that sperm can live in the womans body. So there is that window. So shit friday night the condomn broke, today I can tell from my bodily fluid Im fertile. So this is calling it ever so close. I did use condomns with spermicide also. But I still will have this concern. I get my period around the 1st of the month. So Ill be anxiously awaiting. Ive already played out the thought in my mind I could get pregnant. I have to, I wont lie to myself, it can happen. So Ill wait out this month and if I get my period, I think Im really gonna go see the dr about the pill. Otherwise, if Im with child, Ive told myself one more is all I want. That will be it for me.

Im finding yes I fear getting pregnant. But with my ex I was terribly afraid if there was even a mishap I would cry fearing being pregnant. Not that having a child with boyfriend would be any better, because heck hes got a load of issues of his own also. But I could have a child, Im not opposed to it. Im not for abortion and Im a good mother. So whatever happens, it happens and I will love a child no matter what. Now doesnt mean I hope it DOESNT happen. So we shall see, but I have to prepare my mind, its better for me this way.