My Night Out!

Dear Diary,

Well Ive been up early on a Saturday Morning. But its all good.

So much to write about!

Well first off I need to add what happened yesterday. I had sent the email letter to M in Law. 10 min till I was leaving work she called me at my work. She said “I got your email” I said ok. She said “Can I ask why?” And enough people told me dont go into the Whys, it will just create more crap and things to fight over and peoples feelings hurt. All I need to say is “I dont feel comfortable with the children around your roomate” And then tell her to talk to her son if she has any more questions. So I said that to her. Well her response threw me for the biggest unexpected loop.

Her tone sounded almost panicy. She asked again “Why? I tried calling my son but hes not answering, is it something SEXUAL?”

I said “NOOO???” Its nothing like that”

She then asked me about 3 more times why, very concerned tone and I told her to talk to her son about it. So she said Ok and hung up.

As I was driving home I just thought RED FLAG RED FLAG! All I did was say I was concerned about this 29 yr old mentally ill roomate over hers and her stability around my children. I never accused her or even said the word SEXUAL?

So why would she say that? She said it not me. I never illuded to that. Then I started to think about the past few visits and comments she has said. She tells me every visit the children arent well behaved. That they make some type of sexual remark. She told me My youngest lies a lot, and she was afraid to tell me of something he said during the visit back last year for fear I wouldnt let the kids come over anymore. Ex nor I didnt make a big deal over it, it was just one of the kids making some remark. Her roomate was sexually abused. Now I know this doesnt mean she is a sexual abuser, but she has not gotten proper help. That is why we were concerned. ANd I wasnt concerned about sexual things, more of her harming the children physically or mentally. So this just threw a whole new spin on the situation. My Mother in law sounded panicy, she is the one herself who has a concern over something sexual. She knows something I dont.

I went to counseling after work, my counselor run a Adults molested as children group also so she is perfect and also does the childrens group my kids attend. So she told me “Yes you see all the red flags, your children do not belong in that environment at all” Plus my oldest has been talking very angrily now when Gma calls. I was shocked at his tone with her this past week. He was raising his voice and getting frustrated with her. She seems to enjoy teasing the kids and they dont get it and then they get upset. Last year she kept telling them she was buying them girl toys for Christmas, she kept this up everytime she called and they dont understand shes playing because she doesnt stop and keeps antagonizing them, My oldest got so angry and said “I hate you Gma!” I have never heard him do that.

When i got home I was getting kids things together,picked up my oldest childs pillow and felt papers inside. I looked in his pillow case and found 4 sheets of “I will learn how to better control my anger” He had done this in school and never shown me. And he was obviously hiding them. I asked him about it when I picked him up. He said ” I didnt want you to see it cause I was afraid you would get mad at me” I said “Huney I love you, I need to see these things so I can help you out with whats going. Yes I may be upset at your behavior and you may get your favorite toy taken away or something for your behavior, but I will always love you ok?”

So we are packing to go out for the eve and the phone rings. Its this little voice, like a little girl who says “HELLO” and I say Hello again and she says HELLO. Then she says her name. Its a very pretty Hawaiian name. And immediatly I knew who it was. My youngest went to a birthday party about a month ago and this girl is in his class. Hes in private school so its about 12 kids in the class. Well when this girl arrived my son ran over and gave her the biggest hug at the party. Her father stayed but didnt talk much, all us Mommys chatted away while the kids played.

So I said “Hiya hun whats up?” She said “I wanna talk to (my childs name)” I said ok and called him over. This was his first ever phone call that wasnt a family member. So he was confused! Whos calling me??? So he proceeds to talk to her, he runs around the house talking silly and telling her hes eating Burger King and what his brother is doing, I was in the other room cracking up because it was so cute. So then my son says “How did you get my phone number?” which I started to wonder also. We havent given it out and he is just learning it. So he then says “So wanna talk to my Mom?” haha she must have said No and said she had to go after letting him hear her pet parrot on the phone. And they hung up. I thought maybe this was a birthday party invite? Or some reason she called, but it was just to talk.

I talked to boyfriend on phone and told him, hes all “Wow, hes in kindergarten, and some little Hawaiian cutie has tracked down his phone number and called him herself just to talk, wow hes a Pimp, Mom you know what the future is gonna be like now with that one” I was dying laughing yet at same time thinking “oh boy Im gonna have two teenage boys before I know it”

Ok so on to rest of my eve,The dinner out with the girls was on also! I was so happy but had to rush to get ready and kids stuff packed. I was so happy though we were going. And my friends daughter was watching the kids. So they were just down the street from the restaraunt.

Ohh I had so much fun! Only 3 of us went, one girl had to cancel. This was a really nice restaraunt in the mall complexes practice opening. Food was free, its for the staff to practice before the official opening. The place was huge, it was packed, and its in a yuppie part of town. We only had to pay for our drinks! And the food was wonderful! I have cervece, shrimp and scallops in this lime juice as an appetizer along with this delicious chips and salsa. I had a mixed drink with a Kiwi and Mango in it. Then we had dinner, I had Chipotle Shrimp(forgive my spelling) Im so not used to fine dining, where I live we dont have a lot of this and Ive never been around people into foods like this. She works for a high end restaraunt and caters so she is all about fine foods and wines which has rubbed off on boyfriend and now on me. We are acquiring all these new tastes, new places to eat, and learning about wines and what goes well with them. But the desert! OMGOSH YUMMY! It was a tiramasu type cake soaked in goats milk, with caramalized platain? I believe its called banana slices on the plate. IT WAS SOOOO YUMMY!!!!!

We were there for several hours. I ordered 2 drinks, which is a lot for me. By the second one I was feeling so good. Me and the girl who went with us who I just met were laughing and having such a good time. She is a crack up and very open and just talks to strangers and gets them into conversations. At one point she had 5 guys around us discussing where they were going, and what were they gonna do there, and talking sports teams and everything. She was flirting with waiters and everyone was in such a wonderful mood. It was such a fun night. Then a waiter came over who new my friend said he worked next door. Im like “Oh you know my boyfriend then?” He said “Well I do recognize you, oh you came in with him didnt you??” I said yes and then he clicked who my boyfriend was. Its just funny being out of town and someone actually recognized me just in passing. He was a sweet guy and the open friend was all leaning on him and they were flirting up a storm.

I called the boyfriend while we were there. I was just thinking about him. I called to tell him I loved him and Id see him later on in the eve when we got back and kids were asleep and all. I have to say that was probably my first real “Girls night out” just enjoying girl talk and having drinks together. Ive never done that before. And I didnt over do it on the drinks, but I also did get quite the happy buzz. I had soo much fun! I hope to spend more time with these 2 women. The one said she wants to get my name and talk more, she has children close in age to mine.

I got back and her daughter said the kids fell asleep. That was around 9:30 so they were in their jammies wrapped up in blankies. I opted to sleep over since I had some drinks and Id just leave early in the AM. I then went and saw boyfriend upstairs. Aweeee he was so cute watching a movie wrapped up in his blankets in the dark. He asked me to tell him about my evening. And he just enjoyed hearing me talk about it. Its just so different. He was excited and happy for me. My Ex was always jealous and freaking out if I went out. Boyfriend says “Whats the big deal, you go out with girlfriends, talk, check out guys, then you come home to me, whats the problem there?” Its such a different dynamic, because without the stressful controlling possessive behavior, I really miss and look forward to seeing him afterwards. Heck I called him during dinner cause I love him so much and was just so happy I was out.

He left me a letter the other day at my house. Its been awhile since hes written me anything longer than a few sentences. But the letter he left the other day was so cool.

“Dear Victoria,

Muah. I hope you have a great day. It was so nice just to snuggle up with you last night. You have no idea how wonderful it feels to hold you in my arms and look at you. I love you. I know sometimes things are tough and all, but I want you to know that I do love you. I know lately I have been going thru some things that I cant really share with you. I can tell you its a good thing. It is just cathartic and there is a lot of shit being shaken loose in me. In time it will all be for the better just right now its kinda rough. Just a lot of old voices fighting for time in my mind. I know better, but sometimes old habits are hard to break. Im working on it and its going to take sometime. I do know that having you here makes it easier. I cannot tell you what you mean to me in my life, how important you are to me. Thank you for everything babe. Loves ya Lots.”

Ahhh see why I love him so much?

We had a phone convo few nights ago where some tension came up again. It wasnt a fight or anything, but I know there are things inside of him, his past and such that hes dealing with. I have stopped taking things personal and we walked thru a situation really well together, And I allow him his space and time to grow also.

So kids and I are home, they are playing and I will just take it easy today at home.