His Scent

Dear Diary,

Im sitting up at 2am. I cant sleep! haha, just got home anyways from my concert night out. So here I sit with some of the childrens Nestle Crunch hearts and Im wearing my Boyfriend’s shirt( guess I dont call him date man now do I?”) It feels so weird saying BOYFRIEND. I feel so giggly. Ive spent half my life with one man. And now that has come to an end, and here I am on a new path with a new love.

I drove out to his place, he has told me to just walk in, that Im welcome in the house, but I would always knock anyways when I come over, I just felt weird about walking in, cause its his roomies home technically, but he told me to walk in. So today for the first time I did and just went up the stairs to his room. We then got a move on since we had a drive on the freeways of Los Angeles on a holiday. I had planned to get there sooner but my Mom wasnt ready for the children yet. So we got on the road and had some interesting conversations as we always do. I do find him fascinating. Hes is more blunt and harsh with things he says, but Im learning more to not take things to heart. Its not that hes saying things that are untrue or wrong, its just that he doesnt sugar coat things. He says it like it is. Which is just one of those interesting combinations we bring to the table together. Him being the cynical, analytical, blunt, honest man. Then me being the soft,optimistic, sugar coated girl. But what is interesting is it works. As he makes some angry remark about a driver who cut him off and saying “I hate people, but not you , you dont count” I just reply with “Well I lovvvveeeee you” and he smiles.

We talked about so many things, so many fascinating things. About perceptions, about reading people, about criminal profilers, about neurosis, and on and on. Its like I just soak it all up. He brings so many new things to my life. My Ex is not a awful person they are just different men. But It was generally me speaking and my Ex could mainly just talk about work. Now I have this man who can talk about so many things under the sun, so many new areas, and I just eat it all up with him. He also challanges me often, telling me to answer questions or think about something that was said. A lot of times its difficult for me, I dont want to think that hard or have to put effort, and he doesnt let it go but tells me to try, so I cant throw in a towel.

(Wow as Im typing this I heard a car continually screech and stop. Its 2am. Then I hear a bang, then about 20 seconds later a swarm of police sirens heading out to the eastside of town) Hmmm wonder whats up.

So we got to Irvine for the concert. We luckily had time to spare and the Boyfriend took me to a restaraunt he had been to several years ago. We sat in a corner and had pasta dishes. Then off to the Concert! We had to get in line and then get patted down, empty our pockets then metal detectors run over us. I was first and boyfriend was behind me. After we were both searched he said to me “The girl who was checking me started to pat me down and went OH!” lol it was cute because he is a slender looking man my Boyfriend but he is very well built, but he was wearing long sleeves tonight, so he is very solid and not what you are expecting. I told him “Ohh you know you liked it” he laughed and said “Yes it was very flattering” We then headed to our seats. We were right up front in row 14! So not far from the stage. I went and bought myself a tshirt and then the concert started. It was pretty good, Not as Good as I thought it would be from the reviews I read. For one the setting it was in, it was originally supposed to be in an outdoor arena last year but was postponed. And the sound tech didnt do the greatest job, which Boyfriend had pointed out later on, The words of the singers were drowning out. But it was overall still good. It was enjoyable and the message was awesome since they are a Christian band. They had a DJ mixer whatever you call it dude who played between each artists solo moments. And it was a interesting blend of OLD DC Talk, new DC Talk, then each members solo endeavors. Rock, Hip Hop and Alternative. Everything from stage diving to moshing, to segments from Queens We are the Champions, The Church Song Thy Word, and many other things integrated. I of course loved Kevin Max who was mainly my reason for going. His voice is so melodic I love it.

They closed the concert out with What if I stumble, and Toby Mac spoke about how we step away from God and feel we are too far away to turn back or that we have to take steps to get back to God, but the minute we are ready to turn our lives around he is waiting right there for us. They closed the concert out with the loud Rock “Jesus Freak” song. I love the ending of it that says “People say Im strange, does that make me a stranger, my best friend was born in a manger”

Give my children another 2 yrs and I will be able to start taking them to concerts, I cant wait. So as we left the boyfriend said he thought the concert was quite good and that he liked Toby Macs performance the best, said he had talent and stage presence. And he said Kevin Max had more talent then he had thought at first. So he said he enjoyed it.

We then drove by his moms house he wanted to grab a few things. He hasnt seen his family in over 6 mos or spoken. So I guess in a way I felt honored he was willing to go by and take me once again. He already took me over last year and I met his mother briefly. He is not close to his family but for him to avoid them for the holidays yet stop by for something and take me, I dont know he even commented he would introduce me to his twin sis but she was asleep. So we grabbed a few things then he took me to meet the 2 cats. He talked about how special they were to him. How funny it was that he was closer to these cats and had fond affection towards them. They are both siamese, He told me how good looking the male is, but he was never friendly but tonight he was to him and how it shocked him, I said “He misses you” Then the female was on another chair, he said “She is so ugly she has the worst looking fur, but she is such a doll and has the prettiest eyes” And he petted them both on the way out.

We had more interesting convo on the way home, he seems to be concerned at times about holding myhand while driving??? Like saying sorry if he cant look at me while hes driving, or hold my hand all the time. Or he even does that when we spend the night together, apologizes if we dont stay intertwined all night. So we had a big talk about that. I assured him I had no problems with that. That i understand its really no big deal. I know he loves me. I know there are times where I want my space in bed, that sometimes Im concentrating while driving and cant be distracted. I said “Really its cool Im ok with it” He then went on to say “You have no idea what kind of relationships i had been in in the past where these things were issues” He also has this thing where he just thinks women are after money and status and want the best things in life. Sure I want nice things but we also had a big talk about what things I deem special and I explained to him. He apologized to me explaining all he has known in life has been the opposite, being raised all around women then girlfriends. He then said “You know, there are just some things you do that totally pisses me off” So Im wondering where this is going. He says “Like that little musical box that you sent me last year for no reason, it was such a small somewhat seemingly insignificant item on the outside but inside you have to know it is probably one of the coolest things anyone has ever bought me and I just dont even know how to duplicate something in return to you” I told him it wasnt that he has to find things like I find. That gift was something I happened upon in a toy store out of town, it cost me under $5 and it played “How much is that Doggy in the window” Which was a song when we first met up last year and began dating that he often had running thru his head on a rainy day or when the dog across the way would jump in the window and bark. So I explained to him tonight what are the greatest gifts hes ever given me or the most touching things hes done and told him again. The day we went to the beach where you took me to your teenage thinking spot and we sat on a rock together and you had me close my eyes and you placed a 4 page letter you wrote for me in my hands. Or the time we stood in your old apartment bedroom after a date with candles lit slow dancing to an old Dean Martin song that you sang in my ear. I said “These are the things I value and cherish, Im not looking for diamonds or $$$$, Im looking for things that are from the heart to show how one feels and cares” So we did get to cover some areas we had in the conflict arena. Its just old thought patterns established on both of our parts we have to tear down.

I had about 20 minutes at his place before I had to head home so I attacked him with hugs and kisses and we curled up in his bed. Then I attacked the poor boy. 🙂 I kept holding him close, up against his chest and smelling him, I love how he smells and wanted it burned in my head to take home with me. He said “You can take one of my shirts I wore if youd like” So I jumped up and had to decide which shirt I wanted, so I sat there with my nose pressed against his clothing going back and forth seeing which one had a stronger scent. He laughed at me. I had a shirt of his last year but gave it back when I called it off with us and attempted with my Ex. So now I have his shirt again. I wore it home and will wear it to bed tonight. I can smell him now and feel him around me.

I love Him