More on HIM

Here is what I wrote after we last say one another Jan 6th 2001. This is what I sent him tonight.


Once in a Lifetime?

Fate?

Who Knows

All one does know is when two people click. When a bond is formed. A friendship bond, a physical bond, or a spirtual bond.


When someone holds you tight, Holds you over and over and is so glad to see you. Who wants to share the deepest part of their Life with you. Who exposes oneself and makes oneself vulnerable to just to have that moment in time of 2 being together.


Holding each other in silence. Living in the moment. That wonderful moment where nothing else on earth matters but the 2 of you in the here and now.

Holding onto a arm, kisses on the forehead.


Tears welling up with parting, knowing it may never happen again. Wishing some miracle could make it possible for them to run to your door.

When you can return to being an individual, when you can fall in love and hold onto it, when you can enjoy the simple things. When you can be FREE.

Holding onto a taste

Having a memory thru a Road Sign


Preserving that precious moment the best way you can.


The Love for one another is Never Ever Lost.


Hes gone now. Im used to this. I keep a letter in my desk drawer. Its been sitting in their since Aug 13, 1997. And we go back farther then that. I met him online and we struck up a friendship. We would touch base several times throughout the years, He was like my brother in some ways. I just cared about the guy and I was married back then. He even came to visit me and the kids on his way out of state. I have pictures of him with my little ones.


He just so happened to contact me right after my ex and I separated. He found me online at 1am. I was just heading to bed and didnt have the kids that weekend. He had about 24 hrs before he was to catch a flight. So we each drove and hour and met at a Dennys at 3am! I hadnt seen him in years. But we both finally confided and shared how we were very fond of one another. We always had been but never spoke it. I was married, he is busy all over the world and was being respectful of me.


I sent him a birthday care package once since his parents were killed when he was 16 and he has no siblings. His Grandmother passed away shortly after. So he really has no close family ties.


We just held hands that night, I remember when he arrived. It was cold. We were both in jeans and warm jackets, we met in the restaraunt parking lot across from Magic Mountain and we just hugged. We got in his Jeep to go eat and talk in Dennys. We held hands as he drove. We never really said much, we just felt so close and happy to see eachother. After Dennys we went to the lake and parked at the top of the hill. We talked. WE snuggled up. He kissed me. We were intimate, no intercourse, but we shared a moment together. The only time ever. He drove me back to my vehicle as it was early in the AM. I remember tears came from my eyes. I knew he had to go and I may not see him again. And he felt so bad and said “This is why I cant be involved with people” I told him it was ok. That I was crying, because I was sad to see him go but I understood. And we left. I remember crying on the way home. Its hard to explain. I have always trusted him. I believe his word. Through the years I have told people briefly about him and people dont believe me. Think hes some married man or drug dealer or something. He finally sent me photos last month, photos that truly measured up with everything. He wasnt a lie. And I believed him. And I knew in my heart. He still has a few more years of this work. He cant leave it.


So we still catch up several times a year through emails, and a phone call. And when hes in the state we chat a bit on IMS.


I do think about him to be honest. I do wonder when he is free from his work, he will be retiring in a few years. Will I be single? Will we one day come together?


Part of it Im sure is the fantasy of it all. He can be a wonderful guy because we dont see one another and so much of the in between we fill in the blanks with our own fantasies.


He is a honorable man with military experience. He will be retiring at a young age. He talked about just being simple, moving to a small down and opening up a store and just having a business, doesnt even matter if it makes money he says, its more of a hobby. He also said he is working on a book of his life.


Well Just wanted to put this down. Im always trying to preserve memories of things. And he is special to me. I have his hand written letter on my desk right now, pulled it out, the one from 97. It makes me smile. 🙂

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