Illusions, Christianity, Divorce
Has two friends say these statements to me in the past few days when we discussed our pasts as Christian women in a church who divorced our husbands. We all know one another from verbal/emotional abuse support groups.
I was discussing how I spent 12 yrs in what I thought was a tight circle and because I chose to get out of a marriage while in a church, most of the people I thought were friends, have not really spoken to me, tap dance around me, hardly speak, and one even changes the subject or dismisses things I say when i relay the ugliness of my ex. I have a hard time talking to her cause her turn the other cheek and “its not that bad” and “Dont say that!” gets old. Cause its reality, the evil and ugly stuff is REAL. I wont sit around in denial, I call it like it is.
But many cant handle that. So reach out especially to the separated or divorce christian woman, she has most likely lost her whole church/ friend community. Its a hard place to be in.
So when I was asking why this is happening some friends said the following statements which I thought were excellent….
“People like to live with the illusion of safety and control. Your honesty, your guts to stand up and speak the truth and put separate space between you and the abuse, are all threatening to that illusion. Much easier to not think about you and maintain the magic dream that you were an anomaly, than to look at what might be wrong in their own marriages or entertain the possibility that they can’t trust their ministry staff etc.”
“When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.”