Good Cry

Dear Diary,

Well I just had a good cry. Just more hurt, sad and angry feelings over what my Dad did and my Dad’s sick behavior.

My Dad does strange things, always has, and its just that this one impacted me directly this time but it brings up all my upset my whole life towards my Dad. My Dad is an alcoholic, hes very self centered and the best way I can describe is you cant TALK to my Dad, cause he hears what he wants to hear, he translates things in totally different ways.

My mom and I dug through the trash can this AM, none of my stuff found…

I know its gone, 🙁 I discovered checking here at home all of my scrap books except ONE were there also. Large spiral bound scrapbooks chronicling every article everywhere I collected on Mr Depp for a period of 4 yrs. DAMMIT.

Also my fan club tshirt, the 21 Jumpstreet shirt I won and also a shirt my Dads coworker made for me with a sketch of Depp on it. Just all sorts of things are missing.

My Dad also through away everything in the Den. My moma nd I dug out odds and ends of items we wanted to keep.

I talked to Big Sis a long time about all this, about a lot of stuff about our Dad. And I just go through periods, knowing my Dad is sick, and not wanting to be around him. Just having had enough.

Since high school the known things my Dad has done that IM aware of?

Vandalized a public city dumpster with spray paint.

Threw all of my moms city planning commissioner stuff for her job into the back of the mayors truck at his home and accued my mom of an affair.

Threw my best friend out of the house out of the blue insisting she was manipulating me, me and her crying and her being sent away, later on I tried to have her over and he said to her “Maybe I cant get to you but I can get to your Dad!” And he still has a grudge against her to this Day that he cant explain a reason for.

Vandalized a tenants cars at the apartments my parents owned, through trash over a persons wall insisting they were using our dumpters, vandalized and destroyed the new neighbors wall system to their pool and the neighbor husband showed up at the door with a pipe and wanting to fight my Dad.

The “Gifts” he wanted to give us kids but then tells me he cant keep helping me out and its not fair,,, when I havent asked for his help and hes offered things to me.

I think its time to start saying NO.

Now he keeps telling me to see their Dr and put it on their bill, I have told him no.

I dont want to talk to him.

I am tired of having my words twisted, talkign to a brick wall and an irrational person. Im just done.

My big sis and mom are not happy with what happened, big sis is to come out in a week, said she doesnt even want to stay there, I told her she can come here if she wants. She just said that what dad did was conniving and mean. Yes today when mom left he already took the shelf and threw it in the trash! The one my posters were in that he shoved in the garage and I pulled out, he threw it away today! And took the other dumpster full of books and hid it away from us in the other garage. Hes put a lock on my old bedroom door and thats now HIS bedroom, I hope he flipping leaves soon and goes to Utah, hes supposed to leave for about a month….

My Dad is sick, and I remember discussing this with therapist and boss wifey awhile back, the drinking, his erratic behavior, the stuff with their neighbors and the vandalizing and stuff going on (the neighbors have 3 small kids)

My Dad owns several guns also, and as a kid he came out in our driveway with one to scare of “The Niggers” yes my Dad is racist too.

He called the oldest school the other day when he walked home cause there is a mentally retarded boy walking home that was being teased, which was fine for him to do,,, but then he went on to talk about how those kids shouldnt be around the normal kids and he made a joke about those kids being “Idiots”

Ive accepted my Dad, called him eccentric,,, you name it…

As my Big sister said “And you wonder why we have issues!”

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