More with Dad

Dear Diary,

Well I just spoke to my Dad. I told him I was very upset with him and that I knew he threw my things away. And to quit telling me to look in the garage as I have and there is nothing there. I named off the spiral bound scrapbooks(which he denies were in there) Umm hello I even told him where they were in there and asked him if there is anything still in the closet. I told him about the box with all my tshirts in it and then he starts in with “There were no clothes” Im like “Dad they were folded in a box with paper items that was on top of my shelf you wiped out. He insisted they werent there. Typical idiot alcoholic self centered man answer. So I basically told him “Im not looking in any of the places you say, if you have my stuff then YOU FIND and give it to me” I said “Youve made your point”

I stopped there. He wasnt even paying attn to my requests really and I know my father.

I am not going over there today, I was supposed to as my brother will be here, but Im cancelling, I cant be around my Dad, just talking to him made me cry. And I dont need to subject myself emotional pain, and its just so much old crap thats flooding my mind right now.

My oldest is going to an all day birthday party today so I will take him at 11pm. I know my mom is going to be bummed Im not coming over as she is making a meal for everyone, but I cant go over and act all fake, I have to stand up for myself and this dysfunction crap with my Dad. I just usually deal with it and all, but I cant handle being around him right now. This one just hurt.

So yesterday I spent the day doing a lot of things around the house. I first mowed the front lawn, took all the stuff to be recycled, then did the dishes and made dinner early..

My Dad just called me back, I had it out with him… Just went to go cry and hug B, hes being really good, Ill have to write more later as Im crying again.